Application for Nikola Tesla - Callahan series by Spider Robinson

[callahans_genius]

The Victorian-dressed gentleman who walks through the door blinks and frowns. This was not where he had intended to Translate. Still, even though it's a myth that the Chinese symbols for "crisis" and "opportunity" were the same, Nikola is still moved by curiosity to explore in case the latter could be created from the apparent former.

Finding the application and the quill pen waiting for him on a writing desk, with his name already filled in at the top, only fuels the curiosity more. He reaches for the quill, only to have it dance from his grip. "Curious," he murmurs, blinking again as the quill dutifully scribbles out the word.

Ah, he thinks, careful not to speak again. I see! Very clever! When the pen does not move to his thoughts, he nods and turns his attention to the questions.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Though I have not had the pleasure of eating it for some time," he dictates for the quill, "I am a great fan of the Kashkaval from my homeland of Croatia. I am particularly fond of it sliced and grilled, as it does not melt as other cheeses do."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"I thoroughly disapprove of killing. However, I would not be upset should something unfortunate happen to that purple monstrosity."

3. What time is it where you are?

"Impossible to answer, as I do not currently know where I am. However, as I am almost certainly in the same ficton as I was before coming here, it should be shortly after midnight, Greenwich Mean Time."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Nikola thinks for a moment. "I am not familiar with any of these names, so I can unfortunately not think as they would. Further, I have no interest in sexual harassment of any sort. Such is thoroughly unbecoming."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

At this one, Tesla chuckles in recollection. "It is funny to ask this, as I have taken a turn behind the bar at my dear friend Jacob's bar. It is called simply The Place."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Again, I am unfamiliar with these names, nor do I see how world mythologies can assist in such a choice."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"A variant of the Law of Diminishing Returns, I expect. The more you do, the more you are expected to do, and consequently, the less you accomplish."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Another soft chuckle. "Let me see. I invented radio, alternating current, the "AND" logic gate critical for computer circuitry, among quite a number of other things. I was called the Father of the Twentieth Century. Oh, and I have helped to save the universe on a number of occasions. Perhaps that is useful enough?"

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"Squibbing sounds rather unpleasant, so I suppose I must make some sort of offer. I am not certain what sort of bribe is likely to be accepted, so I can only truly offer my services as a scientist and inventor. Perhaps you require free electricity? Or other similar services? You shall have to tell me what you require, and we can come to terms."



I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. JRA
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. JRA
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. JRA
One day, marmalade will rule the world. JRA (Even though preserves will totally pwn marmalade.)

Comments

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"Did you meet any fungals?" The Hat asked. "In a mushroom where all the fungies and fungals could get together?"

[callahans_genius]

"Actually, there was one young lady. Shiitake my hand and led me into truffle, button my honor, morel never tell."

Spending too much time with Mike and Sally had clearly had a bad influence on him.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

A look of consternation crossed its features when the Hat was denied access to juicy gossip.

It shuddered in frustration and grumbled, “Mustutake the morel root? Chanterelle assume you blewit.”

[callahans_genius]

"Crimini!" Tesla exclaims. "I maitake honors in my own circles, but you are formidable in your own white."

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"I am known as Sorting Hat the Wise," it crowed, having been particularly pleased with the title the puppet Ronald Weasley gave it. The Hat had become quite adept at punship (or, considering the groans it produced, 'puniship') when it was locked away 364 days out of a year to wait for new, easily categorized first-years. How happy the Hat was when new students started appearing every week!

The Hat changed the subject (and thank goodness for that), "And Father of the Twentieth Century? You must be so proud. Oh, they grow up so fast. I actually have heard the rumor, though, that the Father of the Seventeenth Century was," the Hat hesitated to speak such scandal, "the mailman."

[callahans_genius]

He laughs. "Oh, one always hears such things. Best not to take them too seriously."

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

The Hat added solemnly, "All we know for sure is that the father was a Male Man. Now, I must swiftly sort you, before the school groans so deeply it collapses inside itself."

[callahans_genius]

"Yes, that would not do at all. I must endeavor to keep myself in the position of groanskeeper, then."