Application for Riza Hawkeye (Fullmetal Alchemist)

[the-hawks-eye.livejournal.com]

A prim, blond woman walked into the sorting room, a black dog at her side and a rifle strapped to her back. She looked around, her eyes searching the room, stopping when they fell upon a quill and sheet of paper.

"Application?," Riza asked aloud, before sitting down to answer the questions on the sheet of paper before her.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"What kind of question is that?", she asked aloud, and then wrote simply:

Parmesan.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Riza frowned. This kept getting stranger and stranger- she didn't even know who those people were. And she didn't particularly relish killing people either.

So, she wrote,

I would only kill one of them if they were about to kill a friend or fellow soldier.

3. What time is it where you are?

Riza lifted her wrist and gave a cursory look at her watch.

17:06

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"I don't know who these people are either," she muttered under her breath.

I'll leave the harassing to my commanding officer, Riza wrote, a thin smile crossing her face.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

The Hawk's Eye, she wrote quickly. That was an easy question, at least.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Harry, Fred, and George? Is this some kind of logic problem?," she murmured. Mythology, unfortunately, was not her forte- she knew next to nothing about it. This particular question took her a few minutes to answer, and in the end, she ended up leaving anything about mythology out.

If he's having such a hard time deciding, then pehaps he should marry neither of them.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

Riza scowled at that question- it hit a little close to home. "Mustang?," she asked aloud, "Did you write this?"

If this is all Mustang's doing, then I'm the one putting it there and you had better not be disposing of it behind my back.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

I've been in the Amestris military for nearly ten years, served in the Ishbal war as a sniper, and was involved in overturning the military government in Amestris five years ago.

Best to keep that last part vague, she thought.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

Riza sighed and patted her pockets for something to offer as a bribe. All she had was her guns and a few cens in her pockets and she wasn't about to give up the former.

I have a few cens and some bullets to offer, she wrote.



I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. RH
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. RH.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. RH.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. RH

Comments

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

"I AM BEOWULF. TELL ME MORE ABOUT HARASSMENT," Beowulf boomed jovially. He was as usual stylin' with his Gryffindor tie knotted around his forehead and his Hogwarts robe worn like a smoking jacket.

[the-hawks-eye.livejournal.com]

Riza raised one eyebrow at the strange man. He was obviously drunk, she thought.

"Are you alright?," she asked.

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

"I AM MORE THAN ALL RIGHT. I AM BEOWULF. I AM SWIVING FANTASTIC."

Swiving was Beowulf-ese for fucking.

[miniskirtsplz.livejournal.com]

After he had been sorted, Roy had seen no reason to hang around the room, and hadn't been back at all. So when he was walking past it and saw a very familiar blonde woman just sort of standing there, he had to do a double take.

Was that-?

It was.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye?" He asked, coming into the room and staring at her as though he expected her to disappear. "What- How did-" He stopped. This wasn't working. With a sigh, he ran his hand through his hair. "How are you?"

[the-hawks-eye.livejournal.com]

Hawkeye glared over at Roy. "I knew you were behind this," she said in an accusing tone, jabbing her finger in his general direction.

[miniskirtsplz.livejournal.com]

"What? Behind what??" He demanded, clearly thrown by the sudden accusation. "I'm not behind anything!"

[miniskirtsplz.livejournal.com]

"Ah, well, I'm not sure that we can go back." He said quietly.

[the-hawks-eye.livejournal.com]

"We- we can't?," Riza asked, "Why do you say that?"

[rated-ec10.livejournal.com]

Preston sized up the woman, taking in the guns, the dog, and the answers to the questions. Finally, he spoke. "How good were you as a sniper?"

[the-hawks-eye.livejournal.com]

Riza didn't like to brag, so all she said was, "Good enough to be promoted to lieutenant."

[makeminemayday.livejournal.com]

((Placeholder 'cause I'm about to crash, but Riza is awesome and I wanted to tag somebody in. Riza can notice Jaime's exit, but he's not coming back.))

Two teenagers entered the Sorting Room, both in winter coats and looking a bit soaked. "'Never seen real snow before?" May echoed. "Says the guy who's got perfect aim. You suck."

"You were asking for it," Jaime said, and then he noticed they were in the Sorting Room. "Huh. Way to warn me, man." He picked up a copy of the application and skimmed it, hesitating as he recognized a familiar name.

May picked up the app as well, but didn't see anything unusual about it. So she didn't notice as Jaime set his copy down and headed right for the exit. "Yeah, there's really no rhyme or reason to the questions that I can see," she admitted. "I think it's a way to gauge how good you are at dealing with the crazy."

[the-hawks-eye.livejournal.com]

"You mean it gets worse?," Riza asked, not paying attention to the young man's exit.

[the-hawks-eye.livejournal.com]

"Voting?," Riza asked, blinking in confusion, "You mean for the houses?"

[palewhiteand]

Somebody else from the military. At least she wasn't offering to take young women out on dates the way Roy had.

"A sniper?"

[the-hawks-eye.livejournal.com]

Riza nodded firmly. "Yes." Was that all she wanted to know?

[chainedbyred.livejournal.com]

More military. Interesting. At least this place wasn't boring. "So we have you to thank for getting rid of the one-eyed wonder?" That smirk couldn't be much bigger.

[the-hawks-eye.livejournal.com]

Riza frowned and nearly asked the blond who he thought he was asking about 'one eyed wonders' when she realized it wasn't a double entendre. "Getting rid of him?," she asked, "What do you mean?"

[c-macaulay.livejournal.com]

"You were a sniper? How exciting." Camilla actually seemed to take a genuine interest in this. "But is that really all it took to overthrow the government? What kinds of strategy did you use?"

[the-hawks-eye.livejournal.com]

At least she wasn't asking how many people she'd killed, Riza thought. "To be honest, there wasn't much sniping involved in the overthrow. We staged a coup up north to divert the military's attention and then the brigadier general and I slipped back into the capitol so we could sneak into the führer's mansion." She paused a moment and then added, "He- the führer- wasn't human and quite evil, to put it simply."

[deadlywrenches.livejournal.com]

When Winry found Riza in the Sorting room, she breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, here was someone she knew from Amestris who she knew she could get along with.

"Miss Hawkeye!" She called in greeting, coming over to smile up at the older woman. "It's nice to see you! How are you?"

[the-hawks-eye.livejournal.com]

Riza smiled fondly over at Winry, glad that the young woman had come to see her. "I'm doing well enough for someone who has no idea where they are, Miss Rock- oh, it's Mrs. Elric now, isn't it?"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"What are cens, and why should I want them? Are they sexy?" the Hat demanded.

[the-hawks-eye.livejournal.com]

Riza paused and ust stared at the hat for a moment. "...No. They're money."

Hufflepuff!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Hufflepuff!