Open RP - Steff messes with some heads

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

Steff had been reading the compy threads. And she thought that people should not be disappointed. She didn't know who this evil person was that the compy poster was talking about, but, hey, if ever opportunities to fuck with people presented themselves, Steff would be on them.

Which was why she now stood in the entrance hall, carrying a basket containing two large blue beach balls. She was also carrying a sword. Occasionally, as a house elf darted past, she would emit an evil laugh. Said laugh was not nearly as awesome as Lezard's, but it sufficed. At least it sent a few house elves screaming and backing away quickly.

Comments

[lion-in-white.livejournal.com]

((by prior arrangement))

As Steff was involved in laughing evilly at a house elf, Jaime came up from behind and skewered one of her beach balls with a knife generally used at table.

"I trust I have been missed." He was smirking.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

Steff turned to face him, smirking. "Hey, watch where you put that thing," she said, indicating the knife. "I have no idea where it's been." She looked Jaime over critically. "I see you're rocking the hobo look there. I'm not sure how well it's working for you though."

[lion-in-white.livejournal.com]

"Try and tell me you've never slept in a stable before." He threw the dingy white cloak back over his shoulder, revealing clothes at least cleaner (or else the grunge was less noticeable, since the rest of his attire was not white), and the glint of his golden hand.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, well, when I slept in the stable, there was kinky sex involved. Do they have ponygirls where you're from?" Steff asked. Sometimes, she really did miss Viktor. He'd been so... creative in his kinkiness.

[lion-in-white.livejournal.com]

"Spare me your perversities. I need a sparring partner, not a jester. Did I misremember your Sorting bribe?"

It was at Steff's Sorting (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1691024.html?thread=90642576#t90642576) that they'd met. After Jaime called Steff 'fucking creepy and irritating,' they'd hit it off splendidly.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

Steff pouted. "You're absolutely no fun," she informed him. "But since you ask so nicely, I guess I could spare a moment away from terrifying the house elves. She set down her basket and sword and reached for a knife. "You gonna use that table knife or do you want a real weapon?"

[lion-in-white.livejournal.com]

"Elf," called Jaime. He was not addressing Steff. A house-elf scurried up, carrying the pair of practice swords (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1730541.html?thread=93156333#t93156333) that Brienne had given him for a wintergift, before he'd left Hogwarts and returned again. He'd reacquired his white cloak in the same manner, elves bringing him what possessions had been left behind; gods knew he hadn't unpopped with it.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

Steff took one of the blades from him, examining it critically. "Hmmm. Not bad workmanship," she said. She transferred the blade to her left hand, figuring they should be on an even playing field. She'd try not to hurt him too badly. Especially since it seemed to her that they hadn't actually ever sparred together, so she had no idea how good he was still, with his non-dominant hand.

[woocha.livejournal.com]

BALL! Wishbone know what beach balls are and likes what he sees. I wanna play with the ball I wanna chase the ball come on come on come on throw the ball throw the ball!

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

"What the fuck?" Steff exclaimed, not having expected a talking dog. She reached for one of her balls--balls, heh--and dropped it in front of the dog. "There. Knock yourself the fuck out," she said dismissively.

[woocha.livejournal.com]

Woocha! Wishbone bumped it with his nose. Thank you! he yelled as he chased it around the room.

This will keep him entertained for a few hours. Or until it breaks. Whichever comes first.

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

Lezard had also read (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1919224.html?thread=107485176#t107485176) the compy thread.

"Greetings, 'Apos'." He bowed exaggeratedly low.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

Steff grinned and returned the bow mockingly. "Well hello there," she said. "How am I doing? Am I carrying the look off properly? I would hate to disappoint anyone."

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

"Surely you could never disappoint. How many atrocities have you committed today? I fear an imminent stabbing, should your appetite for cruelty remain unslaked."

He feigned trepidation in too-close proximity to the beach balls. "Such fearsome orbs."

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

Steff cackled. "Oh, you don't want to know the number of atrocities I've committed today," she said. "And the day's only beginning. You don't happen to have any more death worms (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1828468.html) lying around ready to be released, do you?" She looked almost hopeful.

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

"Perhaps you have one lying around ready to be released."

Did he say that? YES, HE DID.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

Steff laughed. She'd walked right into that one.
"I might," she answered, eyeing him up and down a bit warily. "But only if you're not gonna be a fucking cocktease."

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

That might once have elicited a grimace of distaste. Now he merely adjusted his glasses.

"I have learned a few things. Among them, the detestable nature of female flesh. So cloying, so ..." He wrinkled his nose. "Odorous. Amaranth excepted by nymphly nature, of course."

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

"Ugh, I know," Steff said. "Amaranth is the exception to a lot of things, but I don't see how most het guys deal with the vag. I mean, most girls don't do a good job of waxing... so you've got all that hair and what if they haven't washed it in like forever?" She shuddered theatrically.

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

"Besides which, women are boring." Valkyries and nymphs excepted, again, of course.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

"And they're shallow and insipid. You can't have a decent conversation with most of them, and they're mostly all squeamish about the good stuff." Steff cracked her knuckles to express her point. "Some of them can be hurt so good, though," she added reflectively.

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

Lezard frowned. "I have grown weary of them. Their malaise, their petty self-centered concerns, the dullness in their eyes."

His experience with Mio had shaken him badly. Everything he said about women was actually only true of Mio, or at least his perception of Mio, during the time they had spent together, suffering the dream curse she had given him.

