[Application] Basher Tarr, Ocean's Trilogy

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

Okay. So. A job went wrong again.

He supposed that's what he got for working with amateurs.

The point was, Basher Tarr needed someplace to hide, and he heard from a mate about a safe haven in Scotland, that even if a cop managed to get in, he couldn't arrest a bloke.

Turns out Basher missed the safe haven completely and ended up in Hogwarts, but don't tell him that.

Anyway, Basher came into the sorting room, sitting down in the chair, pulling out his reading glasses and looking over the application.


1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Oh, cheddar, and none of that plastic Americans try to pass off as cheddar, you got to have authentic Cheddar cheese."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Basher considered this question. "I suppose it'd depend on how much money was on the table. Not that I usually do murder, mind, I'm more a thief."

3. What time is it where you are?

"Oh, who the hell knows, I've been on the run for a few."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"My first priority, if I got back from the dead, is to find the wanker who killed me and pay him back. Besides, I haven't heard of this order."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Basher thought on this for a while. "No answer, not at this time."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"I'm guessing Fred and George are twins then? Equal in prospects?" Basher shrugged. "I dunno, whoever snogs better."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"In the hotel business. Or recording industry."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"Well, I wouldn't normally say this, but since I heard this place is a safehouse for people...I was in the Bellagio heist, the Fabrege heist, and the Banks job. Can't call that one a proper heist."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"Well, if you need an expert on explosives, I'm your best shot. I can give some tips on thieving, but munitions is more my style."



"I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ___BT_________
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____BT_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ______BT_____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Says who?"

[[OOC: Hey, out of curiosity, what would happen if we hit the max on tags? Delete the ones we no longer use?]]

Comments

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

"Tell me more about your experience with explosives," Bond said with a curiosity that wasn't exactly idle, and probably not healthy for Basher. He could care less about what jobs this man had pulled, but Bond had kinda-sorta promised a robot a big boom (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1755487.html?thread=95556703#t95556703), and could use a few ideas.

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

"Well, I've done some standard ones, bombs to distract people, pop open vault doors, simple ones. I've also created pinches that knocked out a city's power. And there was this impenetrable case with diamonds in it...so we just blew up the base and stole the entire case, diamonds and all." Basher took off his glasses. "I also flew the helicopter that time."

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

Clearly this man knew his stuff. Bond nodded appreciatively, but his face was still neutral. "And what, exactly, are your thoughts on large fireballs just for the hell of it?"

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

"Not a bad sight...if you can get away with it."

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

Now he cracked a smile. "Then aren't you lucky to have landed in a place with phenomenally lax policies on student activities and property damage. I need help blowing up some trees. The bigger the explosion, the better. Only there are a few problems I've yet to find my way around."

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

"Really, cause it'd be difficult to blow up some trees without setting fire to the entire forest." Still, the prospect of gratuitous explosions was getting Basher excited.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"Explosives? Really?" I drawl out from where I'm leaning against the column near the door. "Any particular specialization?"

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

"Mostly to get into something or to knock out the power. Though technically, one time there was a display case I couldn't get into, so we just stole the case."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I raise an eyebrow. "So, no demolition, nothing with true finnese? A job man?"

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

"No, I haven't done demolition since I was about your age." Mello looked to be in his twenties. "Closest I've gotten these days is using one of the drills they used to build the Chunnel to simulate an earthquake. And that was still a team effort, Turk and Virgil took over so I could get the diamonds."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

There are times I hate 'adults'. "That's awful heavy equipment for a couple of rocks," I comment blandly.

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

"Well, it wasn't just rocks, hell, we didn't even plan on stealing those. The important thing was to make Willy Bank lose millions on his casino's opening night. Which he did. Spectacularly." Basher sighed. "The only reason we stole those diamonds was Benedict made it a condition of him helping us in finance."

[forlornexultant.livejournal.com]

"You're quite open about your criminal past," the Chatelaine Thecla observed.

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

Basher shrugged. "Well, I've been told that no matter what I say, I can't be prosecuted here."

Even though he's technically in the wrong place, he's right.

"Besides, in the criminal world I'm relatively well known. Still want to know what possessed Benedict to call us 'Ocean's 11', though."

[forlornexultant.livejournal.com]

"A liking for seafood? Allegiance to Abaia?"

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

"No, I know the reasoning behind it. The person he perceived to be behind the whole operation, his last name's Ocean."

[forlornexultant.livejournal.com]

"That is far less intriguing." Thecla was disappointed. "Have you come here to commit illustrious and daring crimes?" She still held out hope for something interesting.

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

"No, I came to hide BECAUSE I did a crime. Though this one wasn't illustrious." Basher snorted. Far from it.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"Explosives? How about a sex bomb (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KUJE2xs-RE)?"

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

Basher looked somewhere between bewildered and horrified. "Excuse me?"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

The Hat actually sang the chorus and a couple of verses (http://lyricwiki.org/Tom_Jones:Sexbomb).

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. Sure mate." Note that Basher said this in a confused voice. "It might take a while to get all I need."

He's hoping the sorting hat will forget about it once he's gone.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

The Hat said: "Squeeee!"

No, it did not make a sound that could be approximated onomatopoeically as squee. It actually said the word 'squee', in a high-pitched tone of excitement.

Then it made a shower of underpants fall all around itself and Basher Tarr.

[cockneysplosive.livejournal.com]

Basher plucked the underpants off his hand. "You're a little bit of a Patrick Swayze (http://www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk/slang/patrick_swayze), aren't you?"

Slytherin!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Slytherin!