Application for Balthier, Final Fantasy XII

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

A brunet man dressed in rather strange- perhaps one could say 'pirate-y'- clothes entered the sorting room with a flash of light- the the kind common to teleport crystals. Just by the look of him, it was obvious that Hogwarts was not his intended destination.

"Where is this place? ...Certainly not Balfonheim, that's for sure." Balthier looked around for a moment before querying, "Fran, are you about? Oh, bloody hell, that's the last time I'm taking a teleport crystal over an airship."

It was then he noticed the application. "Eh, what's this, then?," he muttered as he straightened his shirt sleeves. "Some sort of questionnaire- well, why not." He pulled a pen from one of his many pockets and began to fill in the application.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Can't say I'm a fan of the stuff, but if I have to choose a favorite, I'd say Danna cheese- comes from this creature the Garifs of Jahara raise. It's far better than whatever flavor of the week the nobles in Archades are eating, at any rate.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
It depends upon who has the higher price on their head. Can't be wasting my time on trifling marks, after all.

3. What time is it where you are?
Where I am? I've not a clue right now, but it was high noon when I departed from Rabanastre.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
I suppose I could answer that if I knew who those people were- *A rather large inkblot stains the page here, where the writer paused to hear something pertaining to the above question*

Well, in that case I'd have to say the Lady Tonks. One can't deny the appeal of a woman who can change her appearance at will.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Strahl- it's the name of my airship and a damned fine name at that.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Since Ultima lost the Thousand-Years War, Fred is the obvious answer. Otherwise it would be George, you see?

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Empires beget bureaucracy and bureaucracy begets paperwork. There's naught to be done about it, unless you follow my example and take up pirating. There's surprisingly little red tape in that line of work.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I hunt marks, fix airships, smuggle goods (among other things) about Ivalice. Why, if you doubt me, just ask the Lady Ashelia of Dalmasca- I've proved quite useful to her and for feign little payback at that.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Had I my airship now, I'd offer free transportation- for now I can only offer an IOU. I've got a bit of Gil on me and some loot as well, though I'm not sure of what use a Malboro Vine or Wolf's Pelt would be. I've a bit more than that, let's see... Ah, here, I can offer
2 Bomb Fragments
Braid Wool
3 Coeurl Whiskers
10 Earth Crystals
1 Gemini Gem
1 Iron Carapace
2 Malboro Vines
1 Mirror Scale
1 Ring Wyrm Scale
4 vials of Slime Oil
1 Tomato Stalk
6 Wolf's Pelts
And 3 Yensa Scales

I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. BB
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. BB.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. BB.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. BB

Comments

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

Lily, reading over the application, shook her head and laughed softly. Right. Most of what this bloke said made...no sense at all. Which, sadly, she was getting rather used to in these Sortings. Holding out her hand she said, "Hello, I'm Lily. Welcome to Hogwarts."

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

Balthier nodded his head and shook Lily's hand. "Hogwarts, eh? Never heard of it. Could you tell me which continent I'm on, at least? Ordalia, Valendia, Kerwon, maybe?"

[canes-can-kill.livejournal.com]

((Oh my god, Final Fantasy. YAY. XD /FF geekery.))

House scowls, but appears to be deeply amused by this mans attire. "What is the matter with you, were you hit on the head as a child? You're speaking gibberish, man. Though good on you for taking up a job that excludes paperwork. Where and when are you from?"

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

"Oh yes, just because you have no idea what I'm talking about makes me the fool," Balthier replied caustically. "I wouldn't call anywhere in particular my home, but I was born in Archades in 684, if you must know."

[carri3-whit3.livejournal.com]

Why the wolf pelts? What d'people do with those?

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

"Mostly use them to make clothes or armor, but mark hunters such as myself prefer to sell them for some quick gil."

[fine-eyes-lizzy.livejournal.com]

*smiles and curtsies* Elizabeth Bennet, sir. Are you truly a pirate?

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

"A pleasure to meet you. And indeed I am, m'lady," Balthier replied as he gave her a short bow.

[ninth-doctor.livejournal.com]

The Doctor snorted. "Bureaucracy. I'll agree with you there. Not exactly a pirate, but just as little red tape. Everything's got to go through the right channels and all the right paperwork down in triplicate, and in the end, nothing ever gets done." He shrugged. "They just make you think they're doing something with all that other useless junk they're doing."

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

"Yes, I've been in the thick of that business before. Nothing gets done indeed."

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

Like Lily, Mel has no idea what this bloke's on.

Only that she finds herself strangely drawn to him.

Crap, wait, meant to be disapproving.

'You're a pirate?'

It comes out rather more wistful and breathy than she'd hoped. There's an entire backstory with an alternate Mel and Brice.

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

He quirked an eyebrow at Mel's wispy exclamation. Apparently he was still a hit with the ladies, though he had no interest in someone as young as her. "How many times must I answer this question? Of course I am."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

I should be happy of whatever items among your list represent specimens of flora or fauna.

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

"You'll be wanting the Coeurl Whiskers, Malboro Vines, Tomato Stalk and Yensa Scales then."

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Piracy? You're a pirate? *dubious eye*

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

"Must everyone ask?," he asked the air, exasperated. "Yes, yes I am a pirate."

[laconic-once.livejournal.com]

"Nice clothes," Wash offered with an easy grin, wearing a particularly eye-burning Hawaiian shirt in shades of orange and green himself.

"So, are you the pilot of your ship in addition to apparently being the mechanic and the owner?"

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

"Why, thank you," Balthier replied, deciding not to remark upo Wash's apparel. He'd seen just as eye-bleedingly bad attire on Basch and was not phased.

"I pilot the Strahl, though my partner Fran does some of the mechanical work along with the moogles."

[castleinthesnow.livejournal.com]

You've... skinned wolves?

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

"Yes, what else is there to do with a dead wolf? And we've but no choice to kill them- they're quite agressive- they'll chase you for miles, otherwise."

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius regarded Balthier for a moment. "You a mate of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?"

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

"The what now? I'm araid, like many things here, I've never heard of such a thing."

[mightiest-black.livejournal.com]

What do these scales of yours look like? Do they serve any purpose?

((...Balthier! ♥))

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

Balthier blinked up at the dragon, but remained cool. He pulled the Ring Wyrm Scale out of a pocket and held it up. "I take it this is the one you're most interested in?"

[whinylittlegit.livejournal.com]

Huh. Can't say I know who this so-called Lady Ashelia is, but what did you do for her, then?

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

"Ferried her all about Ivalice and put my own hide on the line for her innumerable times," Balthier said, though it was with a hint of fondness.

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

*narrows eyes*

Wolf pelts?!

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

"...Yes? Is there some kind of taboo against leather in these parts?"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Which of the items you're offering would be most interesting for a hat?

[von-strahl.livejournal.com]

A talking hat. Well, this was new.

"Perhaps a Mirror Scale? For, er, decoration?"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your clothes aren't tight or spandexy, you are not a member of the medical profession, and you're definitely not a pretty girl. However, you've got gorgeous hair, and I like the braids and bomb fragments you've bribed me with. So...

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Slytherin!