Completely stupid questions, like "Can I have my cat back?"

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

After the clothes had been emptied out, the bag had been put away, and everything was back in order, there was one last task to do before admitting that the vacation was over.

Getting back the unholy demon of furry terror, the cat named Dog.

Dog had been dropped off with a babysitter, who if not completely reliable, could at least be trusted to feed her regularly. Or so Grant hoped. He didn't really have a lot of faith in that department. So when he knocked on Ian Malcolm's door, he was fully prepared to be greeted by a hairball that was going to eat his shins.

Or at least ignore him for a week. Cats were like that.

Comments

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

At that particular moment, Ian was trying to work out a quadratic equation with one kitten - his own, Fractal - trying to eat a corner of the parchment and the other - Fractal's littermate Dog - launching kamikaze attacks at the moving quill.

So it was in perhaps not the most welcoming tone that he snapped, "WHAT," at the sound of the knock.

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

Somebody to share the irritation with!

"I want my cat back," he said through the door. Unless Malcolm was heading a kitten cartel, Grant figured that should be enough to identify himself. "What the hell are you doing to her?"

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

Ian yanked open the door, visibly frazzled, with Dog in one hand and the quill in the other.

"What, you mean besides feeding her, watering her, catering to her every whim, and doing all the general sorts of things that inspire loyalty and devotion in 99 percent of the domesticated animal kingdom? Nothing much. Just asking her how she manages to mimic so precisely your attitude. I swear it's like you never left."

Dog punctuated this speech with the occasional lunge for the quill.

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

Grant took the cat back, and she decided at that moment that she was tired of being manhandled, and now was a good time to bite something.

"Christ!" He shuffled the cat to his other arm and rubbed his injured hand against his pant leg. "That's nothing. Do you remember that toy you gave me? The dinosaur? Laura's cat-thing can work it." He knew that it was a tree-cat, but right now he didn't care.

"Imagine a cat with hands, teaming up with your cat, and then complain to me about bad behavior."

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

"Ha. Next time you're catsitting Fractal. See how you like having these two little monsters ganged up. - And Laura's cat! Yes, you can cope with the three of them!" He brightened at the thought. "You need a first-aid kit for that? And how was your trip? And would you like a chair cushion, mostly shredded?"

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

"That would imply that you actually have somewhere to go, wouldn't it?"

He could do without the cheery crap. "The hand is still attached, so I think I'll live, and I have enough shredded cushions, thank you." They had actually been shredded before he got the cat. Duct-taped furniture was the way to go.

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

Ian scowled. "What, is that the new decorating trend? Nobody ever tells me these things." A streak of white and gray fur shot over his feet and into the hall, yowling loudly. "Aw Hell. Grant, I think your cat's a bad influence on my cat."

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

Grant was about to make another snappy remark when a cat zipped out. "Well, you'd better go catch him," he replied, not moving an inch to help.

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

Ian made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat, then pulled out his wand and cast a ward on the end of the hallway. "He's going to be coming back this way in a minute. I don't suppose you'd mind blocking?"

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

He doubted his skills against a cat bent on freedom, but what the heck. Still holding a cat that was rooting for the other side, he moved to the center of the hallway. "Can't you just bind him?"

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

Ian gave him the look commonly known as "duh".

"I'm guessing you've never tried that on Dog. Doesn't work very well."

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

Grant did not appreciate that look, as it was one that he frequently used himself. Instead he went with Annoyed Glare.

"No, I haven't." In any case, the cat was heading back his way, and with his hands full, Grant was hoping to avoid a game of Cat Soccer.

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

"All right, I'll do it myself." A wave of his wand, and Fractal's food dish floated into the hall. Another wave, and his kibble transfigured into ground beef. The cat's eyes got big and he slowed to a stop at the dish.

As he dug in, a large hand swooped down from above. Ian stood and held Fractal to his chest, and with his wand hand levitated the food dish back into its usual place.

"Gee. Thanks for that. I'll be sure to remember it next time you need a catsitter."

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

Another glare!

