Closed RP: Hakkai and the fluffy kittens, only not really

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

((Backdated to right after Josh's sorting.))

Hakkai, to put it succinctly, looked like he had been through hell, or possibly worse -- which he had been once, months and months ago, but he thought he had moved on since then. Or more accurately, he had repressed the memories just enough to allow him to function from day to day, to live something as close to a normal life as someone like him was capable of living.

Strange how just one short conversation could completely shake the grip he had over reality. Not that he had ever had much of a grip on it to begin with, honestly. It was really more of a sort of mutual agreement between himself and his sanity to remain within reaching distance of one another. But right now, it was currently inching just a little farther to the left than Hakkai was comfortable with.

As he made his way back to the Ravenclaw tower, he was only distantly aware of the fact that Sanzo was somewhere behind him; the part of him that acknowledged his presence waved it off as an act of preemptive damage control (I'm not going to do anything, it's fine it's fine everything is fine stop following me like I'm a rabid dog), and he sped up his step in an unconscious attempt to lose the monk. His hand kneaded the scar on his stomach, trying to ease some imagined ache that had been slowly intensifying ever since he had spoken with -- with him. He half expected to feel blood flowing over his fingers and was (disappointed, relieved,) confused when he didn't.

He couldn't remember how long it had been since he had left the Sorting Room, but it couldn't have been more than five or ten (or fifteen?) minutes -- and as he stumbled out of a hallway onto the landing of a staircase, he realized he had only managed to go around in one large and time-consuming circle. With the realization came a sudden loss of strength, and Hakkai pressed his back against a wall, slowly sinking to the floor. He wrapped one arm around his middle and brought his knees up, curling around the phantom pain of his old wound. And not for the first time in his life, Hakkai felt completely and utterly lost and helpless.

((Warning: The following events are not intended for viewers under the (emotional and mental) age of ten. No kittens were harmed or even present during the filming of this episode. For best results, take with a healthy does of wangsty music and water.))

Comments

[perverted-kappa.livejournal.com]

Had the comment been made by anyone else, they might've received a fist to the face, or possibly derisive laughter in response. But it wasn't anyone else, it was Hakkai, and even if Gojyo might not fully understand what he meant, he did know Hakkai could only have good intentions and the sentiment expressed was probably genuine. He accepted the unasked for sympathy with another slight smile.

"Think of the situation reversed. Maybe whatever you'd want for her, if she were alive and you weren't, is what she wants for you now, Hakkai." He decided against saying anything about love, since that would be entering foreign territory. His experience with familial love was fairly limited (though perhaps greater than Hakkai's and Sanzo's combined, he couldn't be sure), and he wouldn't know what to do with romantic love if it bit him on the ass, which he was almost certain it never would; romantic love and commitment seemed to come as a pair, and he and commitment went together about as well as oil and water.

He pulled down his shot glass again and held it out toward Sanzo, secretly enjoying having the good-for-nothing priest waiting on him, then gave Hakkai a curious look, wondering if Sanzo had guessed correctly.

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

Hakkai shrugged slightly, trying to dismiss his own words. He had already said far more than he had ever wanted to, and he was sure that, if this kept up, he would end-up giving some lengthy speech detailing his entire life's story. (He didn't think that the two of them had any interest in hearing about how he once made a little girl cry when he was eight by telling her, honestly and directly enough, that he didn't want to be her friend, and that he had no intention of helping her make a crown out of the weeds that she kept insisting were flowers.)

It was a long while before he finally raised his head, and his customarily bright demeanor seemed to have finally returned, just not necessarily in full force. "Ah, you're both right, of course. Perhaps I'm thinking about this all in the wrong way. I'm sorry, I suppose I've just been in a strange mood, as of late." Hakkai had carefully sidestepped Sanzo's question -- which only succeeded in making it all too obvious what the answer was. Even so, the relatively sudden behavioral change was probably Hakkai's way of saying, Please, it would be best if we just pretended that nothing happened tonight and never brought this up again. I would appreciate it if you let me dwell over this in peace, thank you.

