Application: Third Doctor (Doctor Who)

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

A blue box gradually appeared, harked by its eerie, otherworldly klaxon… albeit one that wasn’t working as smoothly as it should have, by the sound of it. It flickered as if reluctant to solidify into existence, and the settled on visibility with a violent blink. Even it’s sound shut off rapidly, and there was an ominous bang from the inside. A moment after the door opened and a man exited, bringing with him a puff of smoke. He coughed discreetly and brushed his plum velvet coat and black cape with a brilliant purple satin lining somewhat indignantly, before looking around himself.

“Well, it’s not where I left at least… but where is it then…” he muttered to himself.

It looked like Earth, possibly even England, though not the time period he’d just left (and that was the first time in a while, he had to be getting better at this fixing business)… and yet not quite right. He gave a wide berth to a particularly unpleasant looking hat, and instead went to inspect a table, which seemed to be empty, but perhaps-- the Doctor’s eyebrows rose as a piece of paper and a quill shimmered into existence on the table. Now this was certainly not technology from any of humanity’s older periods. And a school of magic? Probably another embarrassing ploy from the Master, he really had to stop dabbling with this sort of thing. But for now, he might as well go with it.



State your full name.
“Really? I don’t think you could even write it.” he said, and looked on curiously as the quill flew up and scribbled the words on the parchment of it’s own accord. Interesting, he’d have to inspect it closer later. “The Doctor will suffice quite well though...“ he muttered absently, eyes glued onto the device moving over the paper.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The Doctor’s gaze grew distant and thoughtful. “You know, I think that rather depends on the place and… yes, time. One should always sample local cuisine in situ. Also depends on what sort wine one is able to obtain.” His expression soured. “Lately, I haven’t been as free to travel as I’d like, and the people I work with, what do they know of fine dining… but be that as it may, a while ago I was able to to obtain a piece of passable Beeleigh Blue to go with a rather lovely Pinot Noir I received as a gift during a previous regeneration.”

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
He snorted at the question. “Kill? Why, you’re just like my current employers at the UNIT, always thinking the first solution is to kill… or better yet, blow it all up to high heavens! Typical military. Indeed, I’m sure I’d come up with a better solutions of dealing with these persons, given some actual information about them.”

3. What time is it where you are?
For a moment, the Doctor stared at the parchment with suspiciously narrowed eyes. Was this… was whoever had fashioned this ridiculous set of questions trying to mock his… slightly impaired senses? Eventually he simply straightened up and answered, in a decidedly stiff tone. “Seems to be early afternoon, as far as I can tell.”

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
The Doctor rolled his eyes. What sort of staff or students could this “school” possibly be looking for? “None of them, I should think. It’s a thoroughly barbaric and distasteful thing to do,” he snapped.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

“I’m not even sure I want anything to do with this institution…” the Doctor muttered irritably.

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Bar? Ha. “Bartending, I assure you, is a thorough waste of my skills,” the Doctor told the parchment drily.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
He sighed. “I really don’t see how this is relevant to anyone but these individuals, who I’m not the least bit familiar with...”

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
This, at least, he knew how to answer.
“Perhaps you should aim to get beyond the sort of petty bureaucracy that tends to engender paperwork. I’ve found that has worked splendidly for me.”

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
Again, the Doctor was not very impressed by the question. He looked around himself again, but the surroundings remained empty. Nevetheless, he aimed his reply at the empty space rather than the piece of paper, speaking confidently, as if daring anyone to contradict him.

“As you come to know me, you will find I can be very useful indeed… should I choose to be. And I might warn you, I can also choose who I ought to be useful to.”

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
The Doctor raised an eyebrow at the word “squib.” He wasn’t familiar with that process, but it had an unpleasant sound to it. Nevertheless. “I’m not in the habit of bribing anyone. Paid allies, I should think, would not be very reliable in any case.”

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _Three___
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _Three_.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____Three____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____Three__"

Comments

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Well, wasn't that heartswarming? The Doctor knowing him on sight. Almost romantic.


And he was perfectly happy to let the Doctor think he was responsible for Hogwarts for the time being.

"It is a whimsical sort of place. Reminds me of you sometimes." He grinned, spun, and spread his arms. "What, don't you like the new me?"

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

The Doctor frowned, wondering if he should be insulted over having been called whimsical. Well, perhaps he'd had some whimsical moments, at least in previous regenerations, but it was hardly fair to... wait, new? Now he mentioned it, there was something a bit off about the Master. So, apparently he had had at least one left then...

The Doctor gave him another, more weighing look.

"A bit young, isn't it?" he remarked critically.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"Energetic. Lively. Plenty of stamina." The Master smirked, and draped himself dramatically on a nearby chair. "Easy to get nice tailoring for. I could even carry off that ridiculous getup of yours!"

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

The Doctor allowed himself a brief smile. It turned out smirkier than he realized. Ridiculous, he said. Ha! The Master was simply jealous, obviously.

"Really? Too bad you haven't gotten around to it yet, then," he remarked unconcernedly. "Or is this regeneration of yours fond of a... scruffier look?" he added with fake sympathy. "So unfortunate when that happens, isn't it?"

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

He had a dreadful advantage, of course. Detailed knowledge of the Doctor's future, of the fate of Gallifrey. The right wording, and he could reduce the Doctor to despair with a single sentence.

Undermining him, though, would be a more gradual and pleasant process.

