Jaime Lannister - A Song of Ice and Fire

[jaime-lackhand.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Cheese is cheese. My sweet sister, Cersei might dispute that, as might the Imp, but I care not for what they think. After all, one's a whore, the other's a kinslayer. I'll let you decide who is who.

Upon reflection, it does occur to me that my siblings are just as fucked up as I am. That's somewhat comforting.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I know not these names. At the moment, I doubt myself able to kill either. Though should they cross me, they shall see what manner of skill still avails me.

And everyone can watch as the Kingslayer gets beaten around by a purple dragon. That should make them laugh

3. What time is it where you are?
Gods know. I do not remember when last I slept.

And no, this has nothing to do with my sister.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
No true knight would force himself upon another. Not that I have been a true knight for a long time now, but still, I retain that much dignity. And shit for honour, but I've had that for years now.

On the other hand, I don't kill kin. Except by burning letters

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Lion's Pride. Dark, dank and falling apart, I think this would be an excellent jest. Although the Imp would probably be more at home in such a place. Fucking the staff at every opportunity, I would guess. I'm certain many men would thank him for his kind dedication to bettering the skills of the whores. Perhaps I'll send him a present.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
Ha. I offer no such proof, save for the fact that I still retain some small amount of my wits. Even without my hand, I suppose I may be good for something. Like fucking that whore of a sister

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Bribery? I suppose there is gold should you want that. Or my oath, should you want that. It's worth little, but a Lannister always pays his debts.

Or there's the armies of Westeros. Or my sister. She's fucked Lancel, and Kettleblack, and Moon Boy for all I know. She'll probably do the same for you.


"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. JL
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. JL.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. That's what Cersei's are for. JL.
One day, chaos, no, Cersei, wait same thing marmalade will rule the world. JL"

OOC: Tyrion-mun did know I was apping. We plotted before hand, a little.

Comments

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

...you're not a kin-slayer, but you have one in your family? Or am I reading this wrong, Mr. Lannister?

[jaime-lackhand.livejournal.com]

I have at least one in my family. The Seven know what else my family is up to.

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

...um. That wouldn't be a rather blunt fella by the name of Tyrion Lannister, came through here to be Sorted last week, would it?

[jaime-lackhand.livejournal.com]

So you know the Imp.

Yes, that would be him. Thankfullly the whore didn't follow.

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

*waves* Um. Hi. Laura Palmer. And Galahad *points to treecat on her shoulder*. Murdered by my father, a bit touchy about the whole slaying of kin thing. Granted, he wasn't altogether himself, but still.

Oh, and also? Former whore here. If your sister's not actually taking money but is still in the enthusiastic amateur category, could you maybe find a slur to reflect the distinction? It's a professional pride issue.

[jaime-lackhand.livejournal.com]

My sweet sister is getting paid for it. Mostly in favours, I believe.

And she's fucked practically everyone in Westeros. Hell even Moon Boy for all I know.

Jaime Lannister, Commander of the Kingsguard, Kingslayer, and incestuous son-of-a-bitch at your service.

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

*nods* Close enough. More a courtesan than an honest prostitute, sounds like, but that lacks that certain ring of contempt, doesn't it?

Wouldn't being commander of a king's guard kind of preclude being a king slayer? Just curious.

[jaime-lackhand.livejournal.com]

It all comes back to Aerys.

My former King was a madman, intent on destroying everything. This was back when I was simply a member of the Kingsguard. There was a rebellion going on, and I killed the madman.

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

Aerys? Is that a person, place or thing?

I see. How'd that work out? Somebody better come along to be King? I will say, there's gotta be an easier way to get a promotion, hasn't there?

[jaime-lackhand.livejournal.com]

Aerys was the King.

It's worked out fantastically. We had Robert as king for a while. Cersei married him. Now we have about 6 kings all fighting for the position, including my sister's son Tommen. Sort of. Rather Cersei was fighting on behalf of herself Tommen.

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

The mad one? I see I think.

From unstable to unstabler, huh? Well, you do take that chance when you're between rulers, I gather from reading history. How's the rest of the country holding up?

[jaime-lackhand.livejournal.com]

The entirety of westeros is fighting each other. The north vs Everyone, the Sea vs Everyone, And King's Landing vs Everyone.

Oh, and there's Stannis, Robert's brother also making a claim for the Throne.

The former rulers of the North, the Starks are either dead, or scattered. Although apparently the two daughters yet live.

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

*nods* Shouldn't you really be back there mixing in with all the fighting and political stuff instead of here, then? Or did you just get zapped here? That happens a lot.

[jaime-lackhand.livejournal.com]

I got "zapped" here, as you so succinctly put it.

Not sure why, or how, but then the world has been rather strange of late.

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

*nods* Happens quite a bit. Well, the Sorting Room knows what it's doing when it brings people here, I guess.

We're supposed to be voting you into a house for your stay here, that's what all the talking is about. The houses have their own distinct characters: Gryffindor for brave and heroic, Slytherin for cunning and ambitious, Ravenclaw for studious and intelligent, Hufflepuff for useful, hardworking, loyal and everything else.

I'm getting a Gryffindor vibe from you, but if one of the other houses is more to your liking, I'll vote you there. Then we can talk about some gold.

[jaime-lackhand.livejournal.com]

Well Gryffindor is most definitely not suited to me. I fail the heroic part many times over.

Slytherin sounds more like the place I should go.

Vote: Slytherin

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

Well, if you say so. Not really getting the whole ruthless-politician vibe off you, but I got no problem with it.

Saaay. Did you mention something about gold for a bribe?

Re: Vote: Slytherin

[jaime-lackhand.livejournal.com]

Gold? Yes I did.

Where would you have it sent?

Re: Vote: Slytherin

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

Oooh good! I hate to sound mercenary and I'd probably have given you a vote anyway, but I've got no real means of income right now, so I'm not sayin' no to found money.

You can address it to Laura Palmer in Hufflepuff, thanks. Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Lannister.