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[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

*A rat skeleton in a hood walks through a wall. It seems to be bringing a skull with it. The rat opens up the hinge of its jaw and proceeds to say:* SQUEAK.

Hello, this is the skull of Quoth. I’m probably off entertaining some bumbling fool for the fortune-teller right now, so…er…

*hits the skull with its bony paw*…SQUEAK.

All right, all right, you know I’m not getting paid for this, what did you expect? I’m a Raven, Quoth, (yes, yes, quite a clever man my master is, when every two or three years he can manage to muster to think). I’ve got a bit of wire in this skull and one in my own, and the thaumic goolgeydoo keeps it together. I shall translate humbly translate from Rat to Person, seeing as Death of Rats here isn’t keen on people, what with being an cuddlier version of the Big One and all.

*satisfied* SQUEAK.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

SQUEAK! *grins, though how one can tell when the face is a skull is beyond comprension* *begins to run excitedly*

Um, I’m getting a lot from this, but suffice it to say that he’s a rat, he’ll like any kind of cheese you put in front of him. He’s not quite picky, as the whole being an anthropomorphic representation of Death’s sidekick kills the tastebuds. … No, absolutely not, I will not say that!

SQUEAK. *begins to raise scythe above skull*

*Tele-skull cringes.*...Fine, he says it’s all…gouda to him. *grumbles* You Deaths pick up the weirdest senses of humor.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

*rubs paws together* SQUEAK, SQUEAK.

He says: all in good time, friends, and then we will have them set equal on the field of the eternal. I think there was a cackle in there, too.
…

Personally, I think this is the part he enjoys a bit too much about his job.

3. What time is it where you are?

SQUEAK.

He lives outside of time, what with being the fuzzy side of DEATH. Though here it's about 3.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

*ponders* SQUEAK.

He says the Order can be free from harassment, as long as he gets “that bloody cat.”

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

…SQUEAK?

…I’m not even going to go into the puns with cheese, Swiss and holes. I’m not paid NEARLY enough for this, which is at all.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

*hums to self, if a rat can hum* SQUEAK.

He says something about belonging only to a dragon…? I think he’s mixing up his pantheons, himself, which would upset the Goddess of Things Stuck in Drawers. She *likes* him, you know. Can get to all the tucked-away corners of drawers...

*looks around shiftily*…SQUEAK?

Ah, yes, I meant the inside of *the furniture*. Totally unrelated to those frilly things that ladies wear. Which she doesn’t. I mean, I don’t *know* if she does or not, because certainly Death of Rats here would not have told me.

*pawface* SQUEAK.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

*takes out mini-scythe *
*swipes at paperwork*
*paperwork is severed and destroyed, leaving shades*
*the shades of many a Word document go to the great beyond*

*is suddenly very, very aware that Death of Rats knows where he lives* Oh, clever use of the scythe, there.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

*sighs* SQUEAK?

Ahem. “Well, I can destroy paperwork for you, I can walk through walls, I can ignore the rules of time and space, what more do you people bloody want? A cookie?”

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.

*covertly, pulling things out of his robe pocket* SQUEAK?

Well, he’s got the location of the buried offering to Offler (of a sum of a few hundred thousand Anhk-Morpork dollars), a pair of *whispers* goddess’s underthings *speaks normally* and a few cookies. And a bit of cheese.

*er* SQUEAK. *puts cheese away*

What do you mean "that was for laters”?

Comments

[redheadshizuka.livejournal.com]

You are SO CUTE! I think you should be in Hufflepuff! :)

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

SQUEAK? *winks*

"Are you sure you wouldn't mind a rodent underfoot?"

I'd be careful if I were you. He's just found out how to flirt.

[friendofkittens.livejournal.com]

I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU TWO WOULD SHOW UP.

I QUITE LIKED THE BAR NAME, BUT I THINK YOU BELONG WITH ME IN HUFFLEPUFF.

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

SQUEAK.

He says lovely to see you too, sir, though you wouldn't be needing me for translation, as you understand, being Death and all, sir, yes, no translation needed, and Hufflepuff works just fine, yes sir. *clears throat*

((OOC:Sorry, schoolwork got in the way of making this timely))

[teatimeassassin.livejournal.com]

Hi, I'm Teatime!

!!! Oh, you certainly belong in Hufflepuff. Where IS the buried offering, anyways?

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

*covertly* SQUEAK?

"Ever seen the cabage field with the huge lump in it that looks suspiciously like a chest? It's Rimward from Anhk. Though I think there's something involving a golem around it."

...you NEVER tell me this stuff! Why, I could be rich, if I had thumbs to grasp a shovel!

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

...I wonder if-

Okay, nevermind.

So, what's the bar name? I'm inclined towards Hufflepuff as well.

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

SQUEAK.

"The Swiss Cheesecake's Hole-In-The-Wall". How charming. Dear gods, I bet they serve drinks like Screaming Orgasms in there.

...Not that I'd know, of course.

[persofanservice.livejournal.com]

Awww! Shizuka-san is right, Deaht-Mouse is cute! (She gets on her hands and knees, to get a better view of Death-Mouse) Chii will vote you into Hufflepuff, as Death-Mouse knows DEATH. It would not be right to split people up like that.

