Application: Acorna Harakamian-Li, the Acorna series

[lady-kirin.livejournal.com]

Acorna isn't sure what to make of this. She looks around the sorting room - strange and austere, but even without the purifying effect of her horn, the air is clean and safe if a little musty, and she doesn't see any immediate danger - and turns back to the door she came in through, which looks nothing like any hatch ever installed on the Condor. Still, she looks out through it. "Captain Jonas? Aari? Maak? This isn't funny, you three."

No answer comes, of course, so she turns her attention to the paper and quill. "Application for what?" she mutters to herself, picking up the quill in one slightly clumsy, two-fingered hand.


State your full name.
Acorna Harakamian-Li
known as Khornya among the Linyaari

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I can't digest animal products, so I've never eaten any kind of cheese.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Well, I am fond of grazing on carrot tops... but the way the question is posed makes it sound like you're talking about a couple of people, neither of whom I am familiar with. Anyway, killing them would definitely be ka-linyarii. I know the other Linyaari think I can be rather savage and uncouth, but that's pushing it a bit far.

3. What time is it where you are?
I have enough trouble keeping track of that without apparently being teleported off my friends' ship.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
I'm really very happy with my own lifemate, and I don't think I'm familiar with any of those people. I'm sorry, I don't really have an answer to your question.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Unicorn is really the only thing I can come up with off the top of my head.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
That's really not something I can decide, especially without ever having met any of them. He should marry which ever one he's in love with - and if he doesn't feel that way about either of them, then he shouldn't feel like those are his only options. Some of the best relationships I've seen happened because the people involved were willing to look a little outside what was expected of them, including my own.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Are you doing the paperwork, or just disposing of it? If you're just throwing it away, you're only making more work for both yourself and whoever wants you to do it, because then they have to keep sending you new copies, don't they? It really would help if you just knuckled down and did the work - and less wasteful, too, if you're really doing all your paperwork in hardcopy.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
As a Linyaari, I have the ability to purify air, food, and water, and to heal most injuries and illnesses. I also have the ability, unique as far as anyone can tell, to intuit the physical makeup of solid objects by looking at them.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I don't actually seem to have much with me... but if you're injured or ill, I'd be glad to help. And I think I've cleaned up the air a little since I got here, but honestly, it wasn't bad in the first place.

I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. AH-L
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. AH-L.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. AH-L.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. AH-L

Comments

[psycho-vertue.livejournal.com]

Either the girl had paid a lot of money at a good body shop, or she was some kind of alien or genetic experiment. Given the general weirdness of this place, Diana would have been willing to put money on the latter.

"What in the hell are you?" she asked in her ruined voice, deciding to get that out of the way first and foremost.

[lady-kirin.livejournal.com]

This wasn't the first time she'd heard such a demand, of course, and in this case it seemed to be motivated by curiosity. Still, it was a little odd; although her people weren't a common sight in most areas of human-controlled space, it had been a few years since first contact, and that had not been particularly low profile. "I am Linyaari," she replied simply, with a slight undertone of confusion in her voice.

[psycho-vertue.livejournal.com]

"That's not helping in the least." Diana fixed the girl with piercing blue eyes, matter-of-fact. "Wherever you came from isn't the same as where you are now, and there probably won't be people who understand what the hell you're talking about. So let me simplify it for you. Are you an alien, a lab experiment, a vanity project, or something else?"

[lady-kirin.livejournal.com]

"Oh. Alien, I suppose," Acorna said. "My race was originally the product of genetic engineering, but we've been breeding true for generations."

[psycho-vertue.livejournal.com]

It didn't quite sound familiar, since espers weren't a genetic experiment and the actual experiments were mostly intended to have limited shelf lives and not be reproductively viable, but Diana nodded. "Well, looks like you got less of a raw deal than some of the other labbies I've met," she said. "How have your people adapted for the hand thing?" She wiggled her own hands, still human baseline.

[journal-aigis.livejournal.com]

"You are a healer, then."

Ah, Aigis, thanks for the obvious.

"A healer is useful in battle."

[lady-kirin.livejournal.com]

"Well, yes," Acorna agrees, somewhat reluctantly. She has, after all, seen a good deal more battle than most Linyaari, which is to say, any at all. "But battle is hardly the only situation where a healer is useful."

