[identity profile] secondfastest.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] hh_mirror

Toki peers out of the Hufflepuff doorway and takes a cautious look around. No lobsters. Good. He's been virtually locked in his room for a while, absolutely terrified that the horrible, horrible crustaceans were going to attack him at any moment. But he's run out of booze, and that has to be fixed. He skitters down the hallway, keeping a wary eye out, and in a stroke of luck finds the Little Green Apple open.

Chiana is leaning back in her chair, pleasantly buzzed on a combination of margaritas and something or other in the hookah, she didn't catch the name. But hey, as long as it works, the name isn't important. She's busy using a hatchet that she had snurched from outside to carve a vaguely obscene drawing in the table.

Toki grabs a beer, chugs it, grabs another, chugs that one, and starts trying to stuff them down his shirt. No way he's letting anyone take it from him between here and his room. But his attention wanders over to the sound of the carving, and then he notices that the girl doing the carving is gray. Not pale, gray. With... really weird eyes. "Is you some kinds of cat lady?"

Chiana jerks from her carving and attempts to hide the hatchet. "Nah, I'm a Nebari. Chiana. All that beer for you?"

"Neeebree." Toki sounds out the unfamiliar word, mangling it as usual. "Yeah, I runs out. I'm Toki. Hufflepuff perfect." He points at the hatchet as best as he can with the armfuls of beer bottles. "Where you gets that?"

"What, this? Outside." She grins. "Pretty drad, huh?"

"Hatchets is metal," Toki agrees.

"Hey, wanna see something cool? Bet I can knock one of those bottles off your head with it."

Toki is not blessed with an overabundance of wisdom, nor is he completely sober at the moment. "I bets you a hundred dollars you can't!" And he sets an empty bottle on his head. Miraculously, it stays.

"You're on, 'stache boy. Watch." Chiana aims carefully, throws, and the result is about what you'd expect when drunks play with weapons.

And so it is that Chiana, dragging a squalling, panicking Toki with a hatchet in his forehead, blood pouring down his face, and beer soaking his clothes, arrive in the Hospital Wing.

Date: 2007-07-15 06:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carlaespinosa.livejournal.com
After having been a nurse for mumblemumble years, there are few things that will surprise you. A squealing, drunk guy with a hatchet in his head? Not exactly normal, but it wasn't precisely cool enough to warrant a scream or a jawdrop or anything like this. The gray lady was kind of weird, though.

"Bad day?"

Quickly, effectively, Carla moved forward and started to escort Toki towards a bed, her eyes already starting to examine the wound.

Oh, this was fun.

Date: 2007-07-15 06:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] canes-can-kill.livejournal.com
Sometimes, there was very little to do in Hogwarts. Especially if you were a bored Diagnostician that needed constant mental activity to keep himself sane. House had taken to lurking around the Hospital Wing, a magical video camera in hand, just in case anything really interesting happened.

Beaming as Toki and Chiana ran into the Hospital Wing, House followed after them, video camera already recording.

"Is it my birthday?" He asked brightly, rudely shoving himself in the midst of the group just so that he could get a good close-up shot of the entry wound. Now this was entertainment!

Date: 2007-07-15 06:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carlaespinosa.livejournal.com
Elbowing House aside, Carla glared at him. "Do not make me take that cheap ass camera and perform a walking enema on you. Move it."

Ignoring the arguing, she managed to wrestle Toki into the bed. "Okay, everyone here needs to shut up!" Glaring at everyone, she muttered curses in Spanish under her breath, trying to get an IV of pain potion into Toki's arm.

Date: 2007-07-15 06:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rogue-nebari.livejournal.com
Toki has predictably been kicking and screaming like a panicky kid the whole time, threatening and promising to sue and screaming for beer. He shuts up obediently at Carla's order to shut the hell up, though.

Chiana, whose buzz is seriously being harshed by all this, isn't complying as well as Toki. "Frelling idiot," she mutters in Toki's general direction. Turning to House, she grins. "Hey, make me a copy?" Because seriously, the least that she can get out of this is a video of a moron with a hatchet in his head. "I want that back, you know," she tells Carla. "But not if he has diseases. Does he have diseases?"

Date: 2007-07-15 06:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] canes-can-kill.livejournal.com
"Ow, hey, cripple walking, here," House snapped at Carla, clutching his stomach - even though it hadn't really hurt and he was in such a good mood about this that his immaturity had gotten worse. Still grinning, he followed them to the bed and makes sure to take some good shots of Toki's face. The expressions were always key in videos like this.

He hadn't even really noticed the other chick, but when she asked for a copy, House smirked. "Sure thing," he nodded, and then glared at Carla. "Hey, do you not see the entertainment value of this? Would you stop working for one second so that I can get a good shot? Good lord."

