The Nac Mac Feegle, of the Chalk Hill clan - Discworld

[wee-free-men.livejournal.com]

There's a mass of 500 or so little blue men, with red hair standing in the hall. All of them look belligerent, and quite possibly drunk, and they're making a lot of noise.

"CRIVENS! Will ye dafties no' shut up? Tha's better."



1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Crivens! Tha' 'd be Horace, ye ken. Lancre Blue, from what we bin told. He be one o' us, if only coz he's jus' as nasty a scunner as Big Yan."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"Ye're implyin' we cannae kill 'em both at the same time.

We're the Nac Mac Feegle; we'll gie both o' them mudlins a right heid to the face."

3. What time is it where you are?

"Time fer a drink, say I."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"Well, I be a married man. Me Kelda'd be mos' upset if I was doin' the sexual harrassins.

There'd be the tappin' of the feets..."

At this point the other Feegles start crying ou "Waily waily waily, no' the tappin' of the feets!"

"An' after tha', there'd be the crossin' of the arms"

"Waily waily! She be crossin' her arms!"

"Will ye scunners knock it off wi' the groanin' before I starts bangin' heids together! Right?

After that, there's the pursin' o' the lips"

Only one feegle piped up this time "Oh, waily, waily, waily! Oooh, aaargh! the pursin'... o'... the..."

"Daft Wullie, ye ken I told yez there wuz times ye should listen to whut I was sayin? this wuz one o' them times."

"Sorry, Rob"
5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"Tend bar? Thas where yez take all the booze an' drink it, right?"

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Well we bain't 'xactly experts, but shouldna tha' be this Harry bigjob's choice?"

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"The words! They be takin' o'er. Gie us a second, and we'll fix it."

There is a blue blur, and then the smell of smoke coming from the desk, followed by a whoosh as the papers go up in flames.

"NAC MAC FEEGLE!"

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"Well we's just fixed yer deskie o' the papers. An' we been lookin' ou' fer the Big Wee Hag. We fought off Hivers, an' th' Quin. And th' Wintersmith heself."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"Well if ye need anythin' stolen, drunk or kicked tae death, we're yer men. We c'n get in anywhere, ye ken. Although sometimes gettin' out o' bars be real difficult."





"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Pinky Scumbag
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Pinky Scumbag.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Pinky Scumbag.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Pinky Scumbag"

Comments

[wee-free-men.livejournal.com]

"Ach..." The Feegles looked a little surprised at this, and congregated, whispering and looking at Slartibartfast over their shoulders.

"A job? Stealin' stuff? Ye gonna pay in th' boozin?"

[world-builder.livejournal.com]

"Well, I'm, I can't say I've ever had, you know, anyone ask to be paid in, in alcohol, but I don't see why not," he mused. "I could, well, I could make you all a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pan_Galactic_Gargle_Blaster) if you'd like--it's, it's, well, it's been described as, you know, having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick."

[wee-free-men.livejournal.com]

"Crivens! Ye got yersel' a deal, Bigjob!"

The sound you're hearing is probably best described as 500 very small livers all spontaneously orgasming at once.

[world-builder.livejournal.com]

"Wonderful! Once you've, you know, been Sorted, I'll make you a, ah, an advanced cheque, as it were." Good at stealing and willing to be paid in alcohol--if only the rest of his employees were so easy to please.