Application for Nikola Tesla - Callahan series by Spider Robinson

[callahans_genius]

The Victorian-dressed gentleman who walks through the door blinks and frowns. This was not where he had intended to Translate. Still, even though it's a myth that the Chinese symbols for "crisis" and "opportunity" were the same, Nikola is still moved by curiosity to explore in case the latter could be created from the apparent former.

Finding the application and the quill pen waiting for him on a writing desk, with his name already filled in at the top, only fuels the curiosity more. He reaches for the quill, only to have it dance from his grip. "Curious," he murmurs, blinking again as the quill dutifully scribbles out the word.

Ah, he thinks, careful not to speak again. I see! Very clever! When the pen does not move to his thoughts, he nods and turns his attention to the questions.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Though I have not had the pleasure of eating it for some time," he dictates for the quill, "I am a great fan of the Kashkaval from my homeland of Croatia. I am particularly fond of it sliced and grilled, as it does not melt as other cheeses do."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"I thoroughly disapprove of killing. However, I would not be upset should something unfortunate happen to that purple monstrosity."

3. What time is it where you are?

"Impossible to answer, as I do not currently know where I am. However, as I am almost certainly in the same ficton as I was before coming here, it should be shortly after midnight, Greenwich Mean Time."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Nikola thinks for a moment. "I am not familiar with any of these names, so I can unfortunately not think as they would. Further, I have no interest in sexual harassment of any sort. Such is thoroughly unbecoming."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

At this one, Tesla chuckles in recollection. "It is funny to ask this, as I have taken a turn behind the bar at my dear friend Jacob's bar. It is called simply The Place."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Again, I am unfamiliar with these names, nor do I see how world mythologies can assist in such a choice."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"A variant of the Law of Diminishing Returns, I expect. The more you do, the more you are expected to do, and consequently, the less you accomplish."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Another soft chuckle. "Let me see. I invented radio, alternating current, the "AND" logic gate critical for computer circuitry, among quite a number of other things. I was called the Father of the Twentieth Century. Oh, and I have helped to save the universe on a number of occasions. Perhaps that is useful enough?"

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"Squibbing sounds rather unpleasant, so I suppose I must make some sort of offer. I am not certain what sort of bribe is likely to be accepted, so I can only truly offer my services as a scientist and inventor. Perhaps you require free electricity? Or other similar services? You shall have to tell me what you require, and we can come to terms."



I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. JRA
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. JRA
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. JRA
One day, marmalade will rule the world. JRA (Even though preserves will totally pwn marmalade.)

Comments

[methleigh.livejournal.com]

Severus is inclined to draw back at this litany of muggle science. He disregards all of this but the end and the beginning.

"I must admit a certain curiosity," Despite myself. "Why are you fond of the world if you view humanity as short-sightedness as a prime characteristic?"

[callahans_genius]

"Their limitless potential," Tesla says at once. "I have had the opportunity to know something about how the human race will eventually grow and mature, and so I feel some manner of responsibility in making sure that it does not destroy itself before it can realize that potential."

[methleigh.livejournal.com]

"You have a wizardly gift of prophecy, divination?" This doesn't seem likely from someone so devoted to muggle science. He himself has little interest in the human race. It will continue much the same, he is sure. "What then, do you think, it has the potential to accomplish? And if it is mere technological change, how will they be any different inherently?"

He seems inclined to approach this man interview-style, with questions. But he is not concerned by this either.

[callahans_genius]

"Nothing so complicated. My patrons are from the far future of the human race, and I have spent quite some time in their native ficton, so I have seen it firsthand. It is so much more than mere technological advancement. The mental and social advances are staggering as well."

pipe dreams and delusions of grandeur: GRYFFINDOR!

[methleigh.livejournal.com]

"You have actual information from the future, and they speak of actual change in the nature of humanity, not its trappings but its actual quality? I have not noticed that humanity has ever changed, throughout any civilisation of which I have ever heard. Save that there was perhaps once no civilisation. if you can call it that." Severus sniffs skeptically.

Re: pipe dreams and delusions of grandeur: GRYFFINDOR!

[callahans_genius]

Tesla ducks his head slightly. "I mean no disrespect, but I do have the advantage of having several times as much history to look back upon than you do."

Re: pipe dreams and delusions of grandeur: GRYFFINDOR!

