Owl from Mello to A

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

A,

Hey, just wanted to make sure you and the kittens cats are doing okay. If you need anything, let me know. I'll be in the common room for a while, avoiding the library like the plague if you want to talk.

M.

Comments

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

Both touches make him flinch, slightly, but a flinch nonetheless. It hunders his balance and he wobbles, not quite falling.

"I don't think I will ever want to be touched," he says softly.

It's different when it's L,or Kusuryuri. But he wouldn't be comfortable with Matt touching him either.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"All things considered," I say softly, backing away, "I can understand." I frown, trying to think of something he could learn without contact. "Near took tai chi. I think that's the only martial art you can learn without a lot of contact. It's not really for fighting, though."

I stand in front of him, "Fighting is contact, hitting, being hit, falling, learning to fall so it doesn't hurt you. It isn't easy, A, and I really don't know how to teach you without touching you, having you touch me."

"I'll leave it to you. You can tell me 'later' and I'll wait until you say when."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

A frowns as well. "I should learn. I want to learn. But I can't..."

His breathing has sped up. His words trail off, and he closes his eyes.

"I can't."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

Shit, not this. I don't want to deal with a panic attack again. "Listen, A, it's okay. Maybe I can get Near to show me some tai chi, so you can get comfortable with the movements without being touched and then we can move on to fighting when you're more comfortable with me and with your own body."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

A keeps his eyes closed; it's easier this way.

"Maybe," he says distantly.

Perhaps the sessions with Kusuriyuri will help.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"I'll do that, then. I'll have Near teach me and when you're ready, let me know, owl or find me." I move away from him, toward the kittens, still curled around each other on the bed. I run a finger down Schrodinger's back. "Until then, can I still come see the kittens from time to time?"

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"You can always see the kittens." A opens his eyes, breathing easier bit by bit. He's not angry at Mello, or even upset with him, really. If anything, he's upset with himself.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

"Thanks," I say, smiling fondly at the two.

"And, A, before I go, I want you to understand something. It's okay that you're not ready. All the touch you've had hasn't been good, so it'll just take time. I'm sure you will be ready."

I stretch slightly. "I'm going to go outside or something. Anything but the library for a while."

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

A nods, looking a little troubled. He doesn't like that he can't do this. He resolves to make up for it, for now at least, by keeping his spellcasting skills sharp.

"I. I will try," he promises, sitting on the bed and pulling the (too sleepy to protest) close.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I smile at him. "You're one of us. That means more than someone else's try. When we try, we generally succeed."

I walk over to the door. "Do I need a password out?"

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

He tries to smile at the encouragement, and at the way Schrodinger and Einstein press close to him even in their sleep.

"No, no, it will let you out."

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

I nod. I've said all I can think of. "I'll catch you later, then. And, if you need anything, or if you need a short break from the cats, let me know." I hesitate a moment before fully opening the door, though, in case he does have something else to say.

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"Thank you," he says softly, for Mello's help.

Although the idea of needing a break from Einstein and Schrodinger is strange.