Application for Griffin: H.G. Wells' Invisible Man

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

The Sorting Room appeared unchanged from one minute to the next, but a new student had joined Hogwarts. The most perceptive persons might have heard the sound of bare feet on stone, but there was no movement until a sheet of paper lifted itself up into the air. Even the quill seemed surprised when a Voice came out of thin air to answer the questions.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Whatever's not moldy," said the Voice. "I should think the reason would be self-explanatory, as tainted food does not do any body well."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Why, what are they after?" the Voice asked, instantly suspicious. "I'll kill the first one after me, the one who wants to do me any harm. Don't think that I won't. I have to protect what's mine."

3. What time is it where you are?
There was a tsk-ing noise. "Time is for fools, and for men who insist on being blind to the new order of the world. They are often the same thing."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
The quill stopped, and the silence was punctuated by a tapping noise, like fingers drumming on the table. "I haven't thought about what I'd do to a woman," the Voice said. "I've had other things to occupy my mind. As with all things, even burglary and petty terrorism lose their charm, and a young man's thoughts might turn to rape. I don't really care for the who. I have no room to comment on beauty. I would take her hard, in the middle of the street, where she would scream and cry and no one would see what terrors had beset her."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"'Daylight.' All the rest of the world is in the dark, compared to me."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"This is not my concern," the Voice said with a helping of contempt.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Fool!" the Voice cried. "You are like me, blind to all but your studies. Mark my words, that paperwork will be the death of you. I suggest disposal by fire. It is such a satisfactory way of dealing with evidence."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
The dryness of the comment was unmistakable. "I think the proof should be evident to all who have eyes to see."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
The tapping noise came back as the Voice considered the bribe. "I find myself lacking for the material goods of the world," the Voice said. "If you should need fingers as light as the wind, eyes to follow your enemies, or ears to discern dark secrets, then I might be of service."

Comments

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

M arrived in time to see the parchment rise of its own accord. She walked around the apparent source of the voice, sharp eyes alert to any sign of its owner. But they found none.

"And just why do you imagine someone might be 'after you,' as you put it?" she asked.

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

Too close, woman. The owner of the voice took a step away from her. "They want what they can't see," the Voice said. "I also find that one mob might be paranoia, but two is a sign that can't be ignored. It is not my imagination that leads me to believe that people are after me."

[arrogantmage.livejournal.com]

Lezard Valeth was nothing short of delighted. Apparently, invisible rapists were his idea of congenial company.

"Have you dematerialized?" he inquired of the unseen voice. "It's quite a handy skill to have, isn't it?"

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

"If you are asking about my physical state, let me assure you that all of the material to make a man is still present," the Voice said, and there was a slight tinge of uncertainty. It wasn't every day the Invisible Man met someone as unhinged as he was. "If having the power of being the sighted man in the land of the blind is what you might call 'handy,' then I would agree."

[unluckiest-star.livejournal.com]

Starman sidled up to the approximate location of the Voice, striving for inconspicuous. Unfortunately, he was completely unaware of how very much a glittery spacescape spandex bodysuit worked against inconspicuousness.

"Jacques?" he hissed out of the corner of his mouth. "What gives? Did Brainy rework the Plan again?"

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

The Voice was silent, as glittery spandex was enough to make even the Invisible Man avoid the crazy. Let the man talk to himself.

[omg-sunflora.livejournal.com]

Sunflora looked around for a creature to go with the voice.

She saw none.

Beat.

"EEK!"

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

"A talking plant," the Voice said. The sound of feet came up behind Sunflora. "I wonder if I should ask permission before I examine such an oddity."

Vote: Squib times two.

[papayagami.livejournal.com]

"WHAT?" Soichiro and Caron said at the same time, and let their outrage be known by their votes.

The mun relishes playing two detectives.

(http://s7.photobucket.com/albums/y278/kazokuhouou/?action=view&current=untitled-1.png)

(http://s7.photobucket.com/albums/y278/kazokuhouou/?action=view&current=untitled.png)

Re: Vote: Squib times two.

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

"You cannot see them, but I assure you, I have ears in good working order," the Voice said in reply to the outcry. "Your collective volume is unnecessary."

[woocha.livejournal.com]

Wishbone kept sniffing and sniffing. He heard a human, he smelled a human, but he couldn't see a human. Oddly enough, he never considered that it might be the Invisible Man cause the mun prefers Orwell anyway.

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

Dogs. He hated dogs. If this one came closer, it would get a swift kick to the ribs.

[ringo-raver.livejournal.com]

Ryuk was laughing in midair. He found this hilarious.

"Way to beat a shinigami! No way can you be killed by a Death Note now!" he said mid laugh.

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

"I'm afraid I fail to grasp your meaning," the Voice said.

[ra-tilt-chimera.livejournal.com]

Zel looked disgusted, but didn't say anything on the subject of what he was disgusted with. What he did say was, "Somehow I doubt being invisible makes you of use to anyone but yourself, in the end. How can you trust someone when you can't be sure where they are until they speak?"

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

"Why should I care about my usefulness to others?" the Voice asked. "All I need is that they be of use to me."

Vote: Squib x infinity

[righteous-pen.livejournal.com]

If Ryuk was still around, he'd see Mikami's face turn white. Not because of Griffin's immunity to Death Notes - he hadn't fully registered that yet, since he'd been forced to accept for a long time that he couldn't delete anyone from Hogwarts anyway.

It was the answer to question four.

"...what."

His voice was a low growl, the hand that held the application trembling a little with fury. The vote was more than obvious.

Re: Vote: Squib x infinity

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

"I sense another attack of self-righteousness coming on," the Voice said from far away from Mikami. "Am I going to be treated to the defense of the old moral order?"

[nerdsexgoddess.livejournal.com]

Amaranth, predictably, only got to the sexual harassment question.

She shudderede visibly and nearly swooned. "Oh, please tell me that's a promise."

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

There was a pause, as if the Invisible Man was collecting his thoughts, which he was. Question four had been only hypothetical. He really had been too caught up in his research to even think of a woman. Being invisible had cut him off from humanity, especially the fairer sex.

The Voice came from behind her. "Do you often tempt such dangerous things?"

Vote: Squib

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

After seeing to Wishbone's injuries (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1753554.html), A strode into the sorting room ready to cause pain. Wishbone was his friend, and for him to be hurt...

The answers to the questions on the application, however, were enough to make him turn white.

"You're, you, you're horrible. And you hurt my friend!"

(http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v610/atalantapendragonne/?action=view&current=071016jonasstaal1.jpg)

Re: Vote: Squib

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

"So, so, so I've been told," the Voice said, mocking A. The Voice moved around the room as it spoke. "Although I've yet to cause harm here." The dog didn't even register to him. "Your friend must be mistaken. Has it become the fashion here to blame trips and falls on Invisible Men?"

[everythinguever.livejournal.com]

Billy came in, having been drawn by the commotion, moments after A left. It wasnt the first time he'd passed by, so he knew Hogwarts had an invisible man now; this was just too good to pass up. He stood at a safe distance to call "Would you like some help there?"

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

If Billy was listening carefully, he'd hear the sound of heavy breathing. The Invisible Man was in pain, and he wasn't sure if Billy was a person to be trusted. After nothing else happened, a Voice came out from the corner of the room.

"Who are you?"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Ooh, this promised the potential for some entertaining chaos. "All right, which one of the Slytherin crazies do you want for a roommate?"

[invisiblemadman.livejournal.com]

"I have no plans on living in a bar," the Voice said. The Invisible Man hadn't had a conversation that had stayed civil long enough to lead to the explanation of the houses or even the school in general.

Slytherin!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Slytherin!