Application: Robb Stark, A Song of Ice and Fire

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

((App is okay'ed by all ASOIAF muns, God help them. Here there be HUGE SPOILERS for A Storm of Swords -- you have been warned!))


Although Robb Stark had once upon a time been a perfectly normal boy, there was nothing normal about the creature that now stood in the middle of the Sorting Room, peering about dazedly. From the neck down he was a teenage boy, stocky, about sixteen -- relatively average, if your definition of 'average' included 'riddled with arrow holes.' The wounds covered him haphazardly, small black holes caked with dried blood; the skin surrounding them was pale and greyish.

None of this really compared, though, to what lay above the shoulders: instead of a boy's head there sat a wolf's, shaggy and huge, stained with more blood around the fringe of fur at the neck. The eyes stared about, somehow both empty and piercing at the same time.

Robb's memories -- or maybe they were Grey Wind's -- were a little fuzzy, as were his thoughts. There had been... a party? Celebration? And then... pain. And strangeness. And now he was here, in this big stone room, far from his pack. Family. Mate. He sniffed the air and whimpered in confusion, scratching at his neck and shoulders. Only boring smells: building smells, library smells. He padded forward and squinted down at the table in front of him, at the parchment and ink. The words were meaningless squiggles, although he thought maybe once they might have meant something.

The quill tapped meaningfully. He stared at it blankly, then threw his head back and howled.

"AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The application seemed to take the hint and started to speak aloud.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Robb cocked his head to the side and barked. Cheese?

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Kill. That was a word he knew. A word that made red heat shoot through both his human body and his wolf brain. He narrowed his eyes and growled, pulling his lips back against his teeth.

3. What time is it where you are?

Settling back on his haunches, Robb sniffed and looked around uncertainly. Time? It was... hazy, like so much else. It felt like night, maybe. Like hunting time.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

None of this question made any sense to him; he ignored it in favor of exploring his surroundings.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

'Bar' was a word he'd never known, in this particular context, and he certainly had no grasp on it now. He scratched uncomfortably at his ear with too many fingers and whined.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Married. Married? It sounded like something he should know, but... Oh! Mate! He stood up sharply and looked around, but when nothing else appeared, he let out a wolfish huff and crouched down again.

And why were his knees backwards?

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

He reached up a hand and batted at the paper. Not because he was answering the question -- just because he was starting to get bored and annoyed.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

As a human, Robb had been Lord Stark and the King of the North. As a wolf, Grey Wind had killed dozens of men protecting Robb. 'Useless' wasn't a word anyone would have used to describe either unless they were a particularly bitchy Greyjoy, and something in him bristled even if he didn't completely understand. He snarled again, his fists clenching at his sides.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

Robb hesitated, then shuffled forward slightly, tongue hanging out as he panted. Again, he was confused, but the gist of the question had sort of slightly gotten through. Unfortunately, he was empty-handed/pawed/what-have-you.

He held up his hands and barked.



"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ___RS_________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____RS_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____RS______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ___RS__________"

Comments

[lemondrop-party.livejournal.com]

Oh, Merlin. It couldn't be.

This was a sort of furry Albus had never dreamed could exist.

"Well, hello there," he said, conjuring a dog biscuit out of thin air, approaching the wolf-headed boy with a pitying smile.

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

Robb wasn't sure he liked the way the man was looking at him, but he did know he was hungry, and he suddenly smelled food. That was enough to dull any wariness or resentment. He took a step towards Albus and sniffed eagerly, his tongue lolling.

[zombified-ed.livejournal.com]

Being a zombie tended to limit ones thought process. Had Ed been human, he might have been thinking with a little more scope - perhaps where to get a Cornetto, whether he should get high, or even pondering his next Mom joke. As it was, zombie!Ed had only thought on his mind.

Braaaaaiiiins.

Ed lumbered into the Sorting Room, and stopped at the sight of Robb. This was confusing. Were those brains? "Unnnggh," he said mournfully, waving a rotting hand at the wolf head.

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

Robb smelled... decay. Bad meat. He wrinkled his nose and whuffed, squinting his wolfish eyes at Ed. What was this that had walked in? He didn't think he'd ever seen anything like it... had he?

It-- it smelled bad, but seemed friendly, somehow. He took a tentative step forward and whined softly, then mimicked the gesture, raising a hand to Ed.

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

There was really only one word that could cross Lily's mind at this.

Awwww!

Sure, this might be a furry. Or some Animagus transfiguration gone wrong. But all she saw was some poor boy very lost and confused and injured. Steeler was by her side - they had been going on a run - and the husky now whined, low in his throat, and nudged her leg. Were they going or weren't they? This new person smelled very odd and had no cookies, so he'd rather be off.

But Lily simply scratched behind Steeler's ears to reassure him and stepped forward, cautiously, holding her hand out for Robb to sniff as you would in the presence of a new animal. "Hello," she said, in a quiet, reassuring voice. "I'm Lily."

Steeler, after a moment of hesitation, stepped forward and chuffed softly. If Lily said it was okay, then the likelihood of them both getting bit was only about half!

