Foxxy Love, Drawn Together

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

The front door slams open, to reveal a lovely dark skinned girl, dressed in a red off the shoulder tube top type of thing, and red short shorts, her thong riding up to her hipbones. Cause it's sexy. Not to mention the full luxurious fox tail dangling from her rear, and a red hat with fox ears. It can only be one person-

"Foxy Foxxy Love, y'all!" As she bursts into the sorting room, spinning a couple of times, then striking a sexy pose. "Captain Hero? Waldor? Anybody?" The tail begins to droop as she continues to look around the room, seeing none of the housemates. "What is this y'all? Some kinda trick or somethin'?"

Her eyes scan across the questionaire, as she plays with her tail bervously. "i dunno y'all, i ain't doin' no good at no tests." Much to her surprise, the words are written on the scroll by a moving pen. Which is good, cause Foxxy can't spell.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?Mhmmm, Foxxy Love loves a good solid hunk o'chedda. Mhmm-hmm!"

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?"Oohhh, that do be a hard one! I'da have to go with Barney, cause you just dohn know what kinda evil thing is unda that there suit it could even be a" shudder "Human!"

3. What time is it where you are? "It's always Foxxy time!"

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black. "oooh, hunny, it ain't sexual harassment if'n they enjoy it." At which point she turns towards the camera, her face a model of sadness. "Least, that's what I keep tellin myself."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark. "Foxxys lovin!"

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument. "Why let those poor boys go to the gay, when they could have me, instead? Foxxy Love loves herself some redhaired boys."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it. "Foxy just don't know.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless. "Well, there's my singin, and my lovin, and, well, I'm Foxxy Love!"

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. "Oooh." The girl turns on one foot, studying the room, a sultry smile on her face. "Well, all Foxxy Loves got to give is Foxxy love, and there's plenty of that to go around!

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____FL________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___FL________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers (which Foxxy don't wear) in a bunch. ____FL_______.
One day, Funk will rule the world. _______FL______"

Comments

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"Welllll-elll, what up whitey?" She holds upa gfist for a good power punch. Cause, white men have money, and like to pay bills.

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

"Dinkin' flicka! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darryl_Philbin#Season_2)" Michael replied smoothly. And - ooh, a ghetto punch thingy! Those things were always complicated and had patterns, just as Darryl (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darryl_Philbin) had taught him (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darryl_Philbin#Season_2). Instead of directly meeting Foxxy's fist with his own, Michael held his fist high above his head and started spinning in circles, making three full turns before, now slightly dizzy, he staggered to a stop.

But that was just the beginning. He lowered his hand and swayed from side to side, bobbing his head and doing a really white-boy version of the Waving dance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waving_(dance)). Finally, with a loud "YEAH!", he held out his fist and touched it to Foxxy's.

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

In a later confessional aside, Foxxy can be found to say "This white boy was done screwed up real good. But he still made more sense then Captain Hero." But, here and now, she just does a rather comic eye bug out, her pupils literally the size of dinner plates. "Whacoo doin honkey?"

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

"Honkey!" Michael repeated. "I LOVE it!" She had a nickname for him already! It didn't get more diverse than that! "Wha-CHOO doin', monkey?"

Michael was entirely unaware that "monkey" could possibly be considered (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article678225.ece) a racial slur (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Offensive_terms_per_nationality#African_descent). It rhymed with honkey!

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

Actually, honkey rhymes with donkey, but monkey ryhmes with lunky. But besides that, the word makes her wonder. "Areyou callin me a monkey?"

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

"Yaaaaaaaaaysh," Michael responded, stylizing the simple word "Yes" in a way he thought was downright hilarious. He looked to be on the verge of cracking up.

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"Sha-ZAM!"

KA-WHAM!

Would be the sound of her attempting to hit him.

"I ain't no cmonkey you racist cracker! Evolution is a horrible horrible myth!"

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

Michael jumped back in surprise, but the shocked expression on his face almost immediately turned into a look of recognition. "Cracker! YES! I'm a cracka ass cracka (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cracka+ass+cracka)!" The last three words were said in a high-pitched, heavily accented voice. Clearly, Michael was trying his Chris Rock impersonation again.

Then he quieted down a little bit, holding one arm out to keep Foxxy at bay. "But I~~ am NOT a racist! Racism is very very wrong. I support black women. I like big butts. And I cannot lie." That had to convince Foxxy of Michael's incredibly tolerant outlook.

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

oooh, brother. Did you go the wrong way. "You callin me fat?" The tail is standing up on end, bristling. "Cause, I will take you downtown boy."

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

Yikes, damage control to Major Michael! Now both hands were held up in front of him, and he quickly said, "No, no, I am not calling you fat." Even Michael was not so oblivious as to not know that one. "Yoooouuuuu...are a beautiful nubile-ian woman." He gave her a Look of Significance, proud of his "knowledge" of another word for "black" (http://m-w.com/dictionary/nubian). "But I would like to go downtown." Then, more quietly, "I think."

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

Okay, switching gears here all of a sudden. "Ooh, that what I like about you white boys, always bein all dirty and goin' downtown an' stuff."

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

"Yeah! I'm dirty and...." Wait a minute. "I~~~ am an engaged man." Michael had to make that completely clear, because Tinky Winky was serious biznass!

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

She turns, letting herself entwine against him, grinding justa little bit. "Aww, that ain't never hurt no one."

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

Well, the deflowering part certainly had that potential - to hurt someone, that is. But Tinky Winky would be gentle, so that contingency would be avoided.

Michael backed up, attempting to hold Foxxy at bay. "Yeaaaaaahhhh, I...." Oh, wait, he had a great excuse to end this, because frankly, Foxxy was scaring him. "We can't do this, because I want you to come work for Dunder-Mifflin, and we can't have a workplace relationship, because Corporate won't allow it," he said quickly, all in one breath.

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"But I already gots me a job." She winks at him. "I'm a big time singer."

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

Michael waved a hand dismissively. "And Pam draws and Kevin is in that lame band. I won't let the creative arts stop ANybody from becoming a part of the Dunder-Mifflin family. Come on, you'll be GREAT in Accounting." Michael's Accounting department was basically non-existent, and anyway, black people liked Accounting. Or at least, Stanley did, and that was close enough.

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"Whadda I gotta account for?"

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

"Money and diversity," Michael answered assuredly.

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"I put the money in my pocket, right?" Causes thats where she needs it.

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

"Aaaaaactually, you put it in direct deposit." Foxxy's shorts didn't look like they had much in the way of pockets, anyway - or material in general, for that matter.

[lalalabia.livejournal.com]

"I could keep it in my cooch, it be real safe there!" Cut to later, in the confessional "Well, maybe not. There shore are a lot of people who go in and out of there."

Vote: Slytherin

[office-michael.livejournal.com]

(( *so, so ded!* ))

"That's guh-REAAAAAAAAAT!" Michael had no idea what a cooch was, but it sounded like a purse or something...right? He certainly didn't want to let on that he was unaware of this clearly ebonical term, so it was easiest just to agree. "Sounds geeeeuuuuuud! So you are now our new Accounting Manager. Which means...you're hired!" He put on his best Donald Trump interpretation, hand motion and all. "You're HIGH-uhd! And you should live in Slytherin with the rest of us Dunderheads."

Accordingly, he voted her there.