Owls and Open RP: Nothing says Thanksgiving like Pharmaceutical Fruitcake

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

((Backdated to Thanksgiving Day))


Geoffrey-

Happy Thanksgiving! I know fruitcake’s more Christmas-y, but it’s my friend’s special recipe. Just don’t drink or drive after you’ve eaten it, okay?

-Molly



Nny and Devi,

Hi guys! Happy Thanksgiving. I’m a shitty cook, but I made fruitcake--Nny honey, you might want to avoid this, since it’s got Vicoden and stuff in it, but Devi might enjoy it.

Love,
Molly



Arya,

Happy Thanksgiving! (It’s a fairly major holiday in the part of the world I’m from--basically you get together with your family and eat yourself sick.) Here’s some fruitcake, though don’t eat much at once and really don’t mix it with alcohol. Let me know if you want to get in some sword practice soon.

-Molly



Cyclona-

Hi! I met you at your Sorting, though I don’t know if you remember me. Anyway, happy Thanksgiving--this is some of my friend Mavis’s fruitcake, which is tasty and fun but which you shouldn’t mix with alcohol. Like, ever.

-Molly




Doctor Maturin,

Hi. I never did give you a proper thank-you for the potion you made me, so I made some Thanksgiving fruitcake. It’s my friend’s recipe, and it’s good, but you really want to avoid drinking or operating heavy machinery for four to six hours after eating it.

-Molly



Jaime,

Happy Thanksgiving! I made some fruitcake, but don’t take it eat it with alcohol, and don’t drive or anything for a while.

-Molly



Shaun,

I know you’re not American, but happy Thanksgiving anyway, and have some fruitcake. I’ve sent some to your friend, too, and I’ll tell you what I’ve told her: don’t drink, and definitely don’t drive after you’ve eaten it, okay?

-Molly



Susan,

Your buddy’s not American and you’re not even from Earth, but happy Thanksgiving--all you really need to know about the holiday is that it’s an excuse for people to eat themselves insensible. I made fruitcake, but it’s special fruitcake, so don’t drink, drive, or otherwise do anything requiring any kind of hand-eye coordination for four to six hours.

-Molly



Miss (Mrs.?) Evans,

Hi. I don’t know if you’d remember me or not--you fixed my back up after I went and fell off the roof like a complete dumbass. Anyway, it’s Thanksgiving in America, so I’m giving out fruitcake--this stuff is good, but don’t eat it with alcohol, and definitely don’t drive for a while.

-Molly



Attached to each owl is a paper cup of small, pretty fruitcake cubes done up in waxed paper. They certainly look and smell appetizing, whatever else might be said of them.

It wasn't until the owls had been sent that Molly realized she'd massively overbaked--she had enough left over to send out probably twice the parcels she had.

Damn. Well, it really would be a shame to let it go to waste. People could be weird about eating something left out for common consumption, but maybe if the person who actually made it was there, it would be a little better. Might as well try, at least.

Accordingly, she hauled all her goodies down to the Great Hall, dragooning a small herd of house elves to help her set up a little stall. Some of them got some fruitcake, too, and wound up staggering off and occasionally bouncing into the walls, giggling. Molly smiled--it was always nice to see people properly enjoying the holidays.

Comments

[crossed-my-mind.livejournal.com]

A very, very filthy man wearing psych ward pajamas made his way over to Molly and the fruitcake. He stared at the fruitcake. Then he stared at Molly. Back to staring at the fruitcake, then on to Molly's breasts, just to make everyone feel included.

"Has it come to get them?" he asked Molly's boobs, and pointing to the house elves.

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

...Wow. Wow. It had been a long, looong time since Molly had seen that type of pajama; it was kind of like being mugged in a dark corner of Memory Alley.

"Nah, they just ate some of this," she said, holding up a small cup of fruitcake. The talking-to-her-boobs-thing she could deal with easily; she'd experienced that for most of her adult life. "Ignore them, they're bit players anyway. You want some?"

[crossed-my-mind.livejournal.com]

The boobs certainly were not bit players, but that wasn't what she'd been talking about. He took a piece of fruitcake and sniffed it. "It came for the children first. I suppose if there's no kids, it would have to come for them," he said conversationally. "I don't get this sequel."

