Application: Ssillissa, Larklight

[justabluelizard.livejournal.com]

The door opened, and Ssillissa slipped into the sorting room. She glanced around, not recognizing her surroundings, and shrugged. Although Larklight no longer had its original alien gravity generators, it was still a large, strange house. She must have gotten turned around somewhere, she decided, and opened the door to get back to some part of the house she recognized.

A hallway, very different from the one she’d just left and far to long to be in Larklight, stretched off to either side. Ssil stepped carefully back away from the door, a shiver running all the way down her spine to the club at the end of her tail. Something very strange was going on. She carefully examined the room, looking for some clue as to what had happened. The sunlight at the window suggested that she was on a planet, which just made the situation weirder. Last she’d checked, she’d been orbiting Earth somewhere beyond the moon.

Besides going out into that unfamiliar hallway, which, for some reason, she was really not ready to do, the only remotely productive thing to do seemed to be to fill out the application.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I’m not sure what it’s called, but a few months back we picked up a big round soft one from a merchant ship. It was kind of soft and a little sour, with a hard wax rind on it.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I may be a sometime pirate, but I am not a murderer. So unless either of those is a giant white spider who wants to demolish the solar system or something equally nasty, neither.

3. What time is it where you are?
I have no idea.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Are any of them at all like Jack Havock?
I have no idea who they are, and no idea how one would go about sexually harassing any of them.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Sir Isaac’s the Lounge Lizard Comet on the Rocks. I think.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
If either of them is actually interested in him back, that might be a good place to start…

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Bureaucracy. Bah. If you don’t want to deal with paperwork, get a job that doesn’t require it.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I’m a damn good alchemist – although I don’t have much formal training, I’ve got a kind of instinct for the chemical wedding.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I don’t have much with me – a few trinkets, though I think they’re gilt rather than gold. If I can get back to Larklight, I’ve got a whole chest of silk gowns that’ll never fit me properly, so you’re welcome to those.