Application for Nikola Tesla - Callahan series by Spider Robinson

[callahans_genius]

The Victorian-dressed gentleman who walks through the door blinks and frowns. This was not where he had intended to Translate. Still, even though it's a myth that the Chinese symbols for "crisis" and "opportunity" were the same, Nikola is still moved by curiosity to explore in case the latter could be created from the apparent former.

Finding the application and the quill pen waiting for him on a writing desk, with his name already filled in at the top, only fuels the curiosity more. He reaches for the quill, only to have it dance from his grip. "Curious," he murmurs, blinking again as the quill dutifully scribbles out the word.

Ah, he thinks, careful not to speak again. I see! Very clever! When the pen does not move to his thoughts, he nods and turns his attention to the questions.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Though I have not had the pleasure of eating it for some time," he dictates for the quill, "I am a great fan of the Kashkaval from my homeland of Croatia. I am particularly fond of it sliced and grilled, as it does not melt as other cheeses do."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"I thoroughly disapprove of killing. However, I would not be upset should something unfortunate happen to that purple monstrosity."

3. What time is it where you are?

"Impossible to answer, as I do not currently know where I am. However, as I am almost certainly in the same ficton as I was before coming here, it should be shortly after midnight, Greenwich Mean Time."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Nikola thinks for a moment. "I am not familiar with any of these names, so I can unfortunately not think as they would. Further, I have no interest in sexual harassment of any sort. Such is thoroughly unbecoming."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

At this one, Tesla chuckles in recollection. "It is funny to ask this, as I have taken a turn behind the bar at my dear friend Jacob's bar. It is called simply The Place."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Again, I am unfamiliar with these names, nor do I see how world mythologies can assist in such a choice."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"A variant of the Law of Diminishing Returns, I expect. The more you do, the more you are expected to do, and consequently, the less you accomplish."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Another soft chuckle. "Let me see. I invented radio, alternating current, the "AND" logic gate critical for computer circuitry, among quite a number of other things. I was called the Father of the Twentieth Century. Oh, and I have helped to save the universe on a number of occasions. Perhaps that is useful enough?"

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"Squibbing sounds rather unpleasant, so I suppose I must make some sort of offer. I am not certain what sort of bribe is likely to be accepted, so I can only truly offer my services as a scientist and inventor. Perhaps you require free electricity? Or other similar services? You shall have to tell me what you require, and we can come to terms."



I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. JRA
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. JRA
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. JRA
One day, marmalade will rule the world. JRA (Even though preserves will totally pwn marmalade.)

Comments

[callahans_genius]

"You are not native to this ficton either?" Tesla asks quickly. "I must confess to being surprised. I have not met anyone other than my patrons or my protege who possess the ability."

[chaotic-miles.livejournal.com]

"I'm not sure what a fictin is," Miles asserted, "But I'm pretty sure that the actual natives of this universe are a small minority compared to those of us who just kind of..." he made a vague gesture, "ended up here."

[callahans_genius]

"Ah, forgive me. A ficton is our word for a set of time-and-place coordinates. So, you are saying that you did not come here by choice either?"

[chaotic-miles.livejournal.com]

Miles shook his head. "Nope. If I'd come here deliberately, I definitely would have brought at least one or two other people with me to share the experience."

[callahans_genius]

Nikola purses his lips in thought. "I see. Well, this is certainly something that deserves further study. I have never heard of any way to distort spacetime in this manner."

Vote: Ravenclaw

[chaotic-miles.livejournal.com]

"I'd be interested to learn your findings on that matter, too," Miles said with another of those grins. "I guess that makes you a Ravenclaw. I think you'll like it there. The place not only has a lab in the common room, but a well-stocked bar, too."

Re: Vote: Ravenclaw

[callahans_genius]

He nods. "I look forward to seeing both. Thank you."