Application: Constable Renfield Turnbull, RCMP (Due South)

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

((okay'ed by Ray-mun and Fraser-mun))

A tall, muscular man, dressed in the bright red uniform of a Mountie, appears within the room. He is wearing a pink apron over the uniform, with cleaning gloves on his hands and a duster clutched in one hand. He seems confused by the unfamiliar locale, but not overly surprised to find himself there.

"Oh dear, I hope I haven't managed to get lost in the Consulate… again. I don’t want Inspector Thatcher to yell at me for this."

Glancing around the room, he notices the paper on the table, but focuses on cleaning until the room is in some semblance of order while humming under his breath. "Well, that will have to do for the moment. Now I really should deal with this paperwork." Setting down the duster and removing his gloves, he sets to work on answering the questions- no doubt this is part of his service to Queen and Country.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Well, although it would be hard to pick a favorite, I have to say I'm partial to camembert, especially prepared as camembert en croute almondine."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Even though I am normally opposed to the execution of prisoners, I would of course make an exception for the Quebecois Quasher, Vincent 'Carrottop' Flynn. The things that man did…" He shakes his head sadly at the memory.

3. What time is it where you are?
"It must be around eleven… Constable Fraser hasn't come in from guard duty yet and there's still a bit of time before I need to prepare lunch."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Carefully checking the room for eavesdroppers before answering, he whispers, "I wouldn't be willing to sexually harass anyone, of course. Still, I would be amenable to courting Remus Lupin… He's well-aged and blond and seems familiar somehow. "

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"The Crow Bar seems a little obvious… Ooh! I would love to work at the Bonspiel!" He seems momentarily overcome with the thought of working at a bar devoted to curling, then shakes his head and returns to the questions.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Well, I don't see a reason for Harry to break up their happy home. As far as I can tell, Fred and George are happy together and don't need another man coming between them."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Chances are, a superior officer continually passes off all of her paperwork onto you. Thankfully, that problem seems to lessen once you get to know them, and they realize what you're capable of doing."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
"Would someone who was useless be promoted to temporary assistant interim associate deputy liaison? I think not."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I would be pleased to cook something special for anyone who gives me a vote. I'm also good at keeping secrets, and can do a fantastic job running interference for you."


"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ______RT______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____RT______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____RT______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______RT_______"

Comments

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Of all the people Fraser had been expecting to turn up here, Turnbull was... well, very low on his list.

Very low.

Somewhere after his sister Maggie, the Bolt brothers (a gang of terrorists), mob boss Frankie Zuko, and his dead uncle Tiberius.

So it was with some surprise that he regarded the man standing before him, although he tried as best he could to mask it. It did take him a moment to speak, and when he did he could find only one thing to say: "Constable Turnbull, I've been here for the last six months. If you were waiting for me to come in from guard duty, I take it you've been waiting for some time."

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

"Oh, hello sir." He beams at seeing Fraser, but his face falls after Fraser speaks.

"I'm sorry, sir. I assumed you were kept busy, between your responsibilities here at the Consulate and your liaison duties with the 2-7, and that was the reason I hadn't seen you recently. Yet here you were, hidden in the Consulate, the whole time." Leaning forward, he whispers to Fraser. "Were you taking part in a secret mission?"

[earthto-mars.livejournal.com]

Hello, meticulous newcomer. Cooking? Don't mind if I do.

Okay, so I had someone to cook for me, being myself. Or, you know, house elves. But still. This guy was cute. In a puppy sort of way. A... kind of uptight puppy sort of way, but... puppy!

"Not sure how up ons Fred and George make with the twincest," I admitted with a grin, crossing my arms around my lovely new shirt (http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemID=30631&itemType=PRODUCT&iMainCat=10&iSubCat=12&iProductID=30631) to fix this guy with my very best private investigator look of question. I can't help but pump the new guys for the goods.

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

He responds to her with a friendly grin, "Hello miss, welcome to Canada!"

At the term "twincest," his face scrunches up in confusion. "I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that term. What does it mean?"

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

Hiya. What kind of secrets do you usually keep?

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

He grins and attempts a cunning expression. "Now, if I told you, they wouldn't be secrets. I'm not falling for that trick again."

[lady-h3ath3r.livejournal.com]

My my. You are giving off sartorial mixed messages, aren't you?