[methleigh.livejournal.com]

Severus raises an eyebrow. Oh, really? He leans closer and is not smiling. "So, exactly how have they changed then? Exactly what will they do with themselves if they are not mired and distracted by their stupid petty little problems of desire, preference and vague dissatisfactions with one another? That is what humanity, as they say, has always put first."

Re: pipe dreams and delusions of grandeur: GRYFFINDOR!

[callahans_genius]

"I understand that this place is foremost a school of magic, am I correct? Would it therefore surprise you to know that by the time of my patrons, such things are commonplace? Though not under the moniker of 'magic', the ability of the average person to control their environment through mental command and force of will increases exponentially."

He steps forward, closing the gap between himself and Snape...

... and is then behind the Potions Master, having not crossed the intervening space.

"You no doubt find such a demonstration banal and uninteresting," Tesla continues. "But in that future ficton, it is the least of the abilities inherent in all people."

[methleigh.livejournal.com]

Severus looks offended and turns, his wand out a little too late. How could he have expected this? He hadn't felt the man walk through him. He puts the wand away again, unsure of himself.

"This will be usual for all humanity? They will be wizards then?" He has to remember that people from all worlds come to Hogwarts. He does not know the spell, but this man seems remarkably calm and self-confident. Was it a spell? He finds it very far from banal, despite himself. "That ability in itself will call for all manner of new laws, design considerations and the development of new privacy issues. Can the ability be countered?"

[callahans_genius]

"The interesting thing is that before humanity is able to open themselves to the point of developing the ability openly, they have to first be united to the point of transcending such petty concerns. There is, quite simply, no need to counter it because no one would think of abusing it."

All right, due to the purely technological nature of the discussion: Ravenclaw.

[methleigh.livejournal.com]

This is, frankly, a relief. On the other hand, Severus simply cannot picture it. "And will this be an inherent ability, or an example of an inherent ability, its degree of presence based inversely on the degree of inclination of its bearer to abuse it?"

The man doesn't seem to be lying, but it could be a completely different earth from which he has come.

[callahans_genius]

Tesla considers his answer for a moment, lips pursed in thought.

"I prefer to think of it as evolution. An untapped potential of the mind that began as a mutation but eventually grew in numbers because it was linked to a particular mental framework that conferred a survival advantage."

[methleigh.livejournal.com]

"Does this mean then that at some point humanity will have to worry about survival? At present, it scarcely matters how fit or clever one is or what qualities one possesses. One is scarcely allowed to die, at least in Britain." Even he would not have starved without Hogwarts. Even his parents had maintained life, with charity and the help of the muggle government.

A sudden thought strikes him. "Or will the political system degenerate to the point where the unlucky and the incompetent are allowed to rot?"

[callahans_genius]

"It does get worse before it gets better," Tesla admits. "Though I am hesitant to reveal details."

[methleigh.livejournal.com]

"I understand the paradoxes of time travel," Severus says a little stiffly. How has he waded into this conversation, but he cannot help be interested. "But that is surely to be expected - that only need would precipitate such a change, and only unfortunate events would produce need."

More naturally he asks, "Are you then from the future, that you have acquired this inherent ability? Or is it acquired in your case?"

[callahans_genius]

"I am not native to that future, no. In my case, the knowledge and ability was acquired through a combination of training and rejuvenation treatments that helped to open the neural pathways necessary."

[methleigh.livejournal.com]

"My hospital colleague has a great interest in such things as neural pathways and exploration of the brain." This is true and Severus imagines Hook's enthusiasm at this new potential for muggle science. "I am also curious, of course. It seems akin to our own apparition."

[callahans_genius]

Nikola nods. "I had surmised as such from young Mr. Weasley's description. I hypothesize that you and those others with such ability represent the beginnings of the genetic mutation that will eventually come to dominate the human race."

[methleigh.livejournal.com]

"But wizards have been around for centuries. We have simply remained hidden. There is no beginning and I pray that there is no end." He thinks of the Death-eaters again, as e often does. What would they make of this notion that there would be no more divisions of blood, but that the entire human and mudblooded race would be wizards? He does not have a ready answer.

"Comparing your ability with apparition, I understand what you meant about its abuse being unthinkable. One could apparate into another's home or room, but one simply does not, any more than one crawls in their windows while they are sleeping." Severus nods.

[callahans_genius]

"Precisely. Once you attain the ability, you may understand the ways it could be abused, but they are simply beyond consideration. And as for wizards... a century, even several, is an eyeblink on the evolutionary scale. It is quite possible that your kind represent the next step along that chain."