Application: Gara Petothel/Lara Notsil/Kirney Slane, "Star Wars" (Wraith Squadron novels)

[not-so-notsil.livejournal.com]

"Kolot? If you can hear me, I need you to check the left stabilizer again, it didn't feel right last run." The woman who appeared in the Sorting Room stretched and rubbed tiredly at her eyes, waiting for the angry chatter of her Ewok copilot demanding that she check it herself. It didn't come. "Kolot?" She blinked the bleariness from her eyes--she'd instructed Tonin, her astromech, to wake her after only two hours of sleep and she really could have used six more--and frowned. Whatever this place was, it wasn't her shuttle. There was no sign of Kolot or Tonin.

Oh hell. I've finally gone off the deep end.

She stroked the red braid that fell over one shoulder, though not hard. Her long red hair was a wig. Underneath, her hair was still mostly white-blond and short, though it had grown some in the past few weeks and her natural brown coloring could be seen close to her scalp. She chewed at her lower lip as she glanced around the room. Unfamiliar, primitive looking architecture. Despite her brain being filled almost to the breaking point with everything that Imperial Intelligence had deemed potentially useful, she couldn't match it to any of hundreds of worlds, cultures, and alien species. The stone floor under her boots felt real. The slight chill in the air felt real. The smells--dust, the slight tang of smoke--seemed to really be there. And the texture of the parchment under her fingers as she picked up the sheet on a nearby table certainly felt real enough.

Parchment? Seriously? After a lifetime of datapads and flimsi, it was almost comical. For lack of anything better to do, she skimmed the paper, brows creasing the further she read. Odd questions, and how did they expect her to answer them? There was no keyboard, no stylus. "Does anyone know how to work this thing?"

A feather floated up from the desk. She smiled weakly at it.



State your full name.

A hysterical giggle threatened to burst out of her throat, but the only outward sign was a slight cough. What should she say? Gara Petothel, her birth name and the identity of someone she now hated? Lara Notsil, a cobbled-together personality who took on a life of her own and may as well be dead now? Or her current identity? She decided on that. "Kirney Slane. From Corellia. You haven't heard of me yet, but you will. Shuttle business will be booming when the war's over." She was babbling. That had to stop. She laughed helplessly. "Sorry, it's just... this is kind of unexpected."

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Her favorite was a soft white Coruscanti cheese that used to be common at the Imperial Court. "Hard Corellian herb nerf cheese. Always nice to come home to."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"...I'm not in the business of killing anyone," she said slowly. "Especially if I don't know them."

Except when they were your ex-sort-of-boyfriend's squadron, of course. Or unnamed, unimportant pilots on the wrong side of her targeting computer. Such small things.

3. What time is it where you are?

She checked her wrist chronometer. "It was 0730 back on my shuttle. I don't know if you people run on Coruscant Standard Time, so I can't say otherwise." There, a nice simple question with a nice simple answer.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

She raised one eyebrow, dyed red to match her wig. "I wouldn't. I don't appreciate it when the flyboys don't get the hint from me, so I tend to give the same courtesy the other way. Flirting is one thing. Pushing it is something else." Another nice, simple answer, with none of the melodrama that would have resulted had Lara been the one to answer it. She could feel that shade of a personality scratching in the back of her mind, going on about Trigit and Repness and others who'd wronged her or tried to without her consent, but she shoved Lara back easily.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"Don't know what a 'Slytherin' is other than possible innuendo, but okay. How about... 'Donoslane.'" She smiled, just a little sadly. Okay, that was something that wasn't entirely Gara, or Lara, or even Kirney despite the name. Myn Donos was someone dear to her, whoever that was.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Wow. Mythology isn't really my thing, but let's see." She thought. Opened her mouth a few times, but closed it again. Finally, she shrugged and smiled helplessly. "Sorry. I don't think I'll be any help on that one."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"I... don't know?" Another shrug and disarming smile. "I'd have to know more about your circumstances to even hazard an educated guess. But, the best I can offer now is that either you're important or someone is delivering it to the wrong address."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"I can fly a few different kinds of craft, mostly yachts and a couple of types of freighters." And X-wings and TIE fighters, both with a degree of skill. "I know some about economics, shipping, procurements and the like--my parents ran a small hotel chain." Her biological parents had done no such thing--Dalls Petothel and Edalia Monotheer had both been Imperial Intelligence agents until their execution for unspecified treason. "I can dance a wicked Alderaani two-step or Coruscanti waltz." As well as several dozen others learned at Imperial Court as a teenager. "And... um. I can understand some Ewokese?" She could also understand dozens of other languages, speak half of those, and speak Basic with the accent of several dozen worlds, as well as adapt her body language to fit. She even knew the intricacies of Coruscanti Charm Language--something that few even knew existed, much less understood. But Ewokese was always the charmer.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

