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hh_mirror((Backdated to right after Josh's sorting.))
Hakkai, to put it succinctly, looked like he had been through hell, or possibly worse -- which he had been once, months and months ago, but he thought he had moved on since then. Or more accurately, he had repressed the memories just enough to allow him to function from day to day, to live something as close to a normal life as someone like him was capable of living.
Strange how just one short conversation could completely shake the grip he had over reality. Not that he had ever had much of a grip on it to begin with, honestly. It was really more of a sort of mutual agreement between himself and his sanity to remain within reaching distance of one another. But right now, it was currently inching just a little farther to the left than Hakkai was comfortable with.
As he made his way back to the Ravenclaw tower, he was only distantly aware of the fact that Sanzo was somewhere behind him; the part of him that acknowledged his presence waved it off as an act of preemptive damage control (I'm not going to do anything, it's fine it's fine everything is fine stop following me like I'm a rabid dog), and he sped up his step in an unconscious attempt to lose the monk. His hand kneaded the scar on his stomach, trying to ease some imagined ache that had been slowly intensifying ever since he had spoken with -- with him. He half expected to feel blood flowing over his fingers and was (disappointed, relieved,) confused when he didn't.
He couldn't remember how long it had been since he had left the Sorting Room, but it couldn't have been more than five or ten (or fifteen?) minutes -- and as he stumbled out of a hallway onto the landing of a staircase, he realized he had only managed to go around in one large and time-consuming circle. With the realization came a sudden loss of strength, and Hakkai pressed his back against a wall, slowly sinking to the floor. He wrapped one arm around his middle and brought his knees up, curling around the phantom pain of his old wound. And not for the first time in his life, Hakkai felt completely and utterly lost and helpless.
((Warning: The following events are not intended for viewers under the (emotional and mental) age of ten. No kittens were harmed or even present during the filming of this episode. For best results, take with a healthy does of wangsty music and water.))
Hakkai, to put it succinctly, looked like he had been through hell, or possibly worse -- which he had been once, months and months ago, but he thought he had moved on since then. Or more accurately, he had repressed the memories just enough to allow him to function from day to day, to live something as close to a normal life as someone like him was capable of living.
Strange how just one short conversation could completely shake the grip he had over reality. Not that he had ever had much of a grip on it to begin with, honestly. It was really more of a sort of mutual agreement between himself and his sanity to remain within reaching distance of one another. But right now, it was currently inching just a little farther to the left than Hakkai was comfortable with.
As he made his way back to the Ravenclaw tower, he was only distantly aware of the fact that Sanzo was somewhere behind him; the part of him that acknowledged his presence waved it off as an act of preemptive damage control (I'm not going to do anything, it's fine it's fine everything is fine stop following me like I'm a rabid dog), and he sped up his step in an unconscious attempt to lose the monk. His hand kneaded the scar on his stomach, trying to ease some imagined ache that had been slowly intensifying ever since he had spoken with -- with him. He half expected to feel blood flowing over his fingers and was (disappointed, relieved,) confused when he didn't.
He couldn't remember how long it had been since he had left the Sorting Room, but it couldn't have been more than five or ten (or fifteen?) minutes -- and as he stumbled out of a hallway onto the landing of a staircase, he realized he had only managed to go around in one large and time-consuming circle. With the realization came a sudden loss of strength, and Hakkai pressed his back against a wall, slowly sinking to the floor. He wrapped one arm around his middle and brought his knees up, curling around the phantom pain of his old wound. And not for the first time in his life, Hakkai felt completely and utterly lost and helpless.
((Warning: The following events are not intended for viewers under the (emotional and mental) age of ten. No kittens were harmed or even present during the filming of this episode. For best results, take with a healthy does of wangsty music and water.))
