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Exhaling a short laugh, Carla's eyebrows shot up. "Is he for real?" she asked Wilson. There was a warning in her tone that implied that House better not be. Carla was one formidable woman when she wanted to be - hell, even Cox was wary of her on her bad days. And this jackass had just interrupted her alone time.

...Hey, wait. She knew this jackass. "You're the idiot with the camera." Oh, this was rich. Reaching out, she jerked away the binoculars. "Jimmy, are you aware that your friend here is a peeping tom? He likes to lurk around the hospital wing and film patients, get in the way of doctors, generally be a pain in my ass."

She grinned. It was not a nice smile. "You have about ten seconds, dickless wonder, to tell me why I shouldn't use these," she gestured at him with the binoculars, "to give you an impromptu colonoscopy."

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Wilson only raised his eyebrows to Carla, a wry, extremely grim smile tugging up his mouth into a flat line. "Oh, yeah. Very real." With the kind of tone that griped a bit about just how real House could get, at most times.

She hadn't just called him Jimmy, right? Please say she didn't call him Jimmy. Wilson couldn't help the slight wince as he let his hand fall from his face, resisting the urge to frown at the Latina woman - she didn't know what she was doing, God, even House didn't know the weight of that nickname - but... stopped himself. "It... Wilson. Only he gets to call me Jimmy," he replied shortly, and scratched at his head. "That's the general consensus, yes, I was well aware, though."

And, oh dear, those weren't going to be very happy going up that orifice. Wilson's eyes widened considerably at the binoculars in Carla's hand.

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House was only half-listening to Wilson and Carla, even though he scowled heavily when his binoculars were snatched away. The threat of the impromptu colonoscopy did make him snicker, even though he just continued looking at the lake and trying to ignore them.

Wilson's protest at the name 'Jimmy', though, finally made him turn his head and look like he was paying attention. "He is so possessive," he complained mockingly to Carla, hushing his voice as if it were a secret and she was his conspirator.

Still, he should probably do something about that whole colonoscopy threat. House didn't really want some woman trying to shove things inside him. So he blew out a sigh, and pushed himself up until he was sitting on the table. He then gestured at his cane, lying on the grass, and looked expectantly at Carla. "Hey, get me my cane, will you? I'm trying to walk away from this mind-numbing conversation, but I won't get very far without it."

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Okay, her lips definitely twitched at that. It was hard to stay mad when this guy was so...something. "You should work on that, Jimmy," she informed Wilson, one eyebrow tipped upwards. Yeah, right. Like she was going to stop calling him that.

Turning back to House, she sighed and then said, "I'm Carla. Carla Espinosa. I lurk around hospitals because I'm a nurse and that's my job." She paused expectantly. "And you are...? Someone who gets turned on by bedpans?"

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And she just... Oh, God, really trying to stop himself from quite literally facepalming.

Resisting the urge to correct her again - James? Wilson. Anything - Wilson just rubbed at the back of his head. "Decade or so in the making and... no progress," he commented lightly, and glanced back to House and, no, he was not possessive, House, shut up, Wilson was so going to ~~smack a bitch~~kill him.

This was just... so amusing. Snarkfest of 2007? Wilson let his eyes jump easily from Carla to House and back, eyebrows lifted like he was trying to plot out House's next move. ...Scratch that, a million years of friendship and he still couldn't figure out what the hell House was going to do next. It was like trying to pinpoint what next caper Courtney Love was going to get up to.

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He was still trying to ignore the conversation, but House had to admit that Carla calling Wilson 'Jimmy' was hilarious. And Wilson's reaction equally so. Later, he'd have to find out exactly why Wilson was getting so strange about being called Jimmy by anybody else.

Simply arching an eyebrow at Carla's introduction, House put on a bored expression and looked over to where Carla had previously been. He couldn't be bothered with useless introductions - besides, if she knew his name and that he was a doctor, she might try and make him do work.

"If you're not going to get me my cane, can you at least bring me that magazine?" House asked, not trying to be obnoxious but sounding it anyway. "I'll leave you two to get all Chatty Kathy, gossip about the hot nurses."

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Ah. A knowing smile crossed Carla's lips. Budging House over with her hip, she took a seat, grabbing the bag of Doritos and popping one into her mouth. "So," she said with a smirk. "What kind of doctors are you?"

Work long enough in a hospital, and you can smell them from a mile away.

"Oh, and 'Chatty Kathy'?" She gave House a disappointed look, shaking her head. "My grandmother called - she'd like her slang back." Ha! Damn it, she was funny!

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Maybe it was that same sort of knowing, from years of working in hospitals, especially in Princeton-Plainsboro. Or... maybe it was the fact that he had... admittedly, flirted with half of the ones at said hospitals. But the ease that Carla automatically switched into knowing they were doctors... Oh, she had to be a nurse.

"Oncologist," he offered back helpfully, eying the Doritos bag with a big of a vengeance. Those were his Doritos, dammit, how dare she steal them, oh his freaking word.

Anyway.

He smirked a bit at her return comment, cheesy as it might have been, quirking a bit of a knowing eyebrow to House and leaning forward onto his knees. "Yeah, Chatty Kathy, it's a bit... turn of the century for you - you're slipping."

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Grunting in displeasure as Carla shoved him over to make room, House pursed his lips in annoyance. He was pretending to ignore her, and she was still here and asking questions? Maybe he just had to try harder, clearly his 'I'm a bastard, go away' wasn't working well enough.

And now they were complaining about his lingo? Idiots. They knew nothing about fine-tuned insults that had lasted decades.

