SECRET post!

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Like ljsecret? Comment anonymously to this post with a graphic your character would make to represent his thoughts/feelings about something or someone. Then feel free to comment to anyone else's graphics, either ICly or OOCly.

A few minor points to bear in mind:

Images that are just spam or are so big they'll stretch the page will be screened, as will anything likely to 'trigger' muns or has been created solely for the purpose of causing wank. Under 800x600 is best, please.

Please don't char-bash without consent from the player. A loose or vague image that doesn't name the character or have a picture of them is fine, but nothing that explicits targets a character unless their mun okays it first. If you want your char free for any sort of image about them, feel free to comment with your list of chars to this post, and I'll add them to the list of free-speech chars. Please bear in mind that the characters will see the secrets, ICly, and probably try to guess who they're about. XD

Chars that are open to unhappy images being made about them:

Eros, Ryuuji, Sal, Mystique.
Steerpike, Nny, Door, Bernard, Caligula and (assuming anyone cares enough) Ayla and Luna.
Sark, Ray.
Oz, Emma.
Luggage, Hideki, Seto.
Crowley, Adam, Bertie.
Chase, Stewie, Joan, Granny Weatherwax, Aang, the Weasley Twins, and Deloris Herbig.
Aerith, Lucius, Nagini, Little Tom.
Walden, Sluggy.
Edgar, Teatime, Jimmy.
Eiko, Ultimecia, Yuffie, Ed, and Riku.
PDBW, Susan, and Fillerbunny.
Wilson, Victor, and
Grant, Damien, Inara.
Impulse, Ryuuzaki.
Chii, Ran, Freya, Armstrong.
Devi, Mark, Angel, Book, Simon and House.
Emma, Oz, Wolfram, and the Rons.
Stephen, Cooper, Paul, Bothari, Primavera.
Nny, Steerpike, Luna, Door, Caligula, Sadako, Bernard, and Ayla.
Nightwing, DEATH, Alice, Jack Aubrey.
Psyche, Jeeves, Logan, and Sugar.

Also, if you REALLY want secrecy and are posting about a crush on someone, then comment to Ryuuji's journal and I'll put the image in comments with "REDIRECT" in the subject line. And I swear I'm not just doing that because I'm dying to find out who made the Ryuuji secret.

Most of all, have fun and remember, all comments are made ICly unless marked by OOC brackets.

There is a new noticeboard up outside the Great Hall and one by one, images are appearing pinned to the corkboard, with students tacking up thoughts on the images on index cards. Nobody can ever catch anyone posting an image, only the comments, and there is no way to use magic or science to know who posted what.

Comments

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Yeah. You don't really have the choice to just stay out of it. Major, major difference there. And even if you did, you wouldn't choose to, because you actually care about it. You're much more involved with the world in general than I am. More involved with people as well, I suppose.

...I try not to control people, and fight against being controlled. I don't want to fall into either of those. Staying neutral stops me from controlling many people (because if I wasn't neutral, I'd lead), or from having someone control me in the name of an abstract. Control me at all really.

I'm not saying neutrality is for everyone, or that it could somehow make everything better. I'm saying that personally, I choose to be neutral because I like it better than the alterntives. But that's just me. I'm not telling everyone else to follow my lead, because that would be breaking neutrality as well, wouldn't it?

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Like I said, I'm not advocating neutrality for everyone else. I know that if I'm not taking sides on a war, I'm not leading any factions against any others. I'm not responsible for any deaths, any failures, any orphaned children or widowed spouses. Neutrality is my personal choice.

...And part of it is also, again, that if I wasn't neutral, I'd have to really believe in a cause to fight for it. Because my instinct is to fight, and it's my self-control that keeps me on the sidelines. If someone screams in an alley, I end up going to find out what's happening, but if I know that it's a war, then I stop myself from signing up for either side.

And I can deal with that sort of control, because it's my own choice whether to spare your feelings or not, or whether to hide something or not. The sort of control I can't take is where people outright tell me what to do, or where they have a plan that I need to follow blindly on nothing more than faith in them. Larger issues, not the small, every day problems.

My neutrality breaks for individuals, when I can help one person at a time, but not for causes. Not for abstracts, not for ideas, and not for group work. I can't fight in an army and though I could lead one, I choose not.

