Open RP in the Hospital Wing: Why you shouldn't play with sharp objects.

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

Toki peers out of the Hufflepuff doorway and takes a cautious look around. No lobsters. Good. He's been virtually locked in his room for a while, absolutely terrified that the horrible, horrible crustaceans were going to attack him at any moment. But he's run out of booze, and that has to be fixed. He skitters down the hallway, keeping a wary eye out, and in a stroke of luck finds the Little Green Apple open.

Chiana is leaning back in her chair, pleasantly buzzed on a combination of margaritas and something or other in the hookah, she didn't catch the name. But hey, as long as it works, the name isn't important. She's busy using a hatchet that she had snurched from outside to carve a vaguely obscene drawing in the table.

Toki grabs a beer, chugs it, grabs another, chugs that one, and starts trying to stuff them down his shirt. No way he's letting anyone take it from him between here and his room. But his attention wanders over to the sound of the carving, and then he notices that the girl doing the carving is gray. Not pale, gray. With... really weird eyes. "Is you some kinds of cat lady?"

Chiana jerks from her carving and attempts to hide the hatchet. "Nah, I'm a Nebari. Chiana. All that beer for you?"

"Neeebree." Toki sounds out the unfamiliar word, mangling it as usual. "Yeah, I runs out. I'm Toki. Hufflepuff perfect." He points at the hatchet as best as he can with the armfuls of beer bottles. "Where you gets that?"

"What, this? Outside." She grins. "Pretty drad, huh?"

"Hatchets is metal," Toki agrees.

"Hey, wanna see something cool? Bet I can knock one of those bottles off your head with it."

Toki is not blessed with an overabundance of wisdom, nor is he completely sober at the moment. "I bets you a hundred dollars you can't!" And he sets an empty bottle on his head. Miraculously, it stays.

"You're on, 'stache boy. Watch." Chiana aims carefully, throws, and the result is about what you'd expect when drunks play with weapons.

And so it is that Chiana, dragging a squalling, panicking Toki with a hatchet in his forehead, blood pouring down his face, and beer soaking his clothes, arrive in the Hospital Wing.

Comments

[coxinsox.livejournal.com]

Cox was not pleased with anything that is going on here. Not one bit. He scowled and tightened his arms, rolling his head on his neck to try and relieve some of the tension that was building there. "I'm pretty sure I told all of you to shut the hell up," he snarled. "When people don't do what I want them to, bad things happen." He stalked over to Toki. "Like hatchets, for example."

Carla's question was a pretty good one, though. He wasn't actually sure what he wanted to do about this. Yanking it out would mean a ton of blood and possibly exposed grey matter... but what was the alternative?

[carlaespinosa.livejournal.com]

Well, House was her new favorite person. Glaring at Ofdensen, Carla snapped, "Are you offering my patient alcohol? Do not offer my patient alcohol. We're pulling a hatchet out of his head. He'll be lucky there isn't brain damage. Now stop trying to treat my patient before you suddenly have reason to be flat on your back as well." Cursing under her breath in a long, fast stream of Spanish, she pointed at House. "Who the hell are you?"

Then, turning to Cox, she huffed out a breath and folded her arms. "Any day now, doctor. Unless you think the hatchet brings out his eyes?"

[canes-can-kill.livejournal.com]

Apparently, the depths of Cox's nostril had become far more interesting to House than Hatchet Head. The latter would have been more interesting if there'd been something more to this case, say, something other than a moron who'd got something sharp shoved into his brain. That was just boring.

At Carla's question, House glanced up from his video camera, and pulled a mockingly innocent expression. "I'm just a janitor, miss! Hurr. Though you should probably get an x-ray to check that he hasn't damaged his corpus callosum. I hear that's an important bit of the brain," he said, obviously extremely bored with the patient. "Or just make him play some music; if he can't, congratulations! He's got brain damage!"

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

Youphreism? Well, that doesn't make a goddamn bit of sense. But it gets him to shut up about booze, because now he's trying to figure out what the hell a youphreism is. He thinks maybe he once saw something on TV about a weird little animal named Youphreism. Except why would they be talking about weird little animals in the hospital?