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Oooo, now his delusions sounded interesting. Molly was separate enough from her own right now to be able to look at them at least somewhat objectively, and she wondered how they stacked up against this guy's. He was a different kind of crazy.

"What came for the children?" she asked, munching a piece herself. "And believe me, sequels are never as good as the original. Especially when they recycle costuming."

[crazynotstoned.livejournal.com]

Geoffrey didn't think much of the fruitcake, except as a kind of nice gesture from someone who was kind of a friend. It wasn't, you know, a great present, and he didn't celebrate Thanksgiving this month, but still, whatever. Cake. No good reason to pass up cake.

He took a big piece for himself and sat down at his desk, scribbling out his reply as he ate.

Molly,

thanks for the fruitcake, Im sure Ellen & I will get great use out of it. Happy American Thanksgiving! Are you looking forward to the

sorry, i forgot what i was writing about

and i cant f ind another piece of
oh well

this is some fruitcake! made by fruitcakes, for a fruitcake

ha ha

gt

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Molly read the owl and grinned. It was so nice to know your culinary efforts were appreciated.

Geoffrey,

I'm glad you like it. Remember, no alcohol, and you might want to keep some bottled water nearby. Also, there's more where that came from! Sharing is caring, and all that.

(And having fruitcake made BY a fruitcake is what makes it work. It's the magic ingredient--well, that and Xanax.)

-Molly

[crazynotstoned.livejournal.com]

mm

nonono, i rememember what this feels like, beleve me.

did not think Id be feeling it again any time soon.

woooooooooo.

you know some people think this is what being crazy feels like?

gt

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Geoffrey,

Really? What's it feel like? to me it's always kind of like being wrapped up in fluffed-out cotton balls that had been warmed up in the microwave. Or the dryer, with that nice dryer-sheet smell.

some people think being on fruitcake is the same as being A fruitcake? God, wouldn't that be nice.

-Molly

[runaway-stark.livejournal.com]

First, a return owl flew back to Molly:

Molly,

Thank you for the cake. We don't have that holiday in Westeros, but I appreciate it. Thank you for being so understanding.

I'm still practicing every day so you can join me whenever you feel like it.

Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.

-Arya

About ten minutes later, Arya poked her head into the Great Hall. The rest of her followed, though not exceptionally quickly. She felt like she was dragging herself through water, and she had to keep reminding herself that she was on her way to the Hospital Wing. She saw Molly and made her way over (every move looking like she was taking twice as much concentration as usual to make it look right, thus making her look decidedly weird.)

Once she was close enough that she wouldn't have to yell and make a scene, she made sure she was standing firmly on the ground and glared up at Molly, trying to hide her panic. "I think it was poisoned."

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

...oh hell. It wasn't supposed to cause that kind of reaction--it was supposed to be good fruitcake.

"What's going on?" she asked, hoping to God she hadn't just given the poor kid one more thing to be traumatized about. "What do you feel like?" She debated pointing out that no poison could be fatal here, and kept quiet--at the moment, that wasn't the issue.

[runaway-stark.livejournal.com]

"I ate about half of what you sent me, and then I started to feel... sleepy and dizzy and sort of calm." She paused, trying to remember what was so bad about that, and then added, "I don't usually feel like that. And now I can't really move." She started to panic again. "I think I need to go to the Hospital Wing."

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Oh. Oh. Well, there was probably a way out of this that didn't involve lying.

"It's okay, honey," Molly said. "It's the fruitcake--it's supposed to do that. I should have warned you better; it's not like you'd've ever had fruitcake before." Nevermind that one technically had nothing to do with the other. "It's not poison, but if you want to go to the hospital wing, we can." Though, if her presents had found their way around it, the hospital wing might not be the most reassuring place in the world.