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Date: 2006-10-31 07:57 am (UTC)After the mention of Gojyo's upcoming birthday, though, Hakkai paused and gave it more thought. "Are you sure you want to waste your present on this?" he asked after a moment, smiling good-naturedly. "If you would really like, I'll go with you, although--" you will probably leave me behind the moment you see an attractive, scantily-clad girl in bunny ears "-- I'm not sure I'll be much company. It seems like it would be a fun idea, though -- wouldn't it, Sanzo?"
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Date: 2006-10-31 08:28 am (UTC)"If that's what you really want for a birthday present, I guess we can do that," he replied slowly. He couldn't quite stifle the sigh. "But I'm not dressing up as anything stupid." It might not be that bad. They'd go to the party, Gojyo would probably wander off after some girl, and he and Hakkai could make their escape. Hopefully no one was planning to serve magic cookies or magic chocolate for refreshments.
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Date: 2006-10-31 04:39 pm (UTC)"'Waste'?" he asked, the quotation marks audible. Well. That made it very clear how Hakkai felt about the party, not that Gojyo had expected either of them to be particularly thrilled, but they could've at least faked not hating the idea. "Che. What are you, two old grandpas? Wouldn't kill ya to do a few things normal people our age do, once in a while."
Balancing his cigarette in the ashtray, he left it burning and slipped a little farther under the covers, slouching back and resting his head against the pillows. He sighed and closed his eyes, thinking about how unfair it was that they had a way of making him feel twice his age too. It wasn't any secret that they'd each experienced things that most 'normal' people of any age would never know, would never have to go through, and that only made it all the more disappointing when something as simple as a damn party became an unpleasant ordeal.
"No," he finally said, opening his eyes to look at them again, "I don't really give a damn about the party. But I also don't give a damn about my birthday, so don't bother doing anything else." Despite his words, he didn't sound upset. It wasn't a great loss. After some stupid deity apparently delivering a message to Hakkai from his dead sister, he likely preferred to become a recluse for a few weeks, anyway -- understandably. And Sanzo was normally that way, and had been going out of his way to avoid Gojyo more than usual. Of course they wouldn't want to go with him, and mentioning the party had probably been insensitive on top of stupid. Shit.
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Date: 2006-10-31 07:17 pm (UTC)Hakkai frowned and shook his head -- usually he was so careful about how he phrased these things, and he mentally kicked himself for being clumsy about it this time. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way," and it was true enough. Even if the idea of attending the party (or, really, any party in general) hadn't been the first thing to cross his mind, it wouldn't do to be rude about it on top of everything.
"Well, if you change your mind about the party, I'd be happy to go with you," he said brightly, and he made a point of not volunteering Sanzo along this time, giving the monk an opportunity to back out if he wanted (and secretly planning understated ways to get revenge if he did opt out of going, though there was no outward sign of it). "If you'd like, part of your birthday present could be getting to decide what I go as?" Hakkai probably would go along with anything, really, even if they hadn't already forced Gojyo into a ridiculous outfit (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/948218.html?thread=46921722#t46921722) once already; he had never really minded wearing strange costumes himself, really. "And we'll do something else for your birthday along with that, of course." Despite the light tone, it brooked absolutely no resistance -- not that it was ominous at all, Hakkai was just determined.
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Date: 2006-10-31 08:20 pm (UTC)Their earlier discussion made him pause again, wondering what Koumyou would think of him wasting time at a party. Then he remembered his master smoking in the courtyard, and drinking sake late into the night. Koumyou would probably go to the party, he thought wryly.
Hakkai's voice brought him out of his thoughts, and he realized he'd been staring at Gojyo without even seeing him. Sanzo blinked, focusing his attention on the conversation again. "I'll go too." He was a little startled to hear himself say it, but he pressed on with a shrug. "What the hell. It might be amusing." He managed to sound almost enthusiastic. "And since I have no clue what costume I'd wear, I'll let you suggest something for me too." He wasn't making any promises to actually wear whatever Gojyo came up with. There was no way in hell he was going to end up in fishnet stockings and heels.