He whines a little, like a scared animal, as he comes to the conclusion that the hatchet has scrambled his brains. Though he's not too scared to look curiously at the new doctor, "Cox" (mentally, he snickers at that) and say "But I gots this in my head before you's here."

House manages to put him back in scared-mode. Oh hell, what if he can't play anymore? What if his brain is so scrambled that from now on he can't remember what finger actions make what sounds? It's not like he can read music. They'll kick him out of Dethklok and then he'll go hungry and die, and worst of all they'd all laugh at him! Especially Skwisgaar! That is just un-fucking-acceptable. So once again he, panics. Loudly. "You tells them to fix my brains!" he screams at Ofdensen. "I don't wanna get kicksed out and die!

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

"They have had worse happen to them than a hatchet stuck in their head! And it doesn't look deep enough that it struck the brain either. Toki, that is very unlikely to happen, but if it does, I'll be sure to get you taken care of, and WILL YOU QUIT FUCKING VIDEO TAPING?"

[coxinsox.livejournal.com]

No, really, he was about to kill someone. And he thought it might just be Ofdenson. Whirling on the bespectacled man, he let out a whistle so piercing it sounded like it might have come from a nuclear power plant alarm. "ALL RIGHT," he roared, "That's it! Anyone who does not currently have a hatchet in their face other than me and Carla needs to get THE HELL OUT right now or so help me, I feel there may be an EPIDEMIC coming on. That means you and you," he snapped at Ofdenson and House in turn, "Gyeeeeeeeeddout!" He whistled again and pointed at the door.

"Now THEN." He turned back to Carla without missing a beat. "Carla, would you please get Mr. Axe-face here an x-ray while I go ahead and owl our resident crackpot surgeon in the hopes that since he's got so much experience opening skulls, he might be able to do something about fixing this one." He grinned nastily. "Otherwise, we~~~ might just have to go ahead and break out the Krazy Glue."

With a crack like thunder, he clapped his hands together. "Now GO!" And with that, he stalked for the back of the Wing.

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

Ofdensen merely glared and stayed where he was.

[carlaespinosa.livejournal.com]

Oh, great. Cox was just joy and light to deal with on a good day. Now not only was he in a bad mood, but he was on a 'thinking he was in love with her' kick. Just freaking awesome.

Bad moods were kind of like kuru. They spread. Whirling on Ofdensen, Carla snarled, looking twice as scary as Cox's crazy eyes could ever hope to. "You. Leave. Now. Because if you do not, one of three things will happen. The first is I will rouse the crazy red-headed Witch who is currently sitting in the back making a potion and who gets very cranky when she gets interrupted for no good reason, and I will have her come out here and wave her magic wand and turn you into an asparagus, which I will then cut into a thousand pieces and scatter out the window for the owls to eat."

She took a step forward, digging out her own wand and muttering a long, complicated incantation - one of the few she knew, actually - towards Toki, starting the magical x-ray thing. Then her eyes snapped back to Ofdensen. "Two, the good doctor will come back out here, see that you've not left, and, in a fit of rage, pick you up and hurl you out the doors. Or, finally, I will just get so annoyed that you are disrupting my Wing, that I'll just wave this wand at you and say whatever random words come to mind. Somehow, I think that'll be the most dangerous. It's also the most likely, as you are working my last nerve. Now get the hell out so we can fix your friend. NOW."

Then, dismissing him with a cold glare - she had no doubt he'd obey her - Carla turned back to Toki to finish up the x-ray.

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

For his part, Toki is trying to stay very, very still. He's happy that no one's yelling at him at the moment, which is a nice change of pace from the past few minutes. Even so, he's terrified that that magical X-ray thing is going to malfunction and turn his head into a chicken or something. So yes, his goals for the moment? Hold very, very still, make no sudden movements for malfunction-causing, and not get yelled at. He'll start yelling if anyone's turned into asparagus, though, especially the guy in charge of making sure Dethklok gets whatever the hell they want. He doesn't think asparagus can represent them in court.

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

Oh please. Ofdensen's stared down tougher people and survived. Besides, screw the rules. Toki's got an axe in his head. Someone had to look out for his well being, seeing as how the doctors here were completely unprofessional.