Glaring at Wilson for daring to be so helpful and actually answering Carla's question, House frowned and grabbed a handful of Doritos. Instead of eating them, he simply ground them up and casually dropped the dust into Wilson's hair. "Told you before, I'm not a doctor, I'm a janitor," he smirked. "Do you never listen to things other people say? And you," he rounded on Wilson, "Stop being you and attracting people. I don't want hordes of woman screaming for your not-so-manly charms."

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Yeah. Right. She worked with ~~and kind of had a thing for~~ Perry Cox. Bastard of the year. House was a cuddly kitten next to that. Laughing as Wilson teased House, Carla rolled her eyes at the mess House made. Instinctively helping Wilson brush out the crumbs - honestly, it was like being with JD and Turk all over again - she offered him the bag of chips. "Nice to meet you, Jimmy the Oncologist. Haven't seen you in the Ward, though. You guys have your own Hospital, or are you just enjoying the vacation?"

Then she turned to House, lips quirking up in a sultry smile. "Oh, come on big boy, let's not play. You know why I came over here. I'm attracted to you, you big stud." She ran one finger playfully up House's arm. "The combination of jackass and arrogance is like an aphrodisiac."

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...Oh, no he din't.

The second the Doritos hit his head, Wilson was automatically waving his hands around at his hair, trying to get the cheese remnants off. Oh, God, he had a weird sort of obsession with his hair, and keeping it... straightened? He didn't even know. He just wanted the Dorito dust out of his hair, dammit. And Carla was not helping, freaking God, but he didn't say anything about it.

Except for the Jimmy the Oncologist thing. Because it sounded like something House would definitely say. Or... At any rate, Wilson's eye twitched briefly, and he threw a gummi bear at House, slightly grumpily, and yet with a slight feeling of satisfaction when it bounced off his nose. Only one, though, because, hey, gummi bears, man.

He opened his mouth to answer Carla's question, dirty glare shot in House's direction, still, over the Doritos, when House, of course, spoke again and oh, freaking Christ. As if Wilson couldn't help himself, and he was going to jump Carla and do her, right there on the lawn of Hogwarts. He threw House another Look, rolling his eyes back to his gummi bears.

Except. Bwah? Was she... Wilson opened his mouth again, and promptly shut it, eyes riveting to Carla's finger running up House's arm. Um. His. Lady, back off. ...What? Shut up, Wilson. He just crammed a good amount of gummi-ness into his mouth, to keep from talking.

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Good lord, why did people constantly feel the need to throw things at him? Did he wear a sign that said 'Brighten my day, hit me with junk food!'? Rubbing at his nose, House frowned at Wilson, contemplating squishing a gummi bear into his hair.

Until Carla started mock flirting with him; House smirked slightly. It was rather entertaining that Wilson seemed to be getting jealous. Come on, she wasn't even being serious about that. How did Wilson ever get anything done in relationships if he couldn't tell the difference? At least Carla was shaping up to be fairly interesting - anybody that could deal with him and not get offended was worth studying.

"I knew it," House sighed, martyr-like, looking up at the sky. "I knew, some day, the ratio of my hatred for human kind and my jackass-ery would become uneven and attract strange nurses into my company."

Amused, he smirked at Wilson. "Down, boy," he admonished. "Stop getting jealous. Just because my cane brings all the ladies to the yard, doesn't mean I'll take off with any of them. Paranoid, much?"

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House was being vaguely amusing, which made him all right in Carla's book. Stealing a gummi bear and chewing on it gleefully, Carla repeated, "Yeah, Jimmy. Don't worry. I'm very open minded. Threesomes are a healthy part of a loving relationship!"

Another gummi bear was sacrificed to the alter of Carla's sugar fix. "You know," she told House, musing, "you remind me of Dr. Cox. And, despite what his ego - whom we affectionately call 'Steve' and are thinking about getting his own room, it's so big - may think, that's not really a compliment." She tossed a Dorito into the lake; a huge tentacle reached up to delicately grab it. "So, you're definitely not an oncologist. And, though you're cocky as hell, I'm not getting that surgeon-vibe off of you. So I'm going to go with...diagnostician?" She grinned. "Come on? How good am I?"

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Carla spoke and Wilson only buried his face in his hands, mildly horrified with the situation. "Dear... God, there's two of you," he mumbled vaguely, in a voice that was broaching onto hysteria. He just... really could not have two people doing this to him right now. And if Carla called him Jimmy one more time, he was not going to be able to be held responsible for his actions anymore.

There was a moment, even, where he peeked through his fingers and... Dear God, there actually was a squid in the lake.

Wait. Beat.

"Dr. Cox?" Wilson repeated a bit stupidly, and picked up his head, hands gone from his face. Horror forgotten. "Cox. You mean... House's ex-husband Cox, right?" He glanced to House, bit of a smirk rigging up the corner of his mouth. "Because... Actually, there's a very interesting story there." And House should tell it because Wilson wouldn't be able to without dying of laughter.

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House looked like he wanted to vomit as soon as Cox was brought into the conversation. He grimaced heavily - of course being likened to that asshole wouldn't be a compliment - and simply smirked at Carla's guess. "The vowels are going to cost you the willful surrender of my bag of Doritos."

He glanced over at Wilson, who seemed to be having some severe facial twitching at the mention of the Cox. Oh, Wilson would know. He'd been the one that House had actually told. Good lord, he hoped Wilson and Cox were never in the same room.

"Ex-wife, as I like to think," House reminded Wilson, not embarrassed about the whole topic in the slightest. Some things were just easy to get over, and now it was just a constant source of amusement. As was the none-too-subtle flirting between Cox and Carla that House had picked up on through various mediums. "And I'll thank you not to remind me of that dark spot in my life. Even Cindy the hooker kissed better than that ranting, rubber-faced, gay-haired, angry ass. And she refused to kiss me."

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