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

"Well, I suppose it may look a bit odd, but it's certainly preferable to getting the uniform dirty." He shudders slightly at the thought.

[wobblingmolly.livejournal.com]

Molly could only stare at the Gryffindor answer with her mouth hanging open.

"Are you intentionally suggesting that my sons engage in incestuous activities?" she asked.

Really, she had no words. None whatsoever.

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

He stares at her, somewhat shocked. "Oh, I'm sorry. That idea never even crossed my mind- I thought they both had the last name Weasley since they were married! My apologies, madam."

[moonylicious.livejournal.com]

"That's... a rather interesting answer to question 4," Remus remarked mildly.

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

Embarrassed, Turnbull can only blush and stammer an apology. "Er, I hope you weren't offended by that, sir. "

[fabernathy.livejournal.com]

Francis couldn't be bothered reading the actual application. There were other things to consider.

"The uniform is fabulous," he told the applicant, peering at him through his pince-nez. "And I've always thought men in uniform were sexy."

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

"It is an amazing uniform, and one I'm proud to wear." He flushes slighlty at the second comment. "Thank you, I suppose. It sort of loses any sexual appeal when you realize how itchy and hot it makes you feel while standing guard."

[busty-robin.livejournal.com]

Sweet! Another Mountie! Fraser would have someone to talk to about...trees? Canadian trees? Steph might have spoken Canada (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1384789.html?thread=70386517#t70386517), but she was by no means fluent.

"'Temporary assistant interim associate deputy liaison'," she repeated, grinning. He was so adorable! "Now that is a very impressive title."

((HEE. He's perfect.))

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

He smiles, flattered that someone appreciates his (admittedly tricky, at times) job. "Why, thank you! It's taken me several years to rise this far in the ranks, you know. It certainly isn't the sort of job that a wet-behind-the-ears rookie would be capable of doing."

((Thank you! :D))

[mischief-fred.livejournal.com]

Fred had long ago decided that he would enjoy Question 5B.

"Hmmm. I'm not quite sure I agree with you," he said pleasantly, with a grin. "I mean, wouldn't adding Harry into our happy home - George's and my home, that is - triple the fun?"

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

Having already spoken with Molly Weasley, Turnbull knew that Fred and George didn't have any sort of 'happy home' to invite Harry into. Therefore, Fred was trying to mess with him, so he was free to amuse himself by acting clueless about the whole thing.

"I think that would be an admirable solution, assuming you were all amenable to it, and certainly an option that crossed my mind. However, the question seemed to preclude that possibility- perhaps it should be updated to allow for less traditional family models, like polygamy.

[the-office-pam.livejournal.com]

Pam had to laugh, albeit with a hint of wryness, even something wistful, perhaps. "I'm not sure I agree. About the paperwork question, I mean. My boss still passes off all his paperwork to me, and the problem hasn't lessened at all." The teeniest, tiniest of bitter notes crept into her voice. "I don't think he knows anything about what I'm capable of." A slight pause, and then. "So...yeah, it's good that it got better for you." And now she tried a smile, which was mostly successful.

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

"Ah, well, that may be a good thing." Turnbull can't help sounding a little wistful himself. "It often seems that I handle tasks less important than paperwork since I'm not even trusted to deal with that. At the very least, you seem to have earned some respect from your boss."

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

Ah! Michael knew an inflated title when he heard one. "You must mean temporary assistant TO the interim associate deputy liaison," Michael said with a bright smile.

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

Turnbull cocked his head, confused. "No, I'm quite sure that Constable Fraser said 'temporary assistant interim associate deputy liaison.' Besides, given that the Consulate doesn't have an interim associate deputy liaison, there wouldn't be anyone for me to temporarily assist."

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

The Hat knew a mountie uniform when it saw one, and where there were mounties, there were Stetsons (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/997809.html?thread=50444209#t50444209).

"Where's your hat, and would it be interested in a hot chapeau threesome?" it asked eagerly.

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

Turnbull is too captivated by the sight of a talking hat to take in what it's saying to him. "Wow! This magic stuff gets more and more astonishing!"

Realizing he hasn't heard a word it's said, he sheepishly asks. "I'm sorry, could you repeat yourself?"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

In with the talking cats and assassins you go, and when they eat your face I will be waiting with straps held wide for the hot loving of your Stetson!

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Hufflepuff!