Return owl, warded somehow (although the sender isn't sure how he managed that one)

[bantersucks.livejournal.com]

(Jaime was mildly distracted when he got the owl, and thus the important part of the message didn't register until after he'd had a bite - which was when the scarab bothered to give him a chemical breakdown. After a lot of facepalming and stumbling, he somehow managed to compose the following response:)

Molly -

Might wanna add drive or walk to stuff I'm not gonna do. for a while.

oooookay. it just hit.

remember when i didn't think you could medicate a headvoice? think i mighta been wrong



oh god. um please ignore that?

jaime

Re: Return owl, warded somehow (although the sender isn't sure how he managed that one)

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Jaime,

Yeah, definitely no driving. You might want to make sure you drink some water, too--it can really dry your mouth out. Is it really working on your voice? Heeee! It always messed the Narrator up pretty good, too.

Um...okay, I'll ignore it. No I won't. What the hell IS that?

-Molly

Re: Return owl, warded somehow (although the sender isn't sure how he managed that one)

[bantersucks.livejournal.com]

(There are more than a few ink stains on this note. And a water stain in the corner.)

molly -

water sounds good

kinda. it's got no idea whats going on though so its really confused. id have troubel explaining that sober so dont ask please.



I AM NOT TRANSLATING THAT

(There is a scratched out and heavily blotted line)

did yours make even less sense or am i just lucky?

jaime

Return owl from Nny

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

Molly,

Er, thanks? I'll let Devi decide if she wants to eat it of not.

-Nny

Re: Return owl from Nny

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Nny (and Devi),

You're welcome! I don't know if either if you would really like it, but it's traditional where I come from. This is the lite version, too; at least it won't put anyone into detox.

-Molly

Re: Return owl from Nny

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

Vaguely worried, Nny took both notes and the fruitcake and went in search of Devi. It was, of course, up to her if she ate it or not, but he hoped she wouldn't.

[wings-and-claws.livejournal.com]

Molly,

I'd better thank you first, then. Kickass!

Cyclona


Being Cyclona, there was only one thing she could do... gobble down the fruitcake and wash it down with an ice-cold beer.

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Cyclona,

You're welcome! I make it at Christmas, too--it's traditional, and a lot more fun than pecan pie.

-Molly

[wings-and-claws.livejournal.com]

Of course, by the time that owl arrived, Cyclona was past replying; by then, she was staggering along the corridors, bumping into walls, a giddy smile on her face and a trickle of drool coming from the corner of her mouth.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Miss Michon:

My most heartfelt thanks for this wondrous confection. It is as though an apothecary went sleepwalking in a bakery.

- S. Maturin.

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

What was this, then?

She remembered Molly, of course, and she vaguely recalled knowing that the American holiday was about this time of year. But fruitcake that meant you couldn't drive afterward? Must be a hell of a lot of rum.

Considering it a moment, she decided to do the tried and true test of whether something was going to kill her or not.

"Ginger!" she hollered to the back of the Wing, swinging herself up to sit on the counter, legs kicking lightly against the cupboards below. "We've gotten a present!"

[coxinsox.livejournal.com]

There was really nothing about Christmas that Cox did not absolutely hate and, yes, that was up to and including the presents. Now that Thanksgiving was mercilessly upon them, that meant Christmas season had oh-fficially begun, and that meant even a threat of something holly or jolly was going to be enough to make him break out in hives.

As such, he was not exactly thrilled to hear about whatever special delivery Lily was attempting to foist upon him like so much unwanted fruitcake (and oh, was he in for a surprise). He would have just ignored her, but the problem was, he was also a curious bastard.

He came out from the back, holding a bottle of pills in one hand and a potion in the other. "Red, i~f this is something else you found in one of those creepy-ass magazines, I swear to you I will..." He trailed off, staring, then groaned and closed his eyes. "Oh, come on."

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

"Oh, hush," Lily said, busily studying the fruitcake. "Those magazines are not creepy." Picking up the note, she read it again, saying, "A former patient sent us this, with instructions not to eat it with alcohol and not to drive afterward."

Hefting up the cake she gave Cox a wicked smirk, raising an eyebrow in challenge. "What do you say, Ginger? Want to test it out so I know if it's safe to eat?"

She had no idea what mystery ingredient could be inside (here is where her lack of practical experience with Muggle pharmaceuticals was going to bite her in the ass), but if Perry turned into a gigantic ostrich or started talking only in song titles, she'd know it was bad. Seemed a good enough plan to her!