Date: 2007-07-15 07:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carlaespinosa.livejournal.com
Oh, Lord. Cox, she knew, was in the back somewhere, probably hiding. Chicken. Rolling her eyes, Carla stepped back and held up her hands. "Okay, that's it!" Eyes narrowing into a glare that had sent even the Chief of Medicine running, she turned to look at each of the offending parties by turn.

"You," she pointed at Chiana, "I'm assuming are responsible for this little trip into home plastic surgery? I think that you're done playing with sharp things. Now sit down, shut up, and wait until it's your turn to talk."

Whirling on House, her expression only got more scary. "Listen, Ed Wood, either take that camera about eight feet away or I swear, I'll make sure you get intimately acquainted with the taste of film." She smiled. It was not a happy smile. "Got it?"

Then she finally got to focus on the patient. "Answer the woman. Do you have diseases?" She picked up a chart and started writing. "Or any allergies?"

Date: 2007-07-15 04:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coxinsox.livejournal.com
Cox was in fact in the back, although he'd been not so much hiding as napping. He'd been there all day, it was very boring, and he was exhausted and had been having a very pleasant doze when he was suddenly awoken by the sounds of screeching. At first he'd thought it was just a dream -- then he'd heard the noises out in the Wing, but hearing Carla's voice, assumed she'd just take care of it. When Toki started screeching again, though... Well, it did not put him into a pleasant or benevolent mood.

The door to the back room banged open and he stalked out, coat flying behind him like a white cape. "Just what in the hell is going on out here?" he demanded furiously, his eyes wide and crazy angry. "Because I swear to God, if someone isn't dead, I may start killing people myself." He stopped suddenly when he saw Toki, but he seemed more annoyed than alarmed. "What in the hell did you do?"

Date: 2007-07-16 12:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] charlesofdensen.livejournal.com
Ofdensen has Spidey sense. Or some metal equivalent.

Anyway, a house elf had alerted him that Toki had gotten injured, causing him to rush, or try to rush with a limp, to the hospital wing. He slipped through the door, not saying anything, just watching, making sure Toki was all right.

Date: 2007-07-17 05:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carlaespinosa.livejournal.com
If there'd been any way Carla could have beat herself senseless with the chart without looking insane, she'd have done it. "Cursed by lobsters?" she repeated with a fake smile - that nursey 'everything is okay, why would you think not?' one - and continued writing down notes. "No, not a disease."

Whirling around as Cox entered the room with a bang, Carla simply huffed out a sigh and narrowed her eyes. "Do not," she told him, seemingly apropos of nothing. Then she looked over at Chiana. "Actually, I don't care what you were doing. Obviously sharp objects and alcohol were involved, which is all I really need to know. What your particular kinks are regarding axes to the head are really not relevant, medically. But thanks for the info."

Then, switching her attention back to Cox, she said, "Male, apparently mid-thirties, blunt force trauma to front of scull with hatchet still embedded, lucid, ambulatory, no allergies, claims to be diabetic but no other medical conditions. I've started 20ccs of the pain potion in an IV." She handed Cox the chart and awaited further instructions.

Date: 2007-07-17 08:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] charlesofdensen.livejournal.com
"Toki, it's not wise to have a beer until we know you're all right. It could make you worse than you already are."

Date: 2007-07-18 02:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coxinsox.livejournal.com
Cox shot Carla a kind of scandalized look. "I wasn't," he said defensively. "I was sleeping. Now what in the name of Peter, Paul and Mary is going on out here?"

The question was largely rhetorical, because it was not exactly hard to SEE what was going on, but he was slightly mollified when Carla handed over the chart. "Goo~~d girl. Now shut up, shut up, and shut up," he told the other three. "And..." He turned to House with a frown, holding the chart against his chest. "I'm gonna go ahead and give you a preemptive shut up, Gimpy, and don't you dare turn that camera on me or so help me I will choke you with a plastic bag."

Date: 2007-07-18 02:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carlaespinosa.livejournal.com
"You were thinking about it," Carla returned, one eyebrow going up knowingly. "Don't."

Smirking slightly at Cox's rant, Carla bustled around the bed. She started to clean up the area around the hatchet so that Perry would have a clear field to work with. "Are you just going to," she made a sound effect like ripping off a bandage, "yank it out?"

Then she glowered at Toki. "Listen to the strange lurking man. No beer. Beer is what got you a freaking ax in your head."

Date: 2007-07-18 03:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] charlesofdensen.livejournal.com
"Strange lurking man? I'm his manager. Toki, it will be over in a second, and then you can have vodka. Okay?"

