Application for Soris Tabris (Dragon Age: Origins)

[soris-tabris.livejournal.com]

 Soris came through a small, wooden door, very, very confused. He had been going into the marketplace to sell a few things-- and upon walking out the front door to his home had ended up here.

"Shianni? Look, this isn't funny. Kallian?" His cousin was Warden-Commander and hero of Fereldan, sure, but for her to gather all these resources just to play a trick on him seemed unlike her.

"All right, this is too strange. Somebody needs to explain what's going on..."

And that's when he saw the parchment sitting on the desk in the middle of the room.

State your full name.
Soris looked a little nervous. “I, uh... Soris Tabris.”
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
“Well, if we're really lucky, we can buy some of the nicer stuff from the Denerim marketplace. But, uh, we don't get lucky very often.”
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
“I'm not... I don't...” It actually takes a moment for the young elf to compose himself before he speaks again. “I don't do that anymore. If they hurt my family, though, I'd do it.”
3. What time is it where you are?
Soris glances about the room, looking out the window. “I think it's still morning. It's still kind of light out.”
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
“I wouldn't dare,” said Soris, visibly angry. “it's... a very sensitive subject. Ask the next question.”
5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
“Uh... The, uh...” Soris ponders for a long while. “The Kidnapped Bridesmaid? Because it sounds witty in retrospect but was horrible at the time... Dear Maker, I'm not good at being witty.”
B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
“He should end up with someone he loves. I mean, I'm no theologian, but the Maker is very big on love.” Soris looked at his answer askance, praying that they would accept what he'd offered.
C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
“Well, try putting lots of stuff on the desk so that there's nowhere to put the paperwork,” the young elf offered hopefully. He was smart, for someone who hadn't been given much schooling outside of ancient elven history, reading, and combat training.
D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
“I, uh... I killed Vaughan Urien. I'm not really proud of it, but I killed him.” He paused. “I mean, my cousin was there, but I landed the final blow. She just sorta killed the other two guys. But it was Vaughan we were after!”
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I, uh, I can give you these!” Soris pulled a small package out of his backpack-- his wedding clothes, which he had been planning to sell. “They're really nicely made. The whole alienage chipped in.”

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ___Soris_____
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Soris___.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ___Soris___.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __Soris___"

Comments

[g-wormtongue.livejournal.com]

Elves. Grima was torn. On one hand, the new applicant was an elf. On the other, it was strangely comforting in this strange land of the Scots to see a species he recognized, a species that wasn't horrible and tentacled and green and prone to subjecting him to unwanted intimacies.

Also, this one seemed reasonable and intelligent enough.

"Greetings, newcomer to the land of the Scots. I regret I do not know the formal greetings of your people, but be assured you are most welcome to Castle Hogwarts.'

[pufnstuf.livejournal.com]

Pufnstuf entered the Sorting Room backwards, just for a change of pace. He spun around at the last moment and double-gunned Soris, his eyes spinning in opposite directions like the tassels on a talented stripper.

"Hi! You..." But the familiar phrase died a-borning. Because this creature did not look like Jimmy. At all.

Puf was deeply saddened by this unexpected turn of events.

[fatherofwolves.livejournal.com]

"Who was Vaughan Urien," rasped Eddard Stark, "and why did you kill him?"

[engravedonsouls.livejournal.com]

An elf. Lenneth had not seen an elf in some time though she knew her body was at least half elf. She looked the young man over curiously before smiling gently. There was honor to be had in battle but not taking pleasure in it showed a good, kind heart.

"Doing something you're not proud of, and admitting it- most people wouldn't. It takes courage to go through with something they know they'd not be proud of."

[boomerwangfire.livejournal.com]

"Hmm." Sokka leaned in and squinted at the offered clothes. While he'd been here long enough to get used to the weirdness and variety compared to the more familiar sights of home, these looked to be a new type of weird. And there was the whole pointy ear thing.

Guy was right, though, they were really nicely made. "So I know you're supposed to offer to give away all your worldly goods because of a threat on paper, but why this? Serious work went into this."

[hernes-son.livejournal.com]

Though Robin was somewhat taken aback by the young man's appearance, his face reflected nothing but kindness. "Welcome to Hogwarts, my young friend. You seem surprised to find yourself here - it is sometimes thus, and can be unsettling, I know. Ease your mind - all find a place here in time." He reached for the young man's hand, intending to clasp his wrist. "I am Robin of Loxley. Your answers to question number 2 and the Hufflepuff question seem to be connected. How did this Vaughan Urien hurt your family?"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"I am the hat you wish your hat could smell like. WHY ARE YOU NOT WEARING A HAT?" demanded the Sorting Hat.

Gryffindor!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Gryffindor!