Application: Ruby, "Fullmetal Alchemist: The Valley of White Petals"

[palewhiteand]

Ruby frowned as she looked over the application she held. Magic school? What in the...

It couldn't hurt to answer the questions. When in Creta, do as the Cretans do, or so the saying went. She sighed and proceeded to answer.


1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"I'm not a big fan of cheese," she replied, "but I do like blue cheeses, mainly because they look funny. Honestly, they all taste the same to me."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Ruby frowned. "Well, considering I don't know who either of them are, you'd have to give me a damn good reason to kill either of them.

"Now, is this a magic school, a culinary school, or an assassin school? What do these questions have to do with anything?"

3. What time is it where you are?

She blinked and considered skipping this question; it seemed useless. "I don't have a watch on me, but it's about one in the afternoon, isn't it? What does it mean 'where I am', anyway?"

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them?

Ruby scratched her head in confusion. "As for how I'd do it, well, if I was returned from the dead I guess I'd be stumbling around trying to eat their brains or something. I don't know who I'd pick, though, 'cause I don't know what this Order of the Phoenix thing is." Under her breath, she muttered, "But unless any of them are Alphonse Elric..."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"It's so dark that any mortals who heard its name would die from utter shock."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Sigh; more namedropping of people she'd never heard of. "How about these Fred and George guys just get married to each other? Then Harry wouldn't have to worry about it. Never studied any mythology, but I'm pretty sure the Tortoise and the Hare backs my point up pretty well." She rolled her eyes.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.

"Because whoever's been assigning it has noticed you haven't been doing it, of course. Don't be so lazy and maybe you'll actually get somewhere. Maybe if you spent more time on your paperwork and less time on stuff like this so-called application..."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Ruby tapped her chin in thought. "Well, I was one of that creep Raygen's security detail back in Wisteria. It took a lot of skill to keep those bandits out of the village." Then she smiled. "Also, I can cook."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

She grinned broadly. "Equivalent exchange, huh? Well, let's see-- I don't have anything physical to offer, but if any of you need a bodyguard, I'd be glad to offer my services." Absently, she flexed one of her arms. "I'm pretty strong, if I do say so myself."



I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ~*Ruby*~
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ~~**Ruby**~~
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ~*~Ruby~*~
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ~*~*~Ruby~*~*~

Comments

[spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com]

"I don't need a bodyguard." He paused again, figuring out where to begin. "The four things you 'push' for - they're the four Houses. One each for the brave, the useful, the ambitious, and the scholars. I'm supposed to vote you into one or else squib you."

[palewhiteand]

"W-well, if there's anything else," she stammered. "I see. What are the point of the Houses? And what do you mean by 'squib'?"

[spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com]

"I don't know. People move between them after, but you need to go into one to start with. Squibbing is... being sent away, or something like. I'm told that if you didn't mean to come here, though, you probably won't be squibbed - at least not by the hat. The hat counts for the most."

[palewhiteand]

"So the main opinion that counts is... the hat," she said. "What hat? Is it actually a hat or is that just its name?"

[spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com]

"An actual hat," he said, and only realized then how ridiculous it might sound. "It speaks." And it had asked him about fuzzy handcuffs.

[palewhiteand]

"It speaks," she repeated. That was only slightly less plausible than the other things she'd encountered since replying to the application.

[spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com]

"It speaks," he repeated back. "Sometimes it takes bribes itself, but not always - all it did for me was ask about a game they have where I come from." And ask whether it involved fuzzy handcuffs.

[palewhiteand]

"That's bizarre. How can a hat take bribes, anyway?"

[spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com]

"I think it puts the smaller things... in itself, or on itself. I haven't yet seen what it does with larger things."

[palewhiteand]

"It must be pretty fancy-looking, then."

[spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com]

He thought back. "I suppose it does."

[palewhiteand]

"So if you're supposed to be voting, what House do you think I belong in?"

[spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com]

Selvetarm considered that in light of his own experience. "I think Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. Would you rather be useful or brave?"

[palewhiteand]

"That's like asking if I'd rather have two hands or two feet. There's no point in being brave if you're useless and there's no point in being useful if you're a coward."

[spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com]

"I'd rather have two hands." He frowned. "What do you think you are more, then? Or," he amended, "if you think you're more ambitious, or clever..."

[palewhiteand]

"Don't we all like to think we're those things?" She hesitated. "But... I suppose I'm more brave than useful." Not long ago, after all, she'd been the one knocked out on the ground as Edward saved the day. Being useful was important to her, but in terms of traits she had, she'd have to rate it second.

Vote: Gryffindor

[spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com]

"Then Gryffindor," he said. "It's my own House." He nodded to her before turning to go.

The hand at his throat was sticky with blood, he noticed, and the tabard was absolutely drenched, but he'd had worse.

Re: Vote: Gryffindor

[palewhiteand]

"That's all, then? Well, it was nice, er, talking with you." She waved a bit hesitantly as he turned.

Re: Vote: Gryffindor

[spiderthatwaits.livejournal.com]

He looked back and briefly raised his own hand in reply before heading out.

In retrospect, he'd wonder if he really should have done that considering it was still bloody, but then that was surely preferable to raising the hand that still had the knife in it.