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"Except concerning Mello. And is L investigating him?"

A few more steps, and he hopes that Near will see. That he can have this, and still have L. Personally, he thinks that the emotions come from the 'Nate' part of him, since Near was something created entirely to be L the minute someone glanced at his first test scores.

"Are your dice towers all suddenly lopsided, Near? You deduced who I was from a few sparse files and a poorly sketched image or two."

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Near whirled on him. "L doesn't waste his time on untangling petty romances. L knows that Mello is a creature of his passions and given to self-indulgence. It isn't L who moans when he's whipped or begs to be fucked."

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"Near has the relationships he wants to. Near may have his heart broken, and may be whipped and may beg and hurt and like it. Lawliet may care for his- what? Successor? Student? Peer?"

He isn't sure if that name is written anywhere, in a file or on some paper that they forgot to shred. He doesn't care either way. Near has already been trusted with everything else.

"L is larger than the both of them, and will, must exist no matter who cares for whom or fucks or is fucked. As long as that is not lost, then what does it matter what Near wants or risks or needs?"

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"It matters to Mello," Near says, and he's not even sure if he's speaking from certainty or hope. "L does what L must, but it's Near that Mello loves."

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"Then you will have to be capable of being both."

He takes his thumb out of his mouth, and shrugs lightly.

"I have faith that you are."

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"It's not being L that is difficult," Near said, acknowledging the praise with a small, sad smile. "Being Near is the uncomfortable part."

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"Uncomfortable, Near? Or unfamiliar? Remember, that you have been groomed to be L since the outset. Perhaps it is a little uncomfortable, at first, but it is also very new."

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"Perhaps it is like being born. Although by that analogy, Mello would be the midwife, and the image is a perverse one."

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"Whether or not your relationship with him goes well, I could not say. He is volatile, Near, you know that. You are both moving very quickly. I hope it does. But even if it does not, Near will still be there. Maybe a little sadder, but not lost. He is only helping to coax you out."

That was... surprisingly tiring. He closes his eyes, momentarily.

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"I... never would have imagined you concerning yourself with this. Unless it is merely a worry that it might compromise my effectiveness."

Because, really, what else would it be?

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He opens his eyes and stares at Near, flatly.

"Of course."

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"It seems... outside your sphere of interests."

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"If you are to succeed me, you must be able to at least approximate emotional stability."

What else could it possibly be?

"Since I die soon, and you will be needed, it seemed appropriate."

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"My stability wasn't an issue." Agitation eroded what little tact Near possessed. "I succeeded where you failed."

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"Then I failed."

He climbs to his feet. His knees crack; he's been sitting here too long.

It's difficult to breathe and he isn't sure why.

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"My detachment served me well," Near murmured.

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He has nothing he can think of to say, and he's too shaken to really say goodbye.

He probably could have been twenty, and living under a death sentence, and everything if he was going to pretend it might mean something, but this...

The walk from the bed to the door isn't exactly slow, and he picks up speed quickly as he passes through it.

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I'm about to open the door when it suddenly opens before I can touch it. Before I can fully comprehend what is going on, I'm in a tangle of limbs on the floor. I really don't need this now. I look down, relieved to not find white hair attached to the head of the body that attacked me. "You can get up, you know."

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"Excuse me, Mello."

L's voice is as flat as ever. Perhaps a little quieter. He sits up, and offers him a hand.

"I should have been watching where I was going."

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I frowned. This didn't seem like the L we'd come to know. That L didn't make stupid mistakes. And why was he leaving our room? What mess am I going to have to clean up now? Like I didn't have enough already. "Yes, you should have, Ryuzaki. Why weren't you?"

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"Near was explaining the circumstances of my death to me."

Mello will learn as much from him, he might as well try and make the best of it by reacting and admitting it calmly.

"I am not yet accustomed to the idea."

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I eye him. "Right," I drawl out. "And when you feel like not wasting my time." The only thing that stops me from pushing him out of my way is a life time of the 'L is next to god' crap we got at Whammy's. I may not look up to him, but it is drilled into me to at least pretend to respect him. I put my hands on my hips, waiting.

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He steps out of the way, so that he can pass by freely, and inclines his head politely.

"Near is in."

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"I should hope so." Fuck, this was going to be a mess. I step past him, growling as I do, "If you did anything to him..."

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