[journal-aigis.livejournal.com]

"Yes, but from what I have observed doctors do not have the ability to just heal injuries, they must examine a patient and do complicated things."

[lady-kirin.livejournal.com]

"I have little experience with human doctors," Acorna admits, "but you would be incredibly unlikely to find one of my kind on a battlefield, in any situation short of our homeworld being threatened. We Linyaari are pacifists."

[journal-aigis.livejournal.com]

"That is admirable. I hope your people are able to keep that pacifism, and that nothing forces you to break it."

[im-wacky-times.livejournal.com]

So a T-Rex walked into a bar a Sorting Room.

"Where's that sound? Where's that sound coming from? UTAHRAPTOR IS THAT YOU" he demanded, sans necessary punctuation.

[lady-kirin.livejournal.com]

Ok. Large scaly being with lots of sharp teeth. At least it was asking inane questions rather than attacking people. Acorna would have to give it the benefit of the doubt.

"I'm sorry, it's not. My name is Acorna," she said.

[im-wacky-times.livejournal.com]

The tyrannosaurus looked down.

"Whoa, another not-so-tiny woman!" T-Rex had not yet figured out that something was making him smaller so he could fit inside buildings. Rather, he assumed all the women, cars, and houses he might see were smaller than the ones he usually stomped (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dinosaur_comics#Scenery_characters). "And another one who has a name!"

Most tiny women didn't seem to have names or identifying details.

"So why are you named after a tree seed?" T-Rex wanted to know.

[lady-kirin.livejournal.com]

"Actually, it's from the latin word for horn," Acorna explains, pushing her silvery mane of curls away from her face to better reveal the golden horn on her forehead. "Because of, well, my horn."

[im-wacky-times.livejournal.com]

"Okay wait! So does that make you an animal? A really svelte rhinoceros!" T-Rex needed to keep these things straight! Tiny women and tiny rhinos were totally different things.

[amandagraystone.livejournal.com]

"Linyaari?" Amanda wasn't surprised that she'd never heard of this. She just wanted to know what it meant. Besides, apparently, whatever-kind-of-thing-this-person-is.

[lady-kirin.livejournal.com]

"Literally, 'one of the people,'" Acorna translated, with a polite smile. "Although I think that's what most peoples' words for themselves mean, really. We occupy an area near the edge of the human Federated Space."

[amandagraystone.livejournal.com]

"I would call myself a human by species, a Caprican by nationality. Is linyaari a species, or a nationality, or both?"

[lady-kirin.livejournal.com]

"Both. Our population is tiny compared to humanity - we only inhabit a couple of planets, under a single government."

[amandagraystone.livejournal.com]

"By choice, or suppression?"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"So...you're basically the love child of a giant filtration system and a Band-Aid, is that right?" the Hat asked breezily as it settled on Acorna's head.

[lady-kirin.livejournal.com]

"I can fulfill the purposes of both, yes, if that's what you mean," she answers, hoping that the hat was speaking metaphorically.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"Oh, excellent, how useful! And then what happens to the blood and goo and pollution after you've soaked it all up? More importantly, was Josephine Brita (http://www.brita.com/?locale=us&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=water+filter+brita&utm_campaign=SEM-Brand) your great-great-grandmother? And are the Johnsons (http://www.bandaid.com/) on your maternal or paternal side?"

The Hat paused for a moment and then added urgently, "No, no, answer this: WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE PULLED OFF WITHOUT RIPPING EVERY SINGLE FIBER FROM MY SURFACE? No matter how I pull -- quickly, slowly...it doesn't matter, it stings like a Doxie bite EVERY TIME!"

[lady-kirin.livejournal.com]

Acorna sighs. "I'm not literally the love child of a filtration system and a band-aid. I just have certain abilities that are similar. My species is distantly related to unicorns," she explains - the dinosaur mentioned unicorns earlier, so it seems like a safe assumption that the Ancestors are something of a known quantity around here, "and we've inherited many of the same abilities."

Gryffindor!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

I shall refrain from Sorting you into Sparklypoo House. There is a beauty salon there, run by a rather unstable woman (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/808951.html), and it wouldn't do if she were to become hellbent on shearing you in order to add a wand-core manufacturing operation to her business!

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Gryffindor!