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo poured Firewhiskey into Gojyo's glass, set the bottle on the floor, and sat down on the bed again. He set his own glass down just long enough to light another cigarette. He was aware that he was smoking more than usual, and it was probably a sign that he was more troubled by the conversation than he wanted to let on.

He wasn't surprised when Hakkai avoided answering his question. He was good at that. Sanzo watched him for a moment, wondering if maybe they should try hitting him with pillows after all. At least he didn't look quite as lost as he had earlier. Sanzo was still curious about what Jesus had actually said, but he wasn't going to push it. "Don't worry about it," he said, dismissing the apology. He looked over at Gojyo, with a slight smile and a mildly conspiratorial look in his eyes. "I think Hakkai might actually be a little bit drunk. Too bad we don't have a camera."

[perverted-kappa.livejournal.com]

And Hakkai was right back to his characteristic cheerful front while completely avoiding answering the question. It wasn't difficult to put two and two together -- and if Jesus was in the business of delivering messages from the dead, Gojyo was very glad he hadn't attended the sorting--, but it was disappointing that Hakkai was drawing into himself again. Barely a glimpse of Gonou and he was already gone once more.

Gojyo took his time with the second shot, savouring the faint burning aftertaste. "I asked around about that, the moving pictures thing," he said, glancing from Hakkai to Sanzo. "It's the way the pictures are developed, not the camera itself. So any camera should work." He finished off the Firewhiskey with a smirk, then set the glass on his nightstand. "Just for future reference."

One of the local non-magical cities would sell cameras, surely. Maybe he could also pick up a few things for Halloween. If he could figure out a way to get there, the rest would be easy...

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

Hakkai blinked a few times and laughed at himself; now that his mask of perpetual cheerfulness was back in place, it didn't seem he had any plans of letting it slip again. "I might be, just a little," he said, ducking his head down. "Please don't tease me too much for it." He placed his glass aside on his own nightstand and pushed it away -- probably as a way of saying that he had had enough to drink for one night, and that passing-out from alcohol poisoning wasn't on his list of things to do.

He paused after Gojyo spoke and raised an eyebrow, regarding the two of them mutely. "'Future reference'? Ah, that sounds highly suspicious. Neither of you is planning anything, are you?" After watching them both for a second longer, he shrugged a shoulder and decided he would just have to deal with any problems that arose later, if and when it happened. He covered part of his face with a hand, and he smiled with his usual sense of embarrassment. "At least -- no pictures for now, please."

[worldly_monk]

"I'm not planning anything." Sanzo gestured towards Gojyo with the hand holding his glass. "Can't speak for him of course." He noted with some amusement that Hakkai was cutting himself off. Even when he was dealing with a spiritual crisis, he still managed to be the responsible one.

[perverted-kappa.livejournal.com]

He steadily eyed the bottle of whatever it was that Hakkai had been drinking (it looked vaguely familiar, Gojyo'd probably tried some before), obviously thinking about finishing it for him. Getting a bit drunk wouldn't be a big deal, since he was already in bed, plus it might even help him fall asleep sooner. Hakkai was relatively safe on the other side of the room, and Sanzo wasn't inebriated enough to allow himself to be molested. But there remained the problem of how to reach the alcohol without having to get up.

"Huh?" He looked up from the bottle, realising he hadn't been paying attention to the conversation. "Sanzo and I had wondered... uh, about the moving pictures. Back when I first got here. That's all." He couldn't be sure that Sanzo even remembered their discussion about wizarding porn, so opted not to elaborate. "Neither of you want to see pictures of yourself that move and talk? I think it'd be interesting. Hey, that reminds me. There's a Halloween party in a few days, I saw a notice about it in the common room. We should go."

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

Hakkai noticed Gojyo staring at what he had been drinking, and he reached over to turn the bottle's label towards him so that he could see it more clearly. He smiled pleasantly and tilted the bottle a bit, in a way that could either be construed as an offer to pour, or as a way of implying that Gojyo ought to make a note of the name, because neither he nor Sanzo would ever be drinking even a drop of this (again), if Hakkai had anything to do with it. Hopefully Gojyo would be able to figure out for himself which would be the safest course of action, but if he didn't -- well, along with a hangover from hell (because Hakkai would poor the drink if asked to -- it would be rude otherwise), Hakkai would be making the next day very difficult for Gojyo in a number of other ways, even without any sinks in which to keep the geoducks.