Date: 2007-07-20 06:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] canes-can-kill.livejournal.com
Apparently, House's amused smirk was inversely proportionate to the amount of bitching directed his way - which meant that it simply grew wider at every insult. The squealing of the guy with the hatchet in his head was beginning to get annoying, though. "Oh, will you shut up about alcohol," House raised his voice, irritated. "Good lord, you'd think it was buried in your workplace acceptable euphemism for dick, the way you're screaming."

Now sufficiently bored with filming Toki's head, House directed the camera over in Cox's direction, and fiddled with the zoom - zooming it directly up his nostril from a few feet away. House snickered to himself quietly. Well, he had to amuse himself somehow.

Date: 2007-07-20 07:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coxinsox.livejournal.com
Cox was not pleased with anything that is going on here. Not one bit. He scowled and tightened his arms, rolling his head on his neck to try and relieve some of the tension that was building there. "I'm pretty sure I told all of you to shut the hell up," he snarled. "When people don't do what I want them to, bad things happen." He stalked over to Toki. "Like hatchets, for example."

Carla's question was a pretty good one, though. He wasn't actually sure what he wanted to do about this. Yanking it out would mean a ton of blood and possibly exposed grey matter... but what was the alternative?

Date: 2007-07-20 07:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carlaespinosa.livejournal.com
Well, House was her new favorite person. Glaring at Ofdensen, Carla snapped, "Are you offering my patient alcohol? Do not offer my patient alcohol. We're pulling a hatchet out of his head. He'll be lucky there isn't brain damage. Now stop trying to treat my patient before you suddenly have reason to be flat on your back as well." Cursing under her breath in a long, fast stream of Spanish, she pointed at House. "Who the hell are you?"

Then, turning to Cox, she huffed out a breath and folded her arms. "Any day now, doctor. Unless you think the hatchet brings out his eyes?"

Date: 2007-07-20 07:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] canes-can-kill.livejournal.com
Apparently, the depths of Cox's nostril had become far more interesting to House than Hatchet Head. The latter would have been more interesting if there'd been something more to this case, say, something other than a moron who'd got something sharp shoved into his brain. That was just boring.

At Carla's question, House glanced up from his video camera, and pulled a mockingly innocent expression. "I'm just a janitor, miss! Hurr. Though you should probably get an x-ray to check that he hasn't damaged his corpus callosum. I hear that's an important bit of the brain," he said, obviously extremely bored with the patient. "Or just make him play some music; if he can't, congratulations! He's got brain damage!"

Date: 2007-07-21 01:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] charlesofdensen.livejournal.com
"They have had worse happen to them than a hatchet stuck in their head! And it doesn't look deep enough that it struck the brain either. Toki, that is very unlikely to happen, but if it does, I'll be sure to get you taken care of, and WILL YOU QUIT FUCKING VIDEO TAPING?"

Date: 2007-07-26 09:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coxinsox.livejournal.com
No, really, he was about to kill someone. And he thought it might just be Ofdenson. Whirling on the bespectacled man, he let out a whistle so piercing it sounded like it might have come from a nuclear power plant alarm. "ALL RIGHT," he roared, "That's it! Anyone who does not currently have a hatchet in their face other than me and Carla needs to get THE HELL OUT right now or so help me, I feel there may be an EPIDEMIC coming on. That means you and you," he snapped at Ofdenson and House in turn, "Gyeeeeeeeeddout!" He whistled again and pointed at the door.

"Now THEN." He turned back to Carla without missing a beat. "Carla, would you please get Mr. Axe-face here an x-ray while I go ahead and owl our resident crackpot surgeon in the hopes that since he's got so much experience opening skulls, he might be able to do something about fixing this one." He grinned nastily. "Otherwise, we~~~ might just have to go ahead and break out the Krazy Glue."

With a crack like thunder, he clapped his hands together. "Now GO!" And with that, he stalked for the back of the Wing.

Date: 2007-07-27 12:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] charlesofdensen.livejournal.com
Ofdensen merely glared and stayed where he was.

Date: 2007-07-27 01:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carlaespinosa.livejournal.com
Oh, great. Cox was just joy and light to deal with on a good day. Now not only was he in a bad mood, but he was on a 'thinking he was in love with her' kick. Just freaking awesome.

Bad moods were kind of like kuru. They spread. Whirling on Ofdensen, Carla snarled, looking twice as scary as Cox's crazy eyes could ever hope to. "You. Leave. Now. Because if you do not, one of three things will happen. The first is I will rouse the crazy red-headed Witch who is currently sitting in the back making a potion and who gets very cranky when she gets interrupted for no good reason, and I will have her come out here and wave her magic wand and turn you into an asparagus, which I will then cut into a thousand pieces and scatter out the window for the owls to eat."