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

Robb hesitated as she came towards him, his lips raising in a nervous snarl -- not at her, but at Steeler. Human, something told him, was okay, especially human female. But the dog had to know he was superior. He drew himself up to his full height and loomed over Steeler for a moment, until the other animal seemed to get the idea and lowered his head to his paws.

Robb gave a snarl of satisfaction and crouched down to sniff at Steeler, then at Lily's outstretched hand. There was nothing to offend about either. He looked up at Lily and barked out a sound that might have been 'Robb,' but was really more like 'aroo?'

[metsuhametsu.livejournal.com]

GIR looked blankly up at the boy for a moment before shrieking excitedly. "I can be a dog toooo!" He opens his head, pulls out a green fursuit doggy-disguise, and gets into it quickly. "Look!"

For further emphasis, he emits a noise that's something between a howl, a giggle, and a scratched record. See? Totally like a dog!

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

Robb's senses of right and wrong and up and down and everything else were all a little muddled, but this was just wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong. He jumped at the shriek and snarled, his hackles rising. He sank back slightly and bared his teeth at GIR.

[sidney-reilly.livejournal.com]

Reilly was not one who often let discomfort or surprise show. But he was taken aback by the latest applicant's - condition.

To make things easier on himself, he averted his eyes from the - boy's? - face and studied his more human aspects. Even tattered as it was, the style of his clothing seemed familiar, though he couldn't place it. The wounds were alarming. Reilly's own fatal wounds had disappeared when the Room brought him here; did these marks mean the boy had already come back from death before arriving here, like Catelyn?

Finally he tried to make eye contact, and gestured toward the punctures. "Do those hurt? Can we help?"

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

Something in him recognized the intonation of a question. He cocked an ear and tried to work out what he'd heard. Hurt... help. Hurt. He looked down at himself, at his torn body. There was no pain, now, not really; a slight stiffness at the joints and a kind of funny numb feeling around the holes and at his neck. Death had taken the pain.

He looked up at Reilly and panted.

[2bking.livejournal.com]

Simba had heard the howling, and, unable to resist, had arrived to investigate. Sure enough, there was a ... creature of sorts in the Sorting Room. It looked like a human, mostly, but its head looked kind of like a hyena. He looked and smelled like he might be hurt, too. Simba approached with caution, his ears and tail upright and alert. He sniffed at the boy-thing carefully, trying to look welcoming.

"Hi. I'm Simba. Are you a hyena?"

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

Lions were not plentiful in northern Westeros, save for the one on the Lannister banner. Neither Robb nor Grey Wind had ever seen a four-legged lion in the flesh, and he wasn't really sure what to make of Simba at first. He fell back into a crouch and perked his ears up, looking wary and alert.

When Simba came close, though, Robb realized what he was: a cub. A child. Not a threat, but -- he sniffed -- not a good meal, either. He stood on his feet and barked.

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear sweet baby Jesus on a slice of bread with some mustard.

Not that Doug liked mustard. ...And not that Doug prepared babies on slices of bread. ...Also, not that Doug would ever eat Jesus. ...Um. This was entirely beside the point, OH DEAR LORD.

The thing had a ... a head! Except not! It was a wolf! And this was so American Werewolf in London (or perhaps Paris?) that he almost kind of wanted to cry. Or, just, you know, poke it, and wonder just what the medical implications of that would be, because even he hadn't screwed up that badly on a procedure before.

"You've, uh. Got a, uh."

How does one share with another that they should not hone such wolf-like tendencies?

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

Robb smelled fear.

A lot of fear.

It was kind of exciting.

He took a step closer to Doug and growled softly, the fur on the back of his neck rising.

[runaway-stark.livejournal.com]

((BWAH.))

Arya was seriously considering never, ever coming into the Sorting Room again.

She might not have recognized her brother if she hadn't heard the stories about what had happened at the Red Wedding. She hadn't seen him or Gray Wind in two, maybe three years, after all. But when you hear that one of your older siblings was murdered by his host and mutilated in such a horribly inventive way, there's really only one connection to make when presented with someone mutilated in the exact same way.

"Robb?" She hesitated. "Gray Wind?"

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

For the first time since his arrival, Robb didn't feel confused at all. The recognition was instant: family! pack! Little sister! Moments later the name floated through his brain: Arya!

He bounded towards her with a sound of delight, all of Robb's kingly restraint forgotten in his joy.

[moonylicious.livejournal.com]

This latest applicant was something Remus had never encountered before. It was like a werewolf transformation gone horribly, horribly wrong.

He approached the boy... wolf... person cautiously. "Hello," he said carefully, wondering if he could be understood. Already his mind was pondering the puzzle this boy presented, and he viewed him with wary fascination.

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

Robb smelled the caution on him, the wariness; it wasn't enough to excite him the way Doug's had, but that and something... else, something strange that he smelled on the man were enough to make him hesitate. He blinked at Remus and made a soft, curious sound, taking a step away.

[ugly-imp.livejournal.com]

Tyrion hadn't exactly seen Robb Stark recently. He'd heard about the Red Wedding, but had been more focused on his own family troubles.

Still, he'd noticed the Stark girl's reaction to this boy, and so he approached cautiously.