Just how Hakkai would do it, of course, was known only to himself. These things did tend to have more affect when they were unexpected.

"I suppose it does seem interesting," he said mildly, though he had to admit that he didn't find it quite interesting enough to want to see it himself. The mention of the party received a faint frown, though it soon disappeared. "I think I might have seen something about that, as well. I suppose we could go, if you really wanted us to." There might have been some reluctance just barely audible in his voice. He looked thoughtful for a moment and laughed awkwardly, before finally saying, "It's going to be a costume party, isn't it? I wouldn't know who or what to go as."

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo remembered talking about the moving paintings when he had given Gojyo his tour. He assumed that's what Gojyo was referring to, although he didn't remember discussing photographs in particular. "Why would I want to see myself moving in a photo? It's much easier to look in a mirror." He could think of several reasons why Gojyo might be interested in moving photos, most of them perverted. He frowned as that thought sparked a vague memory that he couldn't quite place.

Speaking of perverted, it occurred to him that he had unthinkingly made himself comfortable on the end of Gojyo's bed, and Gojyo hadn't made any rude comments. Apparently it was possible to combine the two of them, alcohol, and a bed, and not end up with an embarrassing situation, he thought with sardonic amusement. Of course there was significantly less alcohol involved this time, and they had been focused on their concern for Hakkai. He should probably stop pushing his luck and move back to the chair as soon as he finished his cigarette.

"Hmm, get dressed up some stupid costume and hang out with the rest of the idiots? I'll pass. But you go right ahead. Have fun."

[perverted-kappa.livejournal.com]

As if guessing Hakkai's intentions, he made no move to get the alcohol. It didn't take a psychic to know that Hakkai was likely already planning his usual passive aggressive antics that always followed Gojyo's coming home drunk. And despite common belief, Gojyo did occasionally learn his lesson.

"Your enthusiasm is overwhelming," he muttered. Their reactions to both the picture idea and the party suggestion made him rethink whether he really wanted to go to all that trouble when they obviously couldn't care less, and worse, might actually get pissed off if he tried to do anything for them. It wasn't meant to be payback for the ridiculous maid outfit and sprained ankle (well, maybe just a little), it was supposed to be fun. Hakkai might attend the party out of obligation if asked, Sanzo would just bitch and moan every step of the way and refuse to go.

"My birthday's coming up, too. You both could make it an early present for me, you know..." Well, maybe it could still be fun even if he had to guilt them both into going with him. If they became too unbearable, he'd just sneak off and get drunk by himself in peace. It might also spare him from any embarrassment on his actual birthday, which he planned to possibly try to sleep through.

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

Hakkai nodded and set the bottle back where it was; he might have given Gojyo an approving look, the sort usually coupled with a pat on the head and an encouraging "Good boy," but it was soon replaced by a look of apology after Gojyo noted both his and Sanzo's lukewarm reception to the idea. It couldn't have been too surprising, really; out of the three of them, Gojyo was by far the most sociable.

After the mention of Gojyo's upcoming birthday, though, Hakkai paused and gave it more thought. "Are you sure you want to waste your present on this?" he asked after a moment, smiling good-naturedly. "If you would really like, I'll go with you, although--" you will probably leave me behind the moment you see an attractive, scantily-clad girl in bunny ears "-- I'm not sure I'll be much company. It seems like it would be a fun idea, though -- wouldn't it, Sanzo?"

[worldly_monk]

Sanzo stared at Hakkai. No, it didn't sound like fun. It sounded like torture. He was about to say that, when he remembered a conversation with Hakkai a few days earlier. Hakkai wanted to do something nice for Gojyo on his birthday, and Sanzo had ended up agreeing without really knowing why he was saying yes. That seemed to happen fairly often when Hakkai really wanted something.

"If that's what you really want for a birthday present, I guess we can do that," he replied slowly. He couldn't quite stifle the sigh. "But I'm not dressing up as anything stupid." It might not be that bad. They'd go to the party, Gojyo would probably wander off after some girl, and he and Hakkai could make their escape. Hopefully no one was planning to serve magic cookies or magic chocolate for refreshments.