[canes-can-kill.livejournal.com]

Rather entertained by all this shouting, House had just retreated to the far wall and continued taping. It would be hilarious to listen to all these mini-rants later.

But seeing as they were actually going to start doing something soon, House's attention span waned, and promptly cut out. Eh, there were better things to be doing. Shutting off the camera, he leaned over to Carla. "I'd invest in a better bra, Wonder Woman," he winked mockingly, "Those puppies are perky, but they might get in the way of pulling sharp objects out of skulls."

Whistling jauntily, House promptly made his way out of the room. But not before using his cane to shift the nearest stool into the doorway, hopefully just so that somebody would trip over it.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Summoned by a pissy owl, Stephen arrived bearing a kit of rather frightening and sharp tools. Bonesaw, trephine, assorted scalpels and catlings and such. "I need not ask whom our patient might be," he said dryly, eyeing Toki and the hatchet. "Is this gentleman the perpetrator," gesturing to Ofdensen, "or has he paid a significant sum for the pleasure of watching the hatchet removed? If so, he must needs be refunded. I am in no mood to entertain."

[carlaespinosa.livejournal.com]

Oh, this was just the end. Carla's eyes narrowed dangerously. But not at Toki. The patient was behaving himself nicely, and Carla was first and foremost a nurse. Resting her hand on his shoulder, she smiled down at him. "Don't you worry. Carla is going to take care of you. We've got your x-rays now and the doctors will consult. Just wait a bit longer."

Then, exhaling a breath, she rounded on Stephen with a too-bright smile. "And who the hell are you? Because I've had it up to here," she indicated the top of her head, "with people wandering in here like my patient is some zoo animal on display. So if you're not here to help, could you do me a favor and get out? And drag that idiot with you." She jerked her thumb at Ofdensen. "Because he is working my last nerve."

Grabbing the parchments with the x-ray images, Carla patted Toki reassuringly once more on the shoulder before heading to the back to get Cox.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen, unimpressed, glared at the mouthy woman. "Exactly what part of 'our patient' did you not understand, madam? The first-person plural possessive pronoun includes the personage speaking, in this case myself. Perry," he called to the general vicinity, not seeing the man who had summoned him, "I will thank you kindly to tame your hired help, or else you can dig the hatchet out of this man's head yourself. I have other things to be about, the good Lord knows."

[coxinsox.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank whatever God -- or more likely demon -- was responsible for the creation of Dr. Stephen Maturin. And bless his black little heart. Cox, who had been busy punching things in the back room, heaved out a sigh of relief at the sound of Stephen's voice and stormed his way back into the Wing proper, plastering a huge, toothy grin onto his face. "Hey, Doc, if you want to try, be my guest, bu~t I'd go ahead and buy a cup before you try suggesting taming Carla here within striking distance."

"Carla," he continued, putting a hand on her shoulder, "this is my esteemed colleague and fellow drunk and crazy person, Dr. Stephen Maturin. Doc, this is Carla-from-the-block Espinosa, our new nurse. And this," he went on, rounding on Toki, "is Axe-guy. He has an axe in his head."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"Actually, my name is Toki." He points at the hatchet, which he's now becoming a bit fond of as the pain potion's kicked in and it's not causing any immediate problems. He's sure it's making him look even more metal than usual which isn't a whole lot, especially when he has his stuffed bear, which he wishes he did right now. "And he's my managers," he says, pointing at Ofdensen. He glares mutinously at Cox and Maturin. "If you guys is gettings drinks, I needs some too." The fact that having drunken doctors attempting to remove a hatchet from his forehead is probably not a good idea seems to elude him.

[carlaespinosa.livejournal.com]

Oh, no he did not. Eyes narrowing into dangerous regions, Carla had opened her mouth to deliver the rant to end all rants when Cox swooped in from the back room and played a little peacekeeping. Huffing a sigh, Carla set her jaw and nodded at Stephen. "Sorry, doctor," she said in a tone that very clearly did not indicate any contrition. "It's kind of hard to keep track who actually works here and who just likes to wander in and film things."

She glanced up at Cox as if to say 'see, look, I'm playing nice', and handed him the x-ray. Then she pointed at Toki. "No one is drinking. Least of all the men who will be operating on you. Just sit back and let these two doctors work their magic."