"Even hurting them is boring," he continued drearily, recalling his efforts to humiliate and taunt Mio after he had decided to hate her, "and I can no longer enjoy the thought. There is always the possibility of contamination."

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

"Man, that's rough if you can't even work up the enthusiasm for hurting them," Steff said. She set down her basket and took a step toward him. "Well, I'm totally up for making out if you are," she said gamely, fluttering her eyelashes. Of course, she couldn't sustain anything so girlie without wanting to burst into giggles, because, even though she totally was a girl with a penis, and she did have her submissive moments, she couldn't deal with the flirty shit.

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

Lezard closed the distance between them and took one of Steff's hands between both of his. He regarded her with such smoldering intensity it was a wonder his gaze did not catch anything afire, focused through the lenses of his spectacles.

"You are the perfect object of desire." All the girly appearance and none of the gross female plumbing. A dream come true.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

"You say the sweetest things," Steff said dryly. She still wasn't sure she believed him, but she reached up to pull his mouth down for a kiss anyway. Because it was Lezard, and she seemed to be stupidly without scruples or common sense where he was concerned.

[hot-german.livejournal.com]

I would be happy to help you with that problem," Dieter said, pointing to Steff's blue balls.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

Steff flashed the German a wicked grin. The mun can't remember if they've ever met, but surely Amaranth's endless supply of stories would give her a good idea of who he was.

"Sounds like fun," she asserted. "It's more fun to play with real balls anyway. Your place or mine?"

[hot-german.livejournal.com]

"My place is closer." He had no idea if that was true, but he knew his room was well stocked for any sort of adventure. "Or we could play right here."

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

"Right here works, too," Steff said cheerfully. "I'm not picky either way. All I ask is that if you get to play with mine, I get to play with yours."

[gourmetchairman.livejournal.com]

Kaga raised an eyebrow as he passed her by.

"O...kay? Why do you have a sword and inflatable balls?"

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

"Wouldn't you like to know about my balls," Steff said with a smirk. Because Steff was, of course, known for handling things in an adult manner.

[gourmetchairman.livejournal.com]

Kaga rolled his eyes. "Mature."

Yeah, he had better things to do.

[elegantsamurai.livejournal.com]

"Ah, Steff, it has been awhile," Yukimura said, passing by from reading another (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1925693.html) compy post. He smiled at her. "It seems you are amusing yourself," he said, amusement in his voice.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

"Of course," Steff said, grinning at her Samurai friend. "If I don't amuse myself, who will?" She couldn't resist giving him the lecherous once-over.

[elegantsamurai.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I am sure there are those around who would be interested," Yukimura said, brushing his hair back as he walked closer to Steff. "It entirely depends on what you deem 'entertaining.'"

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

"That's true," Steff conceded. "Sadly, there aren't many people who find wanton distruction nearly as amusing as I do. I guess that's why there's always sex and needless violence." She was still smirking.

[elegantsamurai.livejournal.com]

Yukimura tilted his chin, returning Steff's gaze with one that burned with desire, though it was a desire that could be easily directed toward violence in the form of sparring or sex, depending on which Steff preferred. "You do make such delightful proposals, though, which shall it be?"

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

Steff used her elven voice trick so that her voice sounded as if it were speaking directly into Yukimura's ear. "Who says we have to do both?" she asked, prowling forward another step.

[elegantsamurai.livejournal.com]

Yukimura stepped forward as well, his gait confident. He reached over to caress Steff's arm and then took her wrist and twisted it subtly into a joint lock. "That does sound entertaining. Shall we find a place to not be interrupted, then?" he said, his voice still pleasantly conversational, almost amused.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

If Steff felt any dismay about Yukimura's sudden gesture, she showed no sign of it. In fact, she gave him a rakish grin. "I like that idea," she said with a laugh. "I guess I'll follow you, then."

[elegantsamurai.livejournal.com]

"Unless you're really in a mood to protest, though, I also think you'd enjoy having your protests overridden," Yukimura said softly as he led her to a conveniently empty classroom. He smiled, looking around it. It would be suitable for whatever they decided to do, he thought as he pushed the door closed.

[mnemosyneeater.livejournal.com]

Having read the compy post, Apos was...amused.

Keeping his hands in his pockets, one hand curled around his pocket knife, he watched Steff until she was close enough to speak too. "Very amusing," he said, sounding quite sincere.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

Steff grinned, giving the newcomer the once-over. This person also incidentally matched the compy post's description.

"I do try," she responded cheerfully. "I'm glad someone appreciates my sense of humor."

[mnemosyneeater.livejournal.com]

"People can become very sour if they cannot laugh at themselves," he said, his smile remaining. It did not, however, reach his eyes anymore.

He tilted his head, thumbed at his knife as he walked towards her slowly, wandering, really. "I never really did like the internet, computers, whathaveyou. But, they have their uses."

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

Steff had noticed the stranger's smile. It made her a bit wary, but there was nothing like a little excitement and intrigue to brighten up a cold day.

"Yeah," she agreed easily. "Well, there's always porn. Too bad nobody's writing any of that over here."

[mnemosyneeater.livejournal.com]

He laughed.

"Shouldn't that be your cue to start writing some? Or would you prefer to make it?" come closer, he wanted to say. Let me show you how amusing I find you tarnishing my plans. Plans of which involved people fearing him, for the most part, not treating him like a sideshow clown; ridiculous as much as he was intimidating.

[steff-is-a-girl.livejournal.com]

Oh, now this was fun. Steff's smirk deepened.

"I definitely prefer making my own porn," she told him. "Especially since what they showed on the aethernet crystals back home was so... tame."