Well, she certainly wasn't giving away her blaster or datapad. She reached into the pockets of the trousers that she wore, fumbling around for anything she could part with. "I have some snacks? Mostly just protein bars and a couple of instant caf mixes if you have hot water lying around, but it keeps you going on long flights. A couple of holonovels, though I don't know how useful you'll find them if you don't have a holoprojector... oh, and my wrist chrono." She shrugged. "That's about it, I guess. So," she said, shrugging with one shoulder and smiling brightly. "What exactly am I bribing you for? Not being thrown to a gang of Squibs?"


"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. GP LN KS
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. GP LN KS
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. GP LN KS
One day, marmalade will rule the world. GP LN KS"

((Permission has been granted by the two SW muns, one of whom is me!))

Comments

[snowonthewall.livejournal.com]

Something about the woman's Gryffindor answer caught Jon's attention. "I'm not sure any of these questions really requires a serious answer," he commented. "Little say a helpful one. Like as not, you won't be required to do paperwork once you settle in here. And as far as I know, Harry, Fred and George aren't involved in any sort of love triangle." He couldn't quite suppress his grimace at the very notion. If Harry, Fred and George were, in fact, fighting for one another's affections, the former Lord Commander of the Night's Watch did not want to know about it.

[not-so-notsil.livejournal.com]

Kirney breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, good," she said. "I was a little worried that my opinion actually mattered for once today." She laughed tiredly and rubbed at one of her eyes with the heel of her hand. "It's probably for the best; I'm really not someone you'd want to be getting relationship advice from."

[snowonthewall.livejournal.com]

"I'll keep that in mind," Jon said with a quick smile. "I wouldn't presume to ask you for relationship advice, though. I took vows, so... It shouldn't come up." Yes, he was still feeling guilty about Ygritte, but would deny this were anyone to make bold to ask him about it.

[best-guitarist.livejournal.com]

"You's supposed to be bribings a bunch of random jackoffs sos dey won'ts votes you out of de school," Skwisgaar informed the latest applicant, apparently in a rare helpful mood at the moment. "And you's probably ain'ts even in yours own world anymore. Dis ams a secrets school in de 'wizardsing world' for magic and shit likes dat. Most of us am comes here from other dimensions or worlds or whatsever you's wantings to call it. So what's de wrist chrono thing?"

[not-so-notsil.livejournal.com]

The accent took a moment to parse, but she had to admit that she'd heard worse. She'd interacted with a few Gungans in her time, after all.

"I didn't realize that this was a school. It's..." She looked around, taking in the painfully primitive stone walls and wondering if they even had electricity here. "It's very quaint. So which world am I on? Yavin? I wouldn't doubt it if someone told me I'd been sleep-piloting, as hectic as things have been lately. And oh," she held it out, showing him something that was recognizably a timepiece. "It's this. It's not one of the fancy ones that you can program to show you the time and temperatures on hundreds of worlds and thousands of cities, but it works. Mostly."

[best-guitarist.livejournal.com]

((Now with fewer typos. :P))

"De school's nots so bad; dere's are real live dragons here, and one's my son, you knows. Dis place rights here am somewhere in Scotland, ons de planets Earth. If you ain'ts even heard of it, you wouldn'ts be de first," he replied, and curiously looked over the chronometer. "Oh, you means a watch. Eh, you keeps it." He'd gotten so used to having Klokateers around to inform him of the time that he didn't feel any need to have a watch. Besides, he did technically have a semi-functioning Dethphone if he ever needed to know the time while at Hogwarts. "You's a pilot? Flyings is pretty cool."

[ringo-raver.livejournal.com]

"Liar. Your name's Gara Petothel." You can't fool a shinigami, after all.

[not-so-notsil.livejournal.com]

((I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't looking forward to this :-P ))

She froze, but only for a moment. "Sorry," she said, smiling brightly at the unfamiliar alien. "I think you have me confused with someone else. I'm Kirney. You can check my docs, if you want."

[ringo-raver.livejournal.com]

"I don't care what your docs say. I know what my eyes say, and they say Gara Petothel. And you can't fool my eyes."

[tallyhopippip.livejournal.com]

"Coruscant? I've never heard of it. What country is it in?" Pilot beware; an idiot is here.

