hh_mirror

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Mother doesn't allow me to eat cheese anymore, because I wouldn't zip her up yesterday. (She says it's really because I'm lactose intolerant, but she also said I was a Phenylketonuric when I wouldn't dress up like Little Boy Blue for Motherboy XXIII, and that was a prevaracation!) But if I could eat cheese, instead of having to sneak it through my twisty straw when she's busy ~~touching Uncle Oscar's Linus~~ talking to Uncle Oscar in the pantry, I would go with a very mild cheddar. Because it is roughly the same color as orange juice and tastes good after drinking orange juice.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Neither! I am a scholar, not a fighter! Well, except for when I went to Army. Then I was a fighter and not a scholar. Army made it hard to participate in my sleep deprivation experiments. So if I was still in Army I'd kill Barney. Because that's all Mother would let me watch on my twenty-fourth birthday.

3. What time is it where you are?

This is just a guess, because Gob made the clock move forward a few hours doing that magic trick for Barry. But I'm going to say....lunch?

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Probably Hestia Jones. I've been told I have a thing for ~~old ladies~~ mature women. If she ignores me like Marta did, then I would go for Molly Weasley because ~~she reminds me of Mot.~~ I like cookies.

Unless the Order of the Phoenix has a house-cleaning robot...does it have a house-cleaning robot?

5. If you are pushing to be in:

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

Probably because Kitty, Gob or Tobias is your personal assistant or secretary. And they've spent the day flashing their breasts at people, feeding paperclips into the paper shreder or reading Backstage in search of an audition, respectively. That's why Michael can't ever get to the bottom of his paperwork, usually.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.

Well...there's this hand chair I've got that's been bothering me ever since a seal in a yellow bow tie bit off my left hand...

Oh God. I'M A MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!