"Had a bit of a scrape, haven't replaced the wardrobe yet. I'm quite taken with more current fashion, of course."

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

"Right."

Admitting any curiousity about said "scrape" (possibly related to the fact he had a new body now?) seemed too much like... encouraging the Master. Probably another of his ill thought out conquering plans.

After a brief silence, the Doctor glanced around again.

"So, this place, what is it supposed to do?" he asked, trying to sound as indifferent as possible. The Master could never resist the urge to boast.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"This 'place' is, in fact, a school for magic. Students arrive from all of time and space, alternate universes, and there are even a few teachers wandering around. Once you've met a few of your fellow students and they've passed judgment on you, you'll be assigned a dormitory and allowed to leave this room. Look out for the stairwells, they're about as reliable as your TARDIS." He winked with just a glint of malice; this Doctor had even more trouble than usual with his little antique.

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

The Doctor bristled at the mention of his Tardis is such a tone. He almost protested, but at the last moment realized he could hardly deny the High Council had done a number on the poor old girl.

"I'm working on it," he said instead, in a markedly chilly tone.

"Dormitories, really? I hope you don't except I'll play a student in this ridiculous tableau," he added irately, still insulted on behalf of his Tardis. He might remember his schooldays with some amount of fondness, but that would be taking things too far.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"There might be an Astronomy post open, actually," he mused. There hadn't been many classes lately. "You could be a professor. I'm sure if you put in a little effort you could even find some Earth girl to dance attendance on you." Raising an eyebrow, the Master smirked. "I'd tell you to be a good boy and not waste too much time chasing her round the desk, but that would make it seem like I cared."

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

"Well, perhaps..." the Doctor muttered, glancing the way of his Tardis. He had a feeling the damage to it might be rather hard to fix, judging the loudness of the earlier bang when he'd arrived.

"But I'll let you know right away that whatever you're trying to accomplish here, I want no part of it!" he snapped firmly. Whatever the Master was trying to insinuate with his comment about chasing girls around desks, it didn't even deserve a comment.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"Really, Doctor." He shook his head with blatantly feigned sadness. "You make it sound as if my entire life is centered on assembling elaborate puzzles for you to decipher."

Although in fact, much of this particular regeneration's time had been spent chasing the Master around. It had seemed a dreadful waste to be limited to one planet, but it had been nice knowing where to find him.

"Actually I've been busy learning."

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

The Doctor raised one eyebrow gracefully. "Oh, it isn't? You could have fooled me." he said drily. Not that he didn't enjoy the occasional distraction from the tedium of work for UNIT, but it wouldn't do to admit that to the Master, who knew what sort of trouble he'd get to then.

He glanced around the "school" of "magic", and his expression turned if possible even less impressed. "And this learning... don't tell me you're still messing about with superstitious beliefs?"

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"Superstition, Doctor?" The Master pulled out his wand, a slim and elegant bit of tapered wood. "What might convince you otherwise?"

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

The Doctor sniffed, even as he gave a wary glance at the... device in the Master's hand. He did after all have some skill with engineering, and the fact that it looked like just a nicely carved stick didn't mean much.

"Is that how your... what did you call that horrid shrinking device again? Newest model of it?"

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"The TCE?" He had to laugh; it had been years since the Master had thought of the Tissue Compression Eliminator. He'd kind of soured on it after the backfiring incident...

"It's a wand, Doctor. Why don't you challenge me to show you a spell?"

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

The Doctor sighed. "If you must," he replied drily. Frankly, it was kind of embarrassing, a grown time lord saying such things with a straight face...

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

The Master smiled, trying to mask a pang of nostalgia. The Doctor had had so much fire, so much possibility! And his fury at the Time Lords had been magnificent, although he doubted the newer regenerations would appreciate the irony. He flicked his wand with lazy elegance at the Doctor and drawled, "Mobilicorpus," watching him rise into the air.

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

"Oy!" it was rather like the gravity had suddenly been lowered, except that rather than floating freely he also seemed to be fixed to a certain point. Also it didn't affect his clothing, strangely enough. The Doctor wasn't sure whether to be more intrigued or indignant, so he settled on crossing his arms and looking down on the Master. Not that he had much choice on that, bit still.

"Neat trick. Did you invent it yourself, or just nick it from somewhere?"

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"I did mention this was a magic school. Would you like to see something more dramatic?"

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

"I'd like you to put me on the ground first," the Doctor replied peevishly. Clearly the Master wasn't going to share, but he would find out how his "wand" actually worked. Sooner or later. "Then, you may do as you wish."

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"It's a silly superstition, isn't it? So why would you need to be let down?" The Master laughed merrily. He'd forgotten how beautifully the Doctor used to sulk.

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

"I'm not disputing the effectiveness, merely your ludicrous explanation, do try to keep up," the Doctor snapped.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

That made the Master narrow his eyes. This again. The arrogance, the air of smug superiority. He raised his wand again. "Incendio!"

At the last moment he aimed for the Doctor's cape, rather than his hair.

[science-advice.livejournal.com]

The Doctor flailed for a moment trying to bat out the flames, before he thought to just pull the cape off entirely and throw it to the ground where it smoldered sadly, puffing up a cloud of smoke. The Doctor coughed, and then leveled an icy glare at the Master.

"Put. Me. Down."

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Eventually. First the Master waved his wand, lifting the Doctor higher and whirling him about the room, before dropping him to the floor from three feet in the air.

"You couldn't have been civil, could you?" he snarled.