[not-so-notsil.livejournal.com]

"It's less of a country and more of a planet. The capital of the New Republic? Used to be the capital of the Empire, and the old Republic for thousands of years before that?"

[tallyhopippip.livejournal.com]

"Oh! That explains why I haven't heard of it, we can't travel to other planets yet!" Sometimes George is right.

He sticks out his hand. "Welcome to Earth. I'm George. Careful, my hand's cold."

[omg-sunflora.livejournal.com]

"Can I have a protein bar?" Sunflora, always willing to try new foods, asked.

[not-so-notsil.livejournal.com]

"Take it with my blessings," she said, handing the alien a bar about the length of Kirney's hand and wrapped in foil.

[omg-sunflora.livejournal.com]

Sunflora used her leaf to slice open the wrapping and ate the bar.

"It doesn't taste very good." Sunflora then brightened. "But it makes me feel stronger!"

[dc-starscream.livejournal.com]

Starscream rarely concerned himself with school affairs since he held himself above such mundane, human things now, but, well, sometimes even giant alien robots became bored enough to venture back into the castle every now and then. This inevitably sent the house-elves scurrying after him while squeaking their complaints as they sought to repair all the damage he caused with the simple act of walking — not even heavy stone held up well beneath his great weight.

Which brings us to why there was a giant robot crouching in the Sorting Room with a small pack of vexed house-elves leaning against one of his feet, trying to catch their breath. It was all apparently routine enough that they knew exactly when to get away before Starscream could stomp on them.

"What are holonovels? And holoprojectors?" he queried, sounding about as pleasant as he ever did, which wasn't very. Still, he wasn't being outright hostile for once, either. Anyone who seemed to come from a more advanced time period than this one were generally met with this sort of response, for reasons he didn't care to examine (or he might realize he occasionally suffered from homesickness).

[not-so-notsil.livejournal.com]

...that was a very large droid.

"They're forms of entertainment." Kirney pulled a couple of data crystals out of her pocket, peering at the labels. "In this case, novels that can be read either on a datapad or holoprojector. I usually pop them into the ship's holoprojector to keep myself awake on long jumps. Oh, hey." She separated one out. "This one's a holofilm." She held it up, smiling fondly. "Crimson Empire. Pre-Empire. A classic among those who like holofilms with lots of explosions and not much acting or plot."

[dc-starscream.livejournal.com]

Entertainment was better than nothing, he supposed. The holofilm in particular had him curious — perhaps it would demonstrate exactly what sort of universe this fleshling woman had come from, if not this one. He'd encountered countless lifeforms during his long journey through space, but had rarely come across any Homo sapiens outside of the Milky Way galaxy.

He inclined his head slightly in a manner meant to convey interest (some human body language was not so different from Cybertronian, in truth), and lowered one huge hand, held palm-up, level with the woman's waist. "I wish to see them."

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

Kuronue made regular trips by the Sorting Room just in case pretty things showed up, and, lucky for him, this lady was certainly pretty. Human, but pretty.

"Slytherin can be innuendo if you want it to be," Kuronue said, sliding up beside Kirney with a predatory grin.

[not-so-notsil.livejournal.com]

Kirney raised one red eyebrow. "I'd rather it not be," she said dryly, stepping to the opposite side.

[haplo-runner.livejournal.com]

The clicking of claws announced Dog's presence before he came barreling into the room, pratically dancing around Kirney with the unrestrained glee of a happy animal meeting a new person who could pet him. And find him sausages. Dog lept up, placing his front paws on her, grinning.

"Dog," his master said softly, snapping his fingers.

Chastised, Dog got down and went to stand by Haplo, his tail still wagging furiously. The Patryn had finally given up hiding his identity, the red and blue runes standing out starkly against his skin.

"He gets a bit excited when there are newcomers here," he explained, reaching down to pet him with a rune-covered hand.

[not-so-notsil.livejournal.com]

Kirney laughed and braced herself against the dog, returning to normal once he was back at the human's side. "It's no problem," she said, still smiling. "I like dogs. I've never had a pet, actually--unless you were to count my astromech Tonin as a pet, and he'd probably take exception to that."

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

The hat knew something about procurement. Or at least it had listened to a lot of Muggle radio during the late '90's, for reasons known only to it.

"Pimpin' ain't easy," it said sympathetically, and probably completely randomly.

[not-so-notsil.livejournal.com]

Kirney was absolutely speechless. There was a talking hat, and it was talking to her.

She really had snapped.

"I, uh, suppose it isn't," she said once she'd snapped her mouth shut. "I wouldn't know."

Hufflepuff!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Hufflepuff!