http://wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] hh_mirror2007-10-06 10:51 pm

House Call (and Maturin Call. And Zoidberg Call. Etc.)



Doctors of Hogwarts,

A prominent Hufflepuff is suffering!

Mere hours ago, one prominent Hufflepuff, called for the sake of his privacy His Majesty X Iruuy Ayubihs Smith John the King, began experiencing symptoms of what could be imminent blindness, cancer of the eye, pupil shingles, or something similarly terrible of that nature. Tragedy must be avoided, courageous actions must be committed, His Majesty the King must be saved!

A cause for His Majesty's tragic happenstance may already have been discovered. For the sake of His Majesty's privacy I cannot give you a direct image, but the muscles surrounding his eyes undergo regular transformations, from his natural state, which is similar to this, to a temporary one which physically resembles this.

Notice the stress this creates for the brow muscles! The danger is exacerbated by the fact that blindness may be a hereditary condition for the King. Furthermore, his brother and friend wear glasses. Coincidence!?

Aid! Conquer! Redress!

While awaiting your reply, I will do my part by yelling at His Majesty's disappointingly weak eyeballs.

Sincerely,

Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff

Return owl

[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com 2007-10-07 03:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Who the hell are you?!
How did you get
This isn't even

Whoever the hell you are,

I don't know who gave you my name but they're mistaken. I'm a doctor in the sense of the word that means I went to school for a very long time and they rewarded my intelligence with a few Doctorate degrees. I am not the kind who makes house calls and bothers with people. My advice? Take your friend to the Hospital Wing. It exists for a reason. And judging from those pictures, you might want to call an exorcist for good measure.

Annoyedly yours,

Dr. Jack Hodgins.

Return owl, charmed to turn into ten large and ugly but harmless garden spiders once it is read

[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com 2007-10-08 01:35 am (UTC)(link)
Dear Wolfie,

...are you high? No, seriously. Are you?

I don't know what backwater kingdom spat you out, but here in the real world, there are many kinds of doctors. Some are the kinds that cater to the whining, puking masses and the rest of us are incredibly intelligent people who make society a better place in various ways. You might want to clarify your magical Google search next time by specifying "Medical doctor."

I wish you luck in finding THE ANTIDOTE.

Respectfully yours,

Dr. Jack Hodgins
Entomologist and particulate expert, Rhodes scholar, and all-around genius extrodinairre.

Return owl

[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com 2007-10-08 02:16 am (UTC)(link)
Bitch, you did NOT just call me short.

Wolfie-baby,

Blah blah blah blah blah. You still don't seem to know the difference between medical doctors and the scholarly type.

Dr. Jack Hodgins

PS- Yes. Yes they could be.

Re: Return owl

[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com 2007-10-08 02:26 am (UTC)(link)
Wooly Bully,

Yeah, we'll see how indispensable I am when you need to identify what's laid its eggs in your buddy's eye.

Dr. Jack Hodgins

Re: Return owl

[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com 2007-10-08 02:45 am (UTC)(link)
Fartypants McDouchebag

Wolly Polly Fish Head,

Whatever lets you sleep at night.

Dr. Jack Hodgins

Re: Return owl

[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com 2007-10-08 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
Warty Butt von Hemorrhoid,

I'm sorry, you must have mistaken my sleeping habits for your own.

Dr. Jack Hodgins

Re: Return owl

[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com 2007-10-08 03:10 am (UTC)(link)
...what the hell?

No, seriously, what the hell?

Re: Return owl

[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com 2007-10-08 03:24 am (UTC)(link)
Whack job,

I'm pretty sure I'm not sleeping with your betrothed. Even if I was inexplicably attracted to whoever this person is, I still wouldn't touch them for fear of having you somehow rub off on me.

I was implying that your mattress is filled with horrible creepy-crawlies that will wait until you least expect it and lay their eggs under your skin. You'll come crying to me to find out what horrible plague has befallen you, and I'll point and laugh.

Dr. Jack Hodgins

Re: Return owl

[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com 2007-10-08 03:37 am (UTC)(link)
Jerkface,

...dude, you're sleeping with your king? Upward mobility at its finest. Good job, man.

Here's a joke. Your FACE.

Dr. Jack Hodgins

Re: Return owl

[identity profile] buggy-genius.livejournal.com 2007-10-08 08:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Jerkoff,

Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

Do you even have any idea what that means, or are you just repeating things I say in what you assume to be a creative manner?

Dr. Jack Hodgins