...Am I even making sense? Because I don't know how well I'm explaining this. I've had to defend it before, obviously, but it doesn't get easier with practice. Every time I talk about it, I end up questioning myself all over again.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

...You probably have a point there, really. I'm charming, and capable of getting people on my side, and convincing them that I'm right and know what I'm doing, but those are a politician's or diplomat's skills, not those of a general. I was thinking that my strategic skills would be useful, but at the same time, I hate telling people what to do. Giving commands is almost as bad as having to follow them, and being good at planning things is on the useless side if you refuse to tell other people what the plan is. XD

I'd probably make a decent diplomat, though. Or a peacebroker for a treaty, if I had to get involved in a war somehow. I'd be zero good as a politician though, since I don't want to rule. I don't want that type of responsibility and being a general would probably leave me in charge of other people, which would make me feel guilty when they died (and they would die because there's no such thing as a bloodless victory).

I wonder what that means, then? I could rally enough people to create an army, but at the same time couldn't, because I'd rebel against myself if I ever tried to take control like that? Probably. I mean, if you look at how I handle problems so far, I tend to rely on my own abilities, use the minimum force needed, and keep other people out of it. Which is a little silly. Prefects ought to interact more with the people they're responsible for but I didn't run for Prefect because I wanted the power, I just wanted enough authority to stop other people from telling me what to do.

...And sorry, didn't mean to go on about it like that. XD You just got me thinking? I overanalyse stuff, I know.

Hah. Well, don't worry about that at least. Considering how I question myself constantly, it's a miracle I ever get anything done instead of being paralysed by indecision. Except I'd hate myself if I was constantly vacillitating as well, so I suppose I'm just swinging back and forth between the rock and hard place, collecting bruises all the while and waiting to see which collision will be the one to break it all.

And talking/writing much too much in the meanwhile. Someone ought to take my quill away from me - you have nothing to apologize for, compared to me subjecting you to all these ramblings.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

...Deja vu. I swear we had this argument before, or at least discussed my tendency to care about people as individuals without caring about them as a group. I would make an absoutely lousy general, really. Inability to take and give orders both disqualify me like you pointed out. ^_~

And more and more, I think that I am very lucky to be both a game designer and the owner of a company. It means I don't need to take orders from anyone at all - I have to cater to what the public likes, true, but I don't face direct commands from anyone. I really do think it's the perfect day job for me.

Though, odd as it seems, I can take orders in a very specific, limited sense. When you tell me what the desired result is, then give me a free hand to deal with it however I want. Diplomacy's a bit of a dangerous job for someone prone to seeing both sides of an argument.

...Cute?! XDDD Most people usually start hitting me with things and telling me to shut up and overcomplicating matters. But thinking is always good. Much better than the alternative.

S'okay. I knew you weren't trying to be hurtful.

And. What would you choose to do, if you could just pick your own profession and your current cause didn't exist/was already settled?

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Pretty much. I like designing games that take both luck and skill to win, with an advantage for mathematically-minded people.

I might be able to do that. I think I might annoy my superiors by playing devil's advocate and arguing the other side's points though, to try to make them see where they're coming from.

Heh. So you don't really look to the future?

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

I like maths.

Exactly. I'm not sure I could be a good diplomat because I'd want the best deal for both sides.

Carpe Diem? I like that philosophy.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to hate you for trying to figure out how my logic works. XD

And the answer is that it's different because it's me, and the last time I followed someone, it was for them, not their cause. I'm not saying that every soldier is deluded into being cannon fodder, but I am saying that if you follow someone because you care about them as a person, and they betray you, then you're fucked. Because it's not the cause that inspired you, so you can't fall back on that. Everything around just breaks, as does your own heart when you realize that you never really mattered. You were just another pawn. Just a weapon that chose not to fire, and is now being discarded for it.

If someone chooses to follow you, that's their choice. It's a dangerous one to make, but it's less so if they've done what you said and looked at both sides, then chose based on what they saw. That still scares me, because it involves passion, and certainty, but at least there's a form of logic behind it. It seems more rational than hero-worship. Which isn't to say I disapprove of you following Alexiel. If you care about her that deeply, of course you're going to fight for her. I probably couldn't do otherwise if I ever allowed myself to love so unconditionally.

...Except I know it doesn't work for me. Once burned, twice careful, and if you gave me that speech, my instinct would be to wonder what makes you more capable of leading me than me leading myself. Not to join, but to question, which is why I really think it's best to leave me out of anything organized - I'd cause sedition amongst the troops even if I didn't rebel myself. And the first speech would just have me wanting to prove the idiot wrong. Possibly decking them and asking if they predicted that. ^^;;

Which makes it pretty clear that there is, in fact, a difference based on the fact that I'd react differently.