"It was either drop this one to dive for yours, or step on him," Grant pointed out. "Which one would you like?"

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

And it's Duh!, part deux!

"To drop that one. Obviously. What, you haven't got her trained to heel yet, oh mighty COMC teacher?"

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

Training a cat. To heel. He'd have better luck getting the tribbles to juggle. (Juggling tribbles, on the other hand, was doable.)

"I work with animals, I don't do miracles. Besides, you had it all under control."

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

"Yeah yeah. Your faith in me is touching. Can I get back to my work now or have you got any more digs you've been saving up while you were away?"

If nothing else, work would have to be easier with only one maniac cat in the house instead of two.

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

"Oh, come on. With such ample material, how could I ever run out of comments?" But he was done for the day, so instead of insults he muttered a grudging thanks.

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

"That's more like it," he said, and started to close the door. "Good night. And tell Ellie to come out of hiding sometime, will you? Haven't seen her around in ages. We need to do a group dinner or something, now that Brennan's here."

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

A group dinner was a disaster waiting to happen. "Ellie went somewhere? Where did she go?" Grant asked, despite the fact that Ian wouldn't have asked if he had known.

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

"Hell if I know." Ian shrugged. "All I know is I haven't seen her around in a while. Why?"

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

"How long in a while?" he wanted to know. "When was the last time you saw her?"

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

He closed his eyes and looked up, thinking back. "Weeks, at least. I know I saw her after Christmas...Late January, early February maybe? Why? I thought you guys were still thick as thieves?"

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

Something was not right, but he couldn't do anything with a cat in tow. "Can you hold the cat a little bit longer? I need to go check."

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

"You can chuck her back into my room, but if you think I'm staying here with these two animals you've got another thing coming," he replied. "You've got me worried now. I'm going with."

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

He didn't wait for Ian to finish talking. As soon as he was told what to do with the cat, she was back in the room and Grant was heading down the hall. Ellie's room was farther up the tower.

When he got to the door, Grant knocked softly. "Ellie?" No answer. He tried again. "El, it's me. Are you in there?" He wasn't too worried. Maybe she was in the library.

On a whim, though, he tried the handle and was surprised when the door swung open. The room was completely empty.

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

Having spared a moment to shut his door on the cats, Ian was a couple of steps behind Grant.

"Oh." He came up behind Grant and looked over his shoulder into the empty room. "Oh no."

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

"She left." But why hadn't she left a note, or just said something? It was a bit rude, to say the least. "She must have gone home."

He'd have to call, somehow, or send a letter. To make sure that she got back safely.

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

Ian frowned as he looked around the room. "Maybe. Maybe not. There is one other possibility we really should check."

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

"No, she left. Look, all her stuff's gone. She must have packed up." Ellie had done a good job, too. She was back home, with her kids and her husband.

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

"The house-elves do that," he pointed out. "In - certain cases."

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

"She's not here," Grant said firmly. "She's not in the castle anymore."

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

Ian gave him a long, skeptical look.

"If you're that sure, then you won't mind going with me to check the plaque?"

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

"No," he said. "Look, she's gone. I've got to get back, get settled in. I need to get my cat back."

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

"Well, you'll have to wait for the cat, because I'm going to check." He turned and headed back down the hall.

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

"Hey! Where..." Grant started to protest, but Malcolm was already gone. "Fine, you can keep the cat!" he shouted. No response.

"Dammit." He followed after the other man.

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

It took several minutes to get from Ravenclaw to the second floor popcorn room. With his head start, Ian got there first, and stood staring at the names on the plaque, shaking his head.

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

Grant stood outside of the room, where he couldn't see the popcorn, and he certainly couldn't see the plaque. He couldn't hear anything fromm inside the room. He wanted to say something, but couldn't do that, either

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

"She's here," Ian said quietly. "She never left."

This was very, very bad.

"I think I need to pet my cat. Right now."

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

He let him go by without saying a word, or even looking at him. It was a joke, maybe, or a lie, except that he couldn't imagine even Malcolm joking about this.