Application: Constable Renfield Turnbull, RCMP (Due South)

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

((okay'ed by Ray-mun and Fraser-mun))

A tall, muscular man, dressed in the bright red uniform of a Mountie, appears within the room. He is wearing a pink apron over the uniform, with cleaning gloves on his hands and a duster clutched in one hand. He seems confused by the unfamiliar locale, but not overly surprised to find himself there.

"Oh dear, I hope I haven't managed to get lost in the Consulate… again. I don’t want Inspector Thatcher to yell at me for this."

Glancing around the room, he notices the paper on the table, but focuses on cleaning until the room is in some semblance of order while humming under his breath. "Well, that will have to do for the moment. Now I really should deal with this paperwork." Setting down the duster and removing his gloves, he sets to work on answering the questions- no doubt this is part of his service to Queen and Country.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Well, although it would be hard to pick a favorite, I have to say I'm partial to camembert, especially prepared as camembert en croute almondine."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Even though I am normally opposed to the execution of prisoners, I would of course make an exception for the Quebecois Quasher, Vincent 'Carrottop' Flynn. The things that man did…" He shakes his head sadly at the memory.

3. What time is it where you are?
"It must be around eleven… Constable Fraser hasn't come in from guard duty yet and there's still a bit of time before I need to prepare lunch."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Carefully checking the room for eavesdroppers before answering, he whispers, "I wouldn't be willing to sexually harass anyone, of course. Still, I would be amenable to courting Remus Lupin… He's well-aged and blond and seems familiar somehow. "

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"The Crow Bar seems a little obvious… Ooh! I would love to work at the Bonspiel!" He seems momentarily overcome with the thought of working at a bar devoted to curling, then shakes his head and returns to the questions.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Well, I don't see a reason for Harry to break up their happy home. As far as I can tell, Fred and George are happy together and don't need another man coming between them."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Chances are, a superior officer continually passes off all of her paperwork onto you. Thankfully, that problem seems to lessen once you get to know them, and they realize what you're capable of doing."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
"Would someone who was useless be promoted to temporary assistant interim associate deputy liaison? I think not."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I would be pleased to cook something special for anyone who gives me a vote. I'm also good at keeping secrets, and can do a fantastic job running interference for you."


"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ______RT______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____RT______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____RT______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______RT_______"

Comments

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

Turnbull cocked his head, confused. "No, I'm quite sure that Constable Fraser said 'temporary assistant interim associate deputy liaison.' Besides, given that the Consulate doesn't have an interim associate deputy liaison, there wouldn't be anyone for me to temporarily assist."

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

Fraser...Fraser.... Michael knew that name, but from where? ...Wait a moment! He was that guy who hung out with Dwight. Not an actual friend, because in Michael's eyes, Dwight was a loser and therefore couldn't possibly have any friends (except for Michael himself, but that was because Michael considered himself to be everybody's friend - except Toby's, of course, UGH), but still someone Dwight knew and talked to. God, that made all the sense in the world, then.

"No nuh no nuh no nuh no," Michael said with a smarmy laugh, shaking his head. "Constable Fraser's been spending too much time with my Assistant to the Regional Manager, who's an idiot. It's temporary assistant TO the interim associate deputy liaison, and I~~~ am the interim associate deputy liaison." Which was completely untrue, of course, but Michael figured that if he was Regional Manager, he could easily be all that other stuff, too.

Or...wait, that sounded like a sort of lowly title. "Aaaaaaaaaactually, I'm the liaison...and therefore, you still TECHnically assist me." Ah, much better! Jim could be the interim associate deputy liaison, and Dwight could be the assistant to the temporary assistant to the interim associate deputy liaison.

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm fairly sure you're mistaken, given the fact that Constable Fraser is the liaison and that you don't even work at the Consulate." In a workplace of three people, yourself included, it's hard to miss someone. "Are you aware that impersonating a Mountie is a criminal offense?"

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, only one word caught Michael's attention.

"MOUNtie?" he said, gaping at Turnbull. "Thaaaaat is comPLETEly inappropriate. I would NEVer do that to anyone at work...unless they were REALly hot." He paused. "And lonely." Another pause. "Or maybe just hot."

[ren-turnbull.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear. Turnbull is once again confused by this strange man. 'Mountie' may sound similar to 'mount he', but that wasn't even grammatically correct. Perhaps this person didn't speak English as a first language, that would explain a lot.

"No, sir. I'm afraid you misunderstood me. 'Mountie' is the colloquial term for a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and does not refer to any inappropriate behavior."

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

"So that's what goes on in Canadian police departments these days? Everyone just...having inapropriate relationships at work?" Michael half-snorted, half-laughed. The Canucks were apparently even more of a joke than Dwight's volunteer sheriff's whatever whatever. "No WONder all the terrorists are coming in through Canada!"