She took a step forward, digging out her own wand and muttering a long, complicated incantation - one of the few she knew, actually - towards Toki, starting the magical x-ray thing. Then her eyes snapped back to Ofdensen. "Two, the good doctor will come back out here, see that you've not left, and, in a fit of rage, pick you up and hurl you out the doors. Or, finally, I will just get so annoyed that you are disrupting my Wing, that I'll just wave this wand at you and say whatever random words come to mind. Somehow, I think that'll be the most dangerous. It's also the most likely, as you are working my last nerve. Now get the hell out so we can fix your friend. NOW."

Then, dismissing him with a cold glare - she had no doubt he'd obey her - Carla turned back to Toki to finish up the x-ray.

Date: 2007-07-27 01:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] charlesofdensen.livejournal.com
Oh please. Ofdensen's stared down tougher people and survived. Besides, screw the rules. Toki's got an axe in his head. Someone had to look out for his well being, seeing as how the doctors here were completely unprofessional.

Date: 2007-07-27 01:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] canes-can-kill.livejournal.com
Rather entertained by all this shouting, House had just retreated to the far wall and continued taping. It would be hilarious to listen to all these mini-rants later.

But seeing as they were actually going to start doing something soon, House's attention span waned, and promptly cut out. Eh, there were better things to be doing. Shutting off the camera, he leaned over to Carla. "I'd invest in a better bra, Wonder Woman," he winked mockingly, "Those puppies are perky, but they might get in the way of pulling sharp objects out of skulls."

Whistling jauntily, House promptly made his way out of the room. But not before using his cane to shift the nearest stool into the doorway, hopefully just so that somebody would trip over it.

Date: 2007-07-29 05:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estebanmd.livejournal.com
Summoned by a pissy owl, Stephen arrived bearing a kit of rather frightening and sharp tools. Bonesaw, trephine, assorted scalpels and catlings and such. "I need not ask whom our patient might be," he said dryly, eyeing Toki and the hatchet. "Is this gentleman the perpetrator," gesturing to Ofdensen, "or has he paid a significant sum for the pleasure of watching the hatchet removed? If so, he must needs be refunded. I am in no mood to entertain."

Date: 2007-07-30 12:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carlaespinosa.livejournal.com
Oh, this was just the end. Carla's eyes narrowed dangerously. But not at Toki. The patient was behaving himself nicely, and Carla was first and foremost a nurse. Resting her hand on his shoulder, she smiled down at him. "Don't you worry. Carla is going to take care of you. We've got your x-rays now and the doctors will consult. Just wait a bit longer."

Then, exhaling a breath, she rounded on Stephen with a too-bright smile. "And who the hell are you? Because I've had it up to here," she indicated the top of her head, "with people wandering in here like my patient is some zoo animal on display. So if you're not here to help, could you do me a favor and get out? And drag that idiot with you." She jerked her thumb at Ofdensen. "Because he is working my last nerve."

Grabbing the parchments with the x-ray images, Carla patted Toki reassuringly once more on the shoulder before heading to the back to get Cox.

Date: 2007-07-30 09:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estebanmd.livejournal.com
Stephen, unimpressed, glared at the mouthy woman. "Exactly what part of 'our patient' did you not understand, madam? The first-person plural possessive pronoun includes the personage speaking, in this case myself. Perry," he called to the general vicinity, not seeing the man who had summoned him, "I will thank you kindly to tame your hired help, or else you can dig the hatchet out of this man's head yourself. I have other things to be about, the good Lord knows."

Date: 2007-07-31 03:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coxinsox.livejournal.com
Oh, thank whatever God -- or more likely demon -- was responsible for the creation of Dr. Stephen Maturin. And bless his black little heart. Cox, who had been busy punching things in the back room, heaved out a sigh of relief at the sound of Stephen's voice and stormed his way back into the Wing proper, plastering a huge, toothy grin onto his face. "Hey, Doc, if you want to try, be my guest, bu~t I'd go ahead and buy a cup before you try suggesting taming Carla here within striking distance."

"Carla," he continued, putting a hand on her shoulder, "this is my esteemed colleague and fellow drunk and crazy person, Dr. Stephen Maturin. Doc, this is Carla-from-the-block Espinosa, our new nurse. And this," he went on, rounding on Toki, "is Axe-guy. He has an axe in his head."

Date: 2007-08-01 05:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carlaespinosa.livejournal.com
Oh, no he did not. Eyes narrowing into dangerous regions, Carla had opened her mouth to deliver the rant to end all rants when Cox swooped in from the back room and played a little peacekeeping. Huffing a sigh, Carla set her jaw and nodded at Stephen. "Sorry, doctor," she said in a tone that very clearly did not indicate any contrition. "It's kind of hard to keep track who actually works here and who just likes to wander in and film things."

She glanced up at Cox as if to say 'see, look, I'm playing nice', and handed him the x-ray. Then she pointed at Toki. "No one is drinking. Least of all the men who will be operating on you. Just sit back and let these two doctors work their magic."

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