Mordred Deschain, The Dark Tower

[mordredeschain.livejournal.com]

There is the sound of bells

(like and unlike todash chimes, do ya kennit?)

and a sickly-looking, horrifically thin young man is standing in the Sorting Hall.

He frowns. "What goes on here, sais? Tis not the sort of place I would expect, in the Clearing at the end of the Path.

"But then, I suppose it would be foolish to expect sense from this life. It's never offered much before!"

 

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"I've never actually had cheese, say true. Doubt it would be much use for me, at any rate."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

". . . I seem to recollect those names from sai Walter. Since the one is but a toy, however, I'd be like to go after the other. For isn't there a saying that goes 'The blood is the life'?"

3. What time is it where you are?

"Ha! Tis Blue Heaven Standard Time, sai--Eastern Standard No Time At All! Time is, after all, a face upon the water--it ripples and is gone."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"I never have met nor heard of yon people, and I've little enough interested in sex when food be in the offing."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"The Spider's Web, mayhap? It's a fitting enough name, say true."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"And once again, sai, I know them not. Nor do I know many myths, save those involving yon Dark Tower."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"Ka, sai! Ka like a damn big Charlie wind has decided that your job in life is to fill out boring bedamned papers 'til the Tower falls."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"I am a telepath, a shapeshifter, and many other things. If ka had willed it I'd have ruled the world. I am hardly useless, say true and say thankya big-big."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe.

"I can offer ye both silk and venom, sais, and the reading of minds. I can control people, make them do my bidding or thine, and I am wise far beyond my years."

 
I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch.
One day, marmalade will rule the world.

Mordred Deschain of Thunderclap, son of Roland Deschain o' Gilead-as-was, Mia's Chap, Ram Abbalah Can, Dan-Tete, Little Red King, Crown Prince of Spiders.

Comments

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

Having learned Occlumency from dear Professor Snape, and having been warned by the answer to question 5D that this fellow was a telepath, Lezard was well-prepared.

"By ka, do you mean fate? If so, I prefer to make my own fate. To say fate prevented your rise to world domination is hardly a valid excuse, sir!"

[mordredeschain.livejournal.com]

It would be rather hard to block him, if he really tried.

"Well, how about the fact that I was starved, lost, alone, and unwanted? Would that be a good enough excuse for you, sai?"

The boy steps forwards and stumbles. "Speaking of which . . . I could mayhaps use some medical help or sommat, ye ken?"

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

Yeah, no.

"Starved? Lost? Alone? Unwanted? All these are but spurs to greatness!"

Lezard was not big on pity.

"What need have you of medical help? If you are as powerful as your application suggests, can you not heal yourself?"

[ra-tilt-chimera.livejournal.com]

"I'm afraid you'll find still less sense here." Zel ignored the emaciated man's odd manner of speech. After all, there were stranger things here.

He looked slightly upset at the mention of controlling people, though; he had lingering issues with the concept involving the fact that certain people might find it easier than normal to control him.

[mordredeschain.livejournal.com]

"How delightful.

"Have ye food, sai? I be a-hungy, Modred bes a-hungy!"

[ra-tilt-chimera.livejournal.com]

Zel caught the urgent tone and held up a hand. "Just a moment."

And he was out and dashing down the corridor. He returned faster than an ordinary human could possibly have managed with several kinds of sandwiches (the House-Elves were used to people with odd snacking habits, but Zel was aware that rich food might be bad for someone as starved as Mordred seemed).

Vote: Squib

[hopalongmcgurk.livejournal.com]

Apparently, the maternal instinct you'd think I'd have developed isn't working, because I can't summon sympathy for this kid at all. Wise behind his years? All I can think is that someone had to have instilled a pretty goddamn huge sense of his own self-worth.

"Jesus Christ, you *brag* about controlling people? Fuck that shit. I spent seventeen years with a goddamn megalomaniac, I'm not going to sign up for more."

[mordredeschain.livejournal.com]

"We do as we must, sai, and as ka wills it. And I have had little enough help, will ye or nil ye, in my short life."

[hopalongmcgurk.livejournal.com]

"Well, fuck. Is that supposed to make me sympathetic? Because I'm really not. Just keep crying, emo kid, and come back when you've actually experienced real suffering."

[psy-nuisance.livejournal.com]

((Sage is an empath, so she might pick up on any strong feelings or vivid memories he has))
"So you're another Influencer. That doesn't make you evil, darkness, but wanting to rule the world makes you stupid. The place is full of dumbasses.
At least you don't control people through sex. Then you'd be squibbed for sure."
She glanced at the application again.
"The blood is the life'...yeah, I'm pretty sure that's from Dracula. You like horror?"

[mordredeschain.livejournal.com]

"Mayhaps I've have ruled it, sai, but more likely I'd have torn it down. It's been unkind to me, say true!"

He's a very powerful telepath, but not especially guarded just now. And his feelings are hate, rage, loss, pain . . . he was just shot while trying to murder his father. His memories involve lots of starvation and eating raw meat.

Vote: SQUIB!

[psy-nuisance.livejournal.com]

Sage recoils a little.

"I don't care what's happened. I don't care if you were locked in a closet with hungry rats like someone else I knew, that's still a lousy reason to destroy the world.
Some of us live here, you know."

[igorofmalaria.livejournal.com]

'You lived in a tower? Was it modernized?" Igor is curious, but a little bit puzzled by the young man.

[mordredeschain.livejournal.com]

"Only Red Daddy lives in the Tower, sai. I have lived in no one place for longer than a day in my short life, for ka willed that I be a wanderer."

[igorofmalaria.livejournal.com]

"Ok." Igor desperately scans the application. "Sooo...you're a shapeshifter? Engineering or magic?

Want a sandwich?" Mordred looks very skinny and Igor has some left over.

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

A tall, bulky blond warrior stomped into the room. He was fearfully and wonderfully attired for battle or for a night out on the town: with a black Hogwarts robe hanging open over his leather boxer-briefs and his (mysteriously hairless, though impressively muscled) bare chest, that Beowulf was always stylish and always on the go. A Gryffindor tie, knotted around his head bandanna-style, completed the look.

"HWÆT," he thundered. "I AM BEOWULF!"

[mordredeschain.livejournal.com]

"And I am Mordred." He looks Beowulf up and down. "What of it?"

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

"I'M HERE TO KILL YOUR MONSTER," Beowulf informed the young man proudly.

Apparently he would even kill monsters for monsters. Or else he'd missed that whole werespider transformation thang the kid had going on.

[jezzthespoon.livejournal.com]

All right, claims of arachnid royalty probably didn't mean this one was another one of the Spider Queen's relations, especially given his appearance. Still, Jezz regarded him with some suspicion (especially given there was the claim of shapeshifting).

"I have all the venom I like." In the form of the snake on his arm. "Where does this silk come from?" He could guess, but wouldn't pass it up if he happened to be wrong.

[mordredeschain.livejournal.com]

"From mine own self, sai, say true. I'm a werespider."

[jezzthespoon.livejournal.com]

So he'd be passing that up, then. To someone who'd spent most of his life being pursued by "spider-kissers" it was just too close for comfort.

"Is this Ka your patron god?"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"Stop talking baby talk!" the Hat commanded. "You're too old to say things like 'say thankya big-big'. Unless you're one of those babymen. The ones with diaper fetishes. Oh, they are so scary!"

Scarier than a werespider, if you were a talking hat.

[mordredeschain.livejournal.com]

"Tis not bahbo talk in my world, sai. Do ye kennit?"

Gryffindor!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Gryffindor!

Re: Gryffindor!

[mordredeschain.livejournal.com]

"Thankee-sai."