Owl to Michael Scott
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:01 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
charlesofdensen.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
hh_mirrorMr. Scott,
It has come to my attention that you are the head of the Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmede branch. I represent the band Dethklok, and I would like to talk to you about a potential business deal.
Charles Ofdensen
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Return owl
Date: 2007-07-22 09:53 pm (UTC)Dear Charlie BrownDear Charles Off-dem-menDear Charles OndensenGreetings!
Sounds like a plan, Stan! I'd suggest meeting at Chili's, which is the best place for business deals, but I don't think there's one here. Know of anywhere we can get a decent Awesome Blossom? They are truly awesome, you know.
Michael Scott
Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmeade
Prefect, Slytherin House
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-07-22 10:26 pm (UTC)You are a very strange manWhile I don't know where to get an Awesome Blossom, The Three Broomsticks should serve as a good place to have lunch and a business meeting.
Charles Ofdensen
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-07-22 11:41 pm (UTC)Dear Charlie Charlie Bo BarleyDear Charlie ChaplinDear Charlie ChoochooDinkin flicka!
Yeah, and the waitresses there are pretty hot. And that statement is not at all sexually harassing, because it is true, and the truth is not harassment.
When is a good time for you?
Michael Scott
Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmeade
Prefect, Slytherin House
Re: Return owl
Date: 2007-07-23 12:12 am (UTC)...........2:30 today fine?
Charles Ofdensen
no subject
Date: 2007-07-23 12:28 am (UTC)Dear Charlie and the ChocDear Charlie ChickenDear CharlesmagneWorks for me!
Michael Scott
Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmeade
Prefect, Slytherin House
-------
And at 2:15, Michael found a table at The Three Broomsticks and waited for Ofdensen, who, if he was listening as he approached, would find Michael attempting to explain to the member of the waitstaff that it really shouldn't be that difficult to cut an onion so that all of its little parts stuck out - he inserted a healthy "That's what SHE said" right after that, of course - and then deep fry it and serve it with a sauce that imbued it with just the right amount of awesomeness.
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Date: 2007-07-23 12:53 am (UTC)Point completely taken when he found Mr. Scott trying to explain a Blooming Onion to the wait staff. Ofdensen sat down across from him, waiting for him to finish before introducing himself.
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Date: 2007-07-23 01:31 am (UTC)After a second, though, he recovered. Tinky Winky was back now and life was good. Aside from the onion angst, he was too happy to get too upset right now. "All RIGHT!" he exclaimed loudly. "Do you want your babybackbabybackbabybackbabyback...?" That part, of course, was once again in song.
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Date: 2007-07-23 01:48 am (UTC)"Very well. Mr. Scott, I trust you are doing well today? I've come here with an exclusive proposition for Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmeade that may interest you."
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Date: 2007-07-23 02:12 am (UTC)The word "exclusive" definitely caught his attention, but there was something even more pressing than exclusive propositions. "D'you wanna hear a joke?" Comedy. It was how these things had to open. It didn't matter whether they were going well from the get-go. There had to be comedy.
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Date: 2007-07-23 02:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-23 02:35 am (UTC)"Okay, so there are these three guys," he started with a huge grin, traces of laughter already creeping into his voice. "And they start comparing their cars. And the first guy says, 'Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn.' And the second guy says, "Well, I'm a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort.'" He paused, grinning hugely now. Ah, the punchline! "And then the third guy says, 'I got you both beat, I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe.'"
And with that, Michael burst into loud laughter.
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Date: 2007-07-23 02:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-23 03:14 am (UTC)"All RIGHT, death parchment!" Michael exclaimed. Yeah, he had no idea what that was, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that the client had fun!
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Date: 2007-07-23 03:20 am (UTC)Note to self, talk to William about that if he gets here.
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Date: 2007-07-28 04:49 pm (UTC)"Well, tha~aaaat sounds like a win-win situation to me!" The piss thing was...bizarre, but, well, you never knew when you needed an extra bottle of piss. Dwight's had certainly come in handy at one time. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drug_Testing_%28The_Office_episode%29) "So...what sort of music does Dethklok play? Is it like Alicia Keys?" Michael had no idea, and it was always good to know who one's customers were.
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Date: 2007-07-28 07:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-29 03:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-30 02:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-31 03:08 am (UTC)A sudden realization hit Michael, and he paused for a moment, his eyebrows raised and his eyes wide. "No, that's not what they'd say, because they wouldn't even talk to you if you're Mexican, because they disCRIMinate and probably hate ALL Mexicans. Which I do not, because Oscar works for me, and he is Mexican. AND gay." Michael's crown jewel!
"Yyyyyyyaaaaaaanyway, so the point is that Staples would send you packing, whereas Dunder-Mifflin is GLAD to take your business no matter WHAT you want to sell!" And there was the smarmy grin again.
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Date: 2007-07-31 03:55 am (UTC)"Staples actually did approach us for exclusive stationary. I didn't see the deal feasible at the time. Also, I appreciate you being equal opportunity, but there is a time and place for such things."
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Date: 2007-08-01 03:15 am (UTC)He paused. "And comedy!" Which was the most important part, of course!
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Date: 2007-08-01 03:44 am (UTC)"I see." He ate another chip. "So we have a deal?" he asked, holding out a hand. But he swears to freaking God, if he's got a buzzer in his hand, he'll hex him to kingdom come.
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Date: 2007-08-01 04:14 am (UTC)"I~~~ am ON it!" A brief pause, and then, "That's what SHE said! BA HA HA HA!"
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Date: 2007-08-02 03:16 am (UTC)"Very well, I just need you and your employees to sign this confidentiality form, saying no one will go to the press about this or any other Dethklok secrets on pain of death."
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Date: 2007-08-04 09:20 pm (UTC)Waving a hand dismissively, he said, "Noooooooooo form necessary, because I~~~ am GREAT at keeping secrets. ZZZZZZZIP!" He pulled two fingers across his mouth and then mimed throwing away a key. "My lips are sealed and I will say NOthing about this to ANYone. Not a THING! Lips...ARE SEALED! SEALED!"
And then came the song. "Can you hear iiiii~iiiiit? They're talkin' bout us, saying things that...something bah bus. Na na na na our lips are sealed!" Followed by an expectant smile, because as far as Michael was concerned, he was totally king of entertainment and comedy right at that point.
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Date: 2007-08-04 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-05 03:14 am (UTC)As he crossed the double-t, he said, "Iiiiiiiiiif there's to be pain of death, make sure that it goes to Toby Flenderson. Because heeeee~eeeee is our human resources representative - even though he's barely human - and he is from Corporate, and therefore he handles all pains of death."
Hmm, actually, maybe it would be a good thing to spill some secrets if it meant pain and/or death for Toby. Michael would have to remember that.
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Date: 2007-08-05 05:08 am (UTC)He signed the contract himself, put it in his briefcase, and ordered some gingerbread.
"Now that business has been taken care of, I trust you've been recovering from your...ah...fiancé popcorning?"
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Date: 2007-08-09 03:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-09 03:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-09 03:27 am (UTC)