[identity profile] racheltherunner.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] hh_mirror


It had been a bad week. That was a pretty good way to put it. What made it all ten times worse, though, was that I'd been denied my usual ways of coping. I couldn't leave, couldn't ignore everyone and bang around in my kitchen, I couldn't even go on runs for fear of leaving the camp and the demon coming after Peter while I was gone. I was frustrated - by way more than just the demon - and I had energy to burn like you would not believe.

Oh, yeah. And I was pissed. But even I wasn't stupid enough to try to take down a demon. Which left me with way too much aggression and nowhere to put it. Peter needed me, so I shoved everything I was feeling deep down until, eventually, it had to explode. Peter had gone out earlier that day, Claude trailing (invisibly and unknown to Peter) behind him. Excellent.

I left a note saying I'd gone for a walk. Then, grabbing my splat gun and a bag containing several amulets and the machete I'd gotten from Dean, I headed out the door. What? It was a run. Recovering stolen merchandise. I'd even planned for it. Had steps and everything.

Arriving at my destination, I kicked open the door, my eyes scanning the room. Step one - check.

Sylar was sitting in a chair, headphones in, unaware. Two steps from the door, my fist connected with his jaw. Step two - check.

See? Going great.

Grinning ferociously, I aimed my splat gun at his head. "Hey, fuckface. You have something I need back."

Oh, this was going to work out swell.

Date: 2007-08-31 12:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likeabadpenny.livejournal.com
Hand still clutching the doorknob, back turned to Rachel, Peter closed his eyes and sighed quietly. It made sense what Rachel said, and it hurt to hear it. But he wasn't finished being frustrated.

"Yeah? You wanna know what my father said to me around the times he was trying to kill himself? Absolutely nothing. He holed himself up in his office and didn't make the effort to get out and get close to anyone," Peter scowled, turning his head slightly so that he could look at Rachel. Guilt immediately set in about what he was doing, about the state he'd be leaving her in. No matter what she said or denied, Peter believed she'd gone to Sylar on a suicide mission because of him.

His grip tightened around the doorknob, wanting to turn it and just get out of here. "I cut myself out of the family just because I never listened to my father, because he tried to show me that I loved people too much. You can't let what your father told you rule your life, Rachel. You have to be stronger than that, and you have to realize that what he told you was a pile of shit." That was a bit harsher than intended, but Peter couldn't hold back on his words, not right now.

Date: 2007-08-31 12:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likeabadpenny.livejournal.com
Damn it. Peter had been so sure that leaving was the right thing to do, too.

Guilt, protecting Rachel; those played a part in what Peter was trying to do. But they weren't the main focus right now.

"Rachel, I'm an empath. You know what that means. I thrive off human connection," Peter forced the words out, turning to face Rachel and lean against the door. If he was going to say this and be honest, he wasn't going to hide and not look at her while doing it. "You say that I give you what you need, that I make you... you. And that's good, it really is. I'm glad I can do that for you, because it makes both of us happy." He hesitated slightly. "But I don't know if you can give me what I need. I need connection, Rachel. I need love that doesn't show itself by running off in suicide missions. I need access to emotions and a willingness to give back."

It was harsh, but it was the truth. "I think the world of you, I really do. But I don't know if I can stay sane around someone that is afraid of one thing I need," he finished, voice hollow. This would be so much easier if Rachel would get angry and kick him out.

Date: 2007-08-31 01:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] likeabadpenny.livejournal.com
Stifling the urge to kick something in frustration, Peter finally let go of the door. He couldn't leave it at that.

Slowly making his way over to the bed, Peter sat on the edge of it. This was really stupid. Rachel was in bad shape - she'd heal, though, no doubt about that. But he just couldn't stay here right now. Maybe he'd come back in a few days, a week, he didn't know. But he just needed some time off.

"I know you're thinking that who you are isn't enough," he commented quietly - not using telepathy, just knowledge of Rachel. "You're wrong, though. I wish I was enough for you. I wish I could help you learn to embrace emotions and loving people." But he didn't know if she even wanted to do that. Or, if she did, if she'd succeed. "I wish I hadn't taken the easy way out and done that deal. I wish I was as strong as you, to bear the weight of that. ...There's a lot of things I wish," he shrugged, feeling useless. Peter brushed the tears from Rachel's face with his thumb, leaning down to press a light kiss on her forehead. "I'll come back, don't doubt that. I think I just need to learn to be as strong as you, first."

Without giving it a second thought, Peter was off the bed and out the door, closing it quietly behind him.

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