Application: Russel Tringham - "Fullmetal Alchemist"

[chainedbyred.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite? He snorted derisively. "Cheese? What the heck does that matter? Fine, I'll say cheddar, it stands up to pretty much anything."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Considering I don't actually know any of these people, I'll have to say Carrottop on the sole criteria that that's a really dumb name."

3. What time is it where you are?
He looked around for a clock. "5:30, time for these stupid questions to stop."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"I'm 15, I'm not sexually harassing anyone. What's wrong with you people?" he shook his head dismissively and shrugged.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"A bar... I'd call a bar The Red River. But I don't think I have to explain that to the likes of all of you."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"...Last I checked, guys don't get married. These questions just keep getting dumber." He sighed.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Work, eh? This was something he could really have something to say about. "It's probably because you're really bad at your job. Or your bosses hate you. Or both."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
"Clearly you have no idea who you're talking to if you're asking this question. I'm Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. Youngest State alchemist ever. Isn't that proof enough?"


6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
He thought a moment. "For a bribe, I can offer my services as an alchemist for anyone that needs help. Alchemy is for the people, after all. So don't be shy, go ahead and ask."



I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. -Russel Tringham
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. -Russel Tringham
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. -Russel Tringham
One day, marmalade will rule the world. -Russel Tringham

((Yes, he is passing himself off as Edward for the moment. It wouldn't be Russel if he didn't.))

Comments

[teamseaslug.livejournal.com]

Osaka stares at the application, then back at the boy, then at the application again, then at the boy again. Since she moves slowly, this takes a while.

Finally she speaks up, sounding confused. "But... you're not Ed."

[chainedbyred.livejournal.com]

He could overcome something like this easily. After all, even the people of Xenotime didn't believe him at first. "Sure I am. The newspaper doesn't always make you look like you should."

[teamseaslug.livejournal.com]

She shook her head, still staring at him. "You look sort of like him... but you're not him. He has longer hair and he invited me to his wedding."

[deadlywrenches.livejournal.com]

Winry eyed the applicant suspiciously before smiling at him. "So, you're Edward Elric, hmm?"

[chainedbyred.livejournal.com]

"In the flesh," he spread his arms widely as though presenting himself.

[deadlywrenches.livejournal.com]

Winry's smile widened, and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Really... so you must know who I am, right? Since we grew up together."

[rated-ec10.livejournal.com]

"Alchemy." Preston's face was, as ever, blank. "What is that, exactly?"

[chainedbyred.livejournal.com]

"You don't know?" he smirked arrogantly. "It's the scientific process of altering matter, based on the rule of Equivalent Exchange. Being a State Alchemist puts me among the best in the military."

[rated-ec10.livejournal.com]

"No, I don't," he said, voice holding faint but noticeable interest. "It's not something we have where I come from." If it was anyone else talking, there might have been a comment about how the boy looked too young to be in the military. But since Cleric training started at thirteen, it was hardly out of the ordinary for Preston. "Tell me about it."

[palewhiteand]

"You're Edward Elric?" Ruby couldn't help grinning. "Really, now."

An impostor? This could be amusing. But why was he claiming to be a State Alchemist?

[chainedbyred.livejournal.com]

She was skeptical. Hopefully this wouldn't be as difficult as with that Winry girl. "The one and only. Your eyes are not deceiving you."

[palewhiteand]

"And you're a State Alchemist?" she inquired. "How sad."

[stylish-nebulon.livejournal.com]

Nebulon was extremely confused -- more so than usual, even.

His once and future wife Lt. Archie Kennedy had agreed to move in with him (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1452033.html?thread=73747457#t73747457). Yet his bed in Tootsitramp dorm was as cold as ever. Nebulon had been left all alone with his graffiti murals and his amputee-fetish magazines.

At this time of weakness, along came a young man claiming to be Ed Elric, Nebulon's secret crush. He was blond like Ed, and prissy like Ed. Yet the young man lacked what Nebulon found most compelling about Ed: the automail. The automail just added this certain je ne sais quoi for Nebulon. He'd dreamed, once upon a time (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1422617.html?thread=72348185#t72348185), that he might induce Archie to wrap a limb in aluminum foil as a sort of automail substitute.

Now he was just baffled. He didn't know what to do. Should he make a move? Should he remain faithful to his runaway bride? Was it even worthwhile, when this guy had all his limbs intact?

Working himself into a state of existential crisis, Nebulon warbled (http://www.teenagewildlife.com/Albums/ZS/VG.html) shakily:

"Velvet goldmine, you stroke me like the rain
Snake it, take it, panther princess you must stay
Velvet goldmine, naked on your chain
I'll be your king volcano right for you again and again
My velvet goldmine!"

[chainedbyred.livejournal.com]

Russel could only stare. Stare and try to imagine what unholy union of creatures had produced a chimera like this. It was obnoxious, and really pathetic looking. And it was singing, he found himself praying to a God that he knew didn't exist to make it stop.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" his nose wrinkled.

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

"Tell cheddar to stand up to this."

(http://photobucket.com)

[chainedbyred.livejournal.com]

"Uh... what?" he just stared.

[tomowildcat.livejournal.com]

"You wouldn't go for it at all?" Tomo asks in response to the Gryffindor question, grinning. "Come on! What are ya, a eunuch?"

[chainedbyred.livejournal.com]

"It's two guys." He raised an eyebrow at the girl. She was dressed like the first girl that showed up.

[tomatohacker.livejournal.com]

Ed rushes in, intent on yoinking the Dictaquill, because it'd make a perfect ornament, doncha think?

"Hi, new person!" she yelled as she began chasing it around the room.

((Didn't I see you at another RP?))

[chainedbyred.livejournal.com]

Russel just watched the girl run around. Will the weirdos ever stop?

"Uh... hi," he replied.

((Yeah, omg_as))

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

"I feel it fair to point out that technically, you're supposed to bribe us. So offering to do alchemy for a bribe doesn't really cut it, now does it?"

[chainedbyred.livejournal.com]

"I'm afraid you'll have to clarify exactly why it doesn't."

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

The Hat sounded skeptical. "What can alchemy do for me? I'm already fabulous."

[chainedbyred.livejournal.com]

He raised an eyebrow. A talking hat. "It can do a lot of things. What do you want it to do?"

Gryffindor!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your attitude qualifies you for one house above all!

Your bribe has been pre-emptively accepted, and don't think I'll forget it!

Welcome to Gryffindor!