"Hmmm. Interesting fashion statement the Frays made there," he remarked to nobody in particular.

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

It would be hard not to recognize Tyrion Lannister. The dwarf was nothing if not distinctive, even if he'd had a nose the last time Robb had seen him. The sight alone filled him with quaking anger -- and then the dwarf mentioned the name Frey, and something came back in Robb's memory. A party. And pain.

The howl he let out, filled with rage and grief, was wordless; but the snarl that followed it might almost have sounded like "Lannister." Robb took a step towards Tyrion, his eyes alight with menace.

One tended to lose one's sense of diplomacy, it seemed, when one's head was switched.

[ex-ladyston.livejournal.com]

Of course, the one time Catelyn came down to the Sorting Room, she found herself confronted with the reanimated corpse of her gruesomely murdered son.

She went very still. Part of her brain was insisted what she was seeing wasn't real--she'd had waking nightmares about this sort of thing--but no, it was all too real. She'd hoped Robb would come, that he'd return to life as so many of the people here seemed to have done--not as she had, but as truly living people. This...this was so much worse than a nightmare.

"Robb?" she said, her rough-as-gravel voice as soft as it could be.

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

Mother. That one cut across all planes of thought, through all the fog. Something was wrong, it registered instantly. He knew his mother's voice and what was speaking sounded wrong, and her scent was-- off, somehow, in Grey Wind's nostrils. And the scars... Robb closed his eyes and tried to call up the memory, but it was too vague. Someone had grabbed her, and then his world had gone dark.

He moved towards her, his expression somehow softening even in the wolf's face. If he'd had human eyes, he might have had to blink back tears. He keened softly, reaching out a hand.

[maid-brienne.livejournal.com]

Brienne could only stare in shocked horror at the applicant. "Oh, gods be good," she breathed. "I never would have credited this if I hadn't met Lady Stoneheart."

She considered fleeing the room again, but stood her ground instead, watc hing Robb warily.

((OOC: I just remembered... Don't you mean spoilers are for A Storm of Swords ? Sorry to be needlessly pedantic. :)))

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

Robb's memory of Brienne was vague at best, and he mostly knew her only by name. He'd seen her in the company of his mother but had been understandably distracted at the time, what with fighting a war and such. In this strange place, though, with these strange people, and looking the way he did, any ally was a worthy one.

He hesitated, then shuffled forward slightly and raised a hand to her in greeting.

[starkwhitesnow.livejournal.com]

At first Jon didn't recognize the strange corpse (could it really be called a corpse anymore?) in the sorting room, but quickly realized that the wold head atop it wasn't an ordinary wolf head.

"...Gods above, Grey Wind?," Jon wondered aloud.

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

Jon! His lady mother had told him that Jon was here, so Robb was not surprised to see him, but he was delighted. His eyes brightened and he let out a joyous bark that very nearly sounded like 'Jon!' He started towards his half-brother -- then suddenly stopped, the light in his eyes dimming.

Because Jon was confused. Jon didn't know what had happened. And that... changed things, somehow, for Robb. For the human part of him. He shied back suddenly and turned away with a whimper.

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

Oh, well, that was just disturbing.

He tried to view the poor kid with a critical eye, to keep from showing any kind of strong reaction. The arrow wounds were a bit surprising. Most dead people had come to Hogwarts without signs of whatever trauma had brought them there. Although, if what he'd been hearing was right, there were now dead people, and really dead people. Grant tried not to think of the new person as a "thing," but whatever he was, he probably wasn't among the living.

Grant kept back as a precaution. He was pretty sure that there was more wolf in those answers than human; he knew from experience that wolves with a point to get across could find a way to do it. "Are you hungry?" he asked, keeping his voice calm and level.

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

He'd been asked the question already by some of the others, and now the answer came easy. At first, he'd thought he was; he certainly hadn't eaten anything, and the wolfish part of him was automatically attuned to seeking food at almost all times. But he'd come to realize that in fact he felt no hunger, and after speaking to his lady mother he realized that he had no need to eat. That he would never need to eat again, in fact.

He shook his head at Grant, calm but a little sad.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"Interesting approach, not answering a single question on the application!" the Hat said in a fairly joyful tone as it settled upon Robb's head. It always enjoyed applicants who shook things up a bit.

[awoooo.livejournal.com]

Robb was briefly startled by the appearance of the Hat, but it passed quickly. He'd been warned about it already; besides which, he was surely nearly as shocking himself as a sentient piece of headwear. When the Hat settled on his head, however, he tensed again, and the Hat would feel a brief flare of alarm. Robb wavered for a moment between ripping the thing from his head and succumbing before he opted for the latter. He wanted to leave this room, and apparently placating the Hat was the only way to do so. He could surely still be diplomatic, as a king should be, even in this state.

His thoughts were muddled and confused, half-animal and half-man. How could I answer no voice human words to speak? Smell taste touch answer my questions but not the ones on paper. I used to read, didn't I? When I was Robb. Man. Could have written but not now what is this doing on my head?

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Although I reckon it'd be hilarious to stick you in the house with all the talking cats, I'm a generous hat, and I wouldn't want to break up a family.

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Gryffindor!