Uh-huh. XD Relax. You're welcome to go on for as long as you like. I certainly do, after all.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

((What makes Kira's comment on broken hearts all the more funny is that Tom just dumped Ryuuji. XD))

...Have you ever had your heart broken to say that? It's devastating. And if you don't use it, how do you care about people?

Ethics are nice. I can't trust them in myself either. And who's the Princess of Gehanna/why is she neutral?

Okay. What could she possibly do that would make you stop loving her?

Hah. I wouldn't want power. I'd just want reasons. For everything. And hey, if you can lead a war against God, why can't you deck him? At least you're taking the more personal approach. ^_~

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

((Ryuuji is just so not a happy camper at the moment. Or even a particularly sane one. *dies*))

...Romeo and Juliet could take lessons from you two. @_@ Ki'yala.

Okay. I can understand that. Why doesn't she follow you, though?

And I suppose you could be chasing her around for revenge, but you said you loved her. And you looked like you meant it. So either you're a good actor, or I suck at understanding people.

And if I didn't like hard cheese. ^_~

Probably not but it's an amusing mental image. Ever read Sinfest (http://www.sinfest.com)?

::warded for Ryuuji and Kira only, blank card to others::

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

((I don't think he's ever been dumped before. XD Even he and Mai broke up amicably.))

I think you told me it would mean the death of a boy, Setsuna, whom you like in his own right. And it's okay. You can tell me about that stuff, if it'll help you, but I suggest warding these cards then. And. Father. In a non-incestuous way.

Gehanna, I mean. Why doesn't she follow you?

What do you most want from her? ...Gently right, not to hurt her?

I ♥ Sinfest. It's hilarious. XD

Re: ::warded for Ryuuji and Kira only, blank card to others::

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

I guess. Maybe I'm just more secretive by nature? I don't like strangers knowing tons about me.

Heh. It's contagious. And yeah, I guess. Possibly also just the self-analysis? I tend not to like what I see when I look too deeply, which is why I focus so hard on being happy whenever I can. You use the same distraction tactic I do. And I guess if it's my turn to talk, he's kinda why I don't believe in following people anymore.

Because I believed him, and loved him, and swore to get revenge for him and let him tell me that the only reason I existed was to avenge him. I let myself think I had no purpose other than to get revenge for him; a weapon with a mind and a purpose marked from birth. Then I found out he was wrong, called him on it, and tried to get him to stop. He promptly disowned me, and I had to go against to save the person I was meant to defeat, then kill.

...And yeah. There you go. Whole sordid story of how you can spend sixteen years of your life (which might not seem like much to you, but it's 5/6ths of my life so far) completely devoted to someone and something that doesn't deserve it, and will quite happily make it clear you never mattered to them in the least if you dare step out of line and go against their plan. I probably didn't explain that well either. I don't like thinking about it much, let alone talking about it.

I don't like remembering that I was ever so blindly trusting and naive.

Re: ::warded for Ryuuji and Kira only, blank card to others::

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

I guess it's possible but at the same time, I could be lying to you as well. So we'll both just have to assume the best of each other?

You'll use my own tactic against me? How cruel. XD Especially if you don't have any other family at all, and you're told that you are everything to him. That you're special, needed and loved. That you'll be the one to save him.

And I don't know. I mean, yeah, I was a kid, but I grew up, and didn't question him as I did so. I was sixteen when he died, and right uptil then, I'd believed him and loved him and - And nothing. All for nothing because he never loved me anyway.

And you don't need to be sorry. None of it was your fault. :)

Re: ::warded for Ryuuji and Kira only, blank card to others::

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

XD I think it works out, mkay? You haven't proven me wrong so far.

Point there. But on the other hand, easiest to recognize as well.

...I suppose. But. When you're nineteen, and you look back on yourself at sixteen, and you think about what you were like, and how you trusted so blindly and how much you gave to someone who didn't deserve it... I don't know. Maybe I'm just not good at being merciful to myself. I still hate thinking about all that.

I grew up too fast in almost everything else. It just seems so stupid that my trust was the last thing to break. I just ignore all of it, a lot of the time. As far as I'm concerned, my life started when I was sixteen.

...See? You're kind too. ^_~