[perverted-kappa.livejournal.com]

((Okay, I don't think there's going to be a party. If there is, we'll say Gojyo decided to go and somehow got them to go with him after all. Or they can just do something else for Halloween. :) ))

"'Waste'?" he asked, the quotation marks audible. Well. That made it very clear how Hakkai felt about the party, not that Gojyo had expected either of them to be particularly thrilled, but they could've at least faked not hating the idea. "Che. What are you, two old grandpas? Wouldn't kill ya to do a few things normal people our age do, once in a while."

Balancing his cigarette in the ashtray, he left it burning and slipped a little farther under the covers, slouching back and resting his head against the pillows. He sighed and closed his eyes, thinking about how unfair it was that they had a way of making him feel twice his age too. It wasn't any secret that they'd each experienced things that most 'normal' people of any age would never know, would never have to go through, and that only made it all the more disappointing when something as simple as a damn party became an unpleasant ordeal.

"No," he finally said, opening his eyes to look at them again, "I don't really give a damn about the party. But I also don't give a damn about my birthday, so don't bother doing anything else." Despite his words, he didn't sound upset. It wasn't a great loss. After some stupid deity apparently delivering a message to Hakkai from his dead sister, he likely preferred to become a recluse for a few weeks, anyway -- understandably. And Sanzo was normally that way, and had been going out of his way to avoid Gojyo more than usual. Of course they wouldn't want to go with him, and mentioning the party had probably been insensitive on top of stupid. Shit.

[polite-sinner.livejournal.com]

((. . . ah ha ha. (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/969905.html) And well~ (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/970005.html). I guess the guys are partying. XD ))

Hakkai frowned and shook his head -- usually he was so careful about how he phrased these things, and he mentally kicked himself for being clumsy about it this time. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way," and it was true enough. Even if the idea of attending the party (or, really, any party in general) hadn't been the first thing to cross his mind, it wouldn't do to be rude about it on top of everything.

"Well, if you change your mind about the party, I'd be happy to go with you," he said brightly, and he made a point of not volunteering Sanzo along this time, giving the monk an opportunity to back out if he wanted (and secretly planning understated ways to get revenge if he did opt out of going, though there was no outward sign of it). "If you'd like, part of your birthday present could be getting to decide what I go as?" Hakkai probably would go along with anything, really, even if they hadn't already forced Gojyo into a ridiculous outfit (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/948218.html?thread=46921722#t46921722) once already; he had never really minded wearing strange costumes himself, really. "And we'll do something else for your birthday along with that, of course." Despite the light tone, it brooked absolutely no resistance -- not that it was ominous at all, Hakkai was just determined.

[worldly_monk]

...things normal people our age do... Gojyo's words made Sanzo stop and reconsider his automatic rejection of the idea. He had no idea what normal people their age would do. He wasn't sure he'd ever been a normal person. But now... He didn't have to be 'Priest Sanzo' here. Hakkai and Gojyo certainly weren't going to criticize him for not acting like a proper priest. No one else at Hogwarts even knew what a Sanzo Priest was, and they probably wouldn't care what he did even if they did know. He had no responsibilities here other than his research, and after so many years of searching, taking another night off probably wasn't going to hurt. Sooner or later he'd have to go back; this might be his only chance to live like a 'normal person'.

Their earlier discussion made him pause again, wondering what Koumyou would think of him wasting time at a party. Then he remembered his master smoking in the courtyard, and drinking sake late into the night. Koumyou would probably go to the party, he thought wryly.

Hakkai's voice brought him out of his thoughts, and he realized he'd been staring at Gojyo without even seeing him. Sanzo blinked, focusing his attention on the conversation again. "I'll go too." He was a little startled to hear himself say it, but he pressed on with a shrug. "What the hell. It might be amusing." He managed to sound almost enthusiastic. "And since I have no clue what costume I'd wear, I'll let you suggest something for me too." He wasn't making any promises to actually wear whatever Gojyo came up with. There was no way in hell he was going to end up in fishnet stockings and heels.