Unfortunate Truth

[shaychlendel.livejournal.com]

((Closed thread for now, Vanyel and Tylendel.))

Freshly sorted, and with a relieved sens of freedom, Tylendel left the sorting room hand in hand with Vanyel, casting his first glances around the castle proper.



"Gods, Vanyel," he breathed, taking it all in. "It's like nothing I've ever seen! This place is... it's like the magic in stories we heard as children!" He gazed at Vanyel, a childlike amazement in his eyes. "Imagine, ashke, we live here now! Together!"

He ran to the balcony to watch the moving staircases and the other students, noticing the ghosts and the paintings, everything mystified him.

"Where are the dormitories, could you take me there?"

Comments

[vanyel-peacock.livejournal.com]

He curled closer to Tylendel, letting out some of the tears he'd spent days trying to hold back.

"I don't even know if I'm dead or alive," he said softly. "I woke up here, in that room, bleeding."

[shaychlendel.livejournal.com]

He choked, and pulled Vanyel as close to him as he could get. His shields were melting, slowly, going in paper-thin increments.

"You can't leave me, Van. If you go, I'll die forever."

[vanyel-peacock.livejournal.com]

"I'm not leaving you," he said, sobbing. "But you can't leave me again, either."

His body was shaking slightly from the strain of all this. "What makes you think I could leave you? Why do you think even though I'm exhausted, I sat through your sorting with you?" Vanyel's voice was bordering on hysteric at this point

"I can't do this alone, Lendel."

[shaychlendel.livejournal.com]

"You don't have to be alone, Van! You don't know what alone is!" he nearly shouted. Van hurt, yes, but Tylendel had lost nearly everyone he held dear! Van hadn't loved before, hadn't known a Companion, a twin, the secret, sacred bonds that Tylendel had shared with Staven and Gala.

He could feel it through Van's shaky, thin wards, and - Goddess help him - the nasty and vicious part of him wanted to turn it against Van, make him see. Make him know he couldn't ever leave.

And around him, the shields were going like ice in the summer heat, melting away to nearly nothing.

[vanyel-peacock.livejournal.com]

"Don't," he said desperately, feeling the looming power around him as his head began pounding. He couldn't think, nearly couldn't see straight, from all the emotions he'd had to relive, and relive calmly.

[shaychlendel.livejournal.com]

"Don't? Don't what, Van?" He pushed at it, the last of the shields emptying away into nothing, quick and messy and leaving his power mostly spent, but he was still aware enough to push at Van. He gripped Vanyel's arms with a terrible force and stared into his eyes.

"You're all I have, Vanyel. You're all I'll ever have again. I've died to come here to you, but you're still alive. You cannot, cannot leave me!"

[vanyel-peacock.livejournal.com]

"Who said I wanted to?" he wailed. "Who was begging you never to leave, before you remembered at thing?" At that point, Vanyel started sobbing incoherently.

[shaychlendel.livejournal.com]

"You can choose, Van!" He sobbed back, pushing himself away and falling to the ground. "You can find someone else, you can go off with A or that stupid redhead or anyone but all I have is you! I have to make you understand!" He buried his face in his hands, choking on sobs and trying, begging himself to stop, to just let it all stop now, stop hurting Van, stop hurting himself.

"You can forget me," he mumbled into his hands, shaking. "You can forget me, and then what will I do? Van, please, don't. Don't ever forever..."

[vanyel-peacock.livejournal.com]

"No," he said. "I can't. How do you think I was there so fast earlier, 'Lendel? When you're gone, there's a gaping hole where you ought to be."

He slid himself to the floor, and took Tylendel into his arms. "What makes you think I want anyone else? I need you, I need your strength."

He started laughing, laughing wildly, in a way that wasn't in the least bit normal. "A? No, 'Lendel. And not Kurama, either. The only reason he was such an asshole earlier is that he got first hand experience of the damage that losing you did to me. He had to scrape me off the floor, more than once. But I never wanted him. I didn't even really want him touching me."

[shaychlendel.livejournal.com]

He sobbed, lost for words, clutching at Vanyel and holding tight.

"Just don't... don't ever." He quieted then, the hurt pooling around both of them like a miasma, and held on.

[vanyel-peacock.livejournal.com]

He slumped down, leaning on Tylendel for support, and started sobbing again. "I can't," he said. "I know how much it hurts, to be alone." At that point, he stopped speaking, just burying himself as much in Tylendel as he could manage.

[shaychlendel.livejournal.com]

"Forgive me," he said numbly, crowing cold as he grew exhausted. "I didn't mean it, Van, I'm sorry..."

[vanyel-peacock.livejournal.com]

He sniffed a little, and wiped his face with the back of his hand. "We're a pretty fine mess, aren't we 'Lendel?" he asked, with half a laugh in his voice.

"Of course I forgive you," he said. He realised they were both so exhausted they were likely to fall asleep. "Maybe we should crawl over to the bed?" he asked.

[shaychlendel.livejournal.com]

He nodded dumbly, gripping Vanyel to him obsessively. "Yeah, I think... sleep would be good for us."

[vanyel-peacock.livejournal.com]

Vanyel struggled to a halfway upright position, one hand still on Tylendel, before pulling him to his feet, and stumbling slowly over to the bed. He pulled back the covers, and sat down with a thump, pulling his boots off, before slumping into the bed, and pulling 'Lendel to a seat next to him.

"Just get the boots off, 'Lendel," he said. "We'll worry about different clothes after we sleep."

Vanyel was, in truth, totally exhausted, and was holding himself awake by sheer force of will until he could wrap himself around his lover.

[shaychlendel.livejournal.com]

He kicked off his boots, not bothering to watch where they fell, and crawled in next to Vanyel, feeling like he'd been put through a laundry wringer.

"You'd better still be here when I wake up," he said, his voice as light as he could manage. "I love you, Van."

He wrapped his arms around Vanyel's waist, pressing his cheek to his shoulder.

[vanyel-peacock.livejournal.com]

Vanyel wrapped his arms around 'Lendel as well, pulling him close. "I love you too, and that statement about still being here goes both ways. Wake me up if you need a piss, I mean it," he said. With that, he pulled the blanket up over them both, and slid his arm back under, before falling into the sleep he'd been trying so hard to resist.