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

SQUEAK. *snarfs cupcakes*

He very much appreciates the delicious muffins, et cetera, et cetera, you are too kind, and so on, lovely to have housemates with delicious cupcake-making powers, and won't you excuse him as he partakes in them.

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

Hey. Haven't seen you before. But seeing as you've got pretty much the same qualities as Big Death, then you ought to be in Hufflepuff, too.

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

SQUEAK, SQUEAK.

It's hard being an avatar of the anthropomorphic representation of Death, especially when it comes to having your own personality. We'd be quite happy to be in Hufflepuff, as long as there are a few less gods, demigods, quasigods, and minions. I'd hate to see him in a room full of them. They bring out the worst in him: his pickup lines.

Hufflepuff

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

*Speaks with as much dignity as she can muster, seeing as she is standing on a chair on the other side of the room.*

I- I see. Quite an interesting candidate. Yes, I must agree with my classmates and professors. You are quite the Hufflepuff, through and through. The only house I could not see you in is Ravenclaw. It is simply... not for you. Completely unsuitable. *Twists her handkerchief. Serial killers she can handle, especially the polite ones. Volatile gods can actually throw the best dinner-parties. But rats! They are the natural enemies of the 19th century lady. That and tuberculosis.*

Re: Hufflepuff

[cpt-pierce.livejournal.com]

Don't be scared, Emma. He looks friendly!

And Hufflepuff, yeah.

[puppydog-eyes.livejournal.com]

Hufflepuff, since that's where the other Death is, I guess. It makes sense, to me. ^^

[the-lady-door.livejournal.com]

Oh, you're so cute! *smiles* Hufflepuff.

[reallymydear.livejournal.com]

Oh, er, I didn't know Death had branched into, er.... anthropomorphic rodents. But you seem like a nice enough fellow. Rat. So I think I'll vote Hufflepuff.

[5000yearold.livejournal.com]

I'm rather content not having other variations of Death in my House. To Hufflepuff with thee.

[othertrace-puu.livejournal.com]

PUU? *Holds up picket-sign reading Hufflepuff*

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

SQUEAK.

You two will get on well. I'm winking at you. You can't see it, but I am.

[oldoneofrlyeh.livejournal.com]

So Death has outbranched into rat incarnations? Fascinating. Hufflepuff.

[eidolonfaery.livejournal.com]

*is standing on the chair with Miss Woodhouse*

Hufflepuff for you!

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

*Rests her hands on Eiko's shoulders to prevent her from falling*

You show good sense regarding cleanliness, Little Eiko. I am proud of you.

Oh yes, and I have had Jane Featherfax fly you over a copy of "A Little Pretty Pocket-Book", the first two books of "Gulliver's Travels" (in the latter two the author grows a bit too cracked for my liking), and a book on King Arthur. I do hope you enjoy them; as soon as our newest candidate leaves, we can safely step off this chair and retrieve them, hmmm?

[green-n-buttery.livejournal.com]

Hufflepuff. Hey, you're kinda cute, aren't you? ::holds out his hand, offering to pick up Death of Rats::

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

SQUEAK. *looks rather murderous*

I think that would only be an option if your hand is of little use to you. Otherwise, go ahead.

[catremistrae.livejournal.com]

Hufflepuff. Forgive me for asking, but could I take a closer look at your bones?

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

*shrugs* SQUEAK.

He's all for scientific inquiry. Just don't look into the eyes too long, won't you? I did that once and they had to make me drink river water to snap out of my week-long coma.

[catremistrae.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *bends down and pokes at the Death of Rats* Fascinating.

[unforetold.livejournal.com]

I've read of you. It's an honour. I would be delighted to have you join me in Hufflepuff, and believe it would be a fitting house for you aside.

[csi-sara.livejournal.com]

You're so cute I don't even want to dissect you.

Hufflepuff.

[researcher42.livejournal.com]

You're so cute I don't even want to dissect you.

That is high praise indeed. May be the nicest thing you've ever said. *teases*

[nemofound.livejournal.com]

Are you Death for just rats, or for other little cute things too?

I haven't met your otherself yet, but you seem like the Slytherin sort of scary to me.

((OOCnote: But perhaps allow him the password to Hufflepuff House so he could still access his otherself? Assuming Deaths need passwords. Which admittedly they might not.))

[nemofound.livejournal.com]

(OOC-P.S. Much love for Death of Rats, and for the LJ-name you chose.))

[mistressshirley.livejournal.com]

Oh, I do think the Ravenclaw house would be most fitting. It is naught but a guess, but I would think that a great number of small creatures pass on at the deft hands of the... geniuses contained therin. Moreso than other houses, in any case. I believe your services will be required there in greater abundance than elsewhere in the school.

[dr-john-watson.livejournal.com]

Well, considering that DEATH is in Hufflepuff already, perhaps it would be the best House in which to place you. But, oh dear... what would you prefer?

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

SQUEAK.

He'd like to be by his larger avatar. I, being of complete dispassion, would like to say that I would appreciate anywhere you put me as long as only this skull is what is present of me. Death doesn't scare me, though, it's, er, I need space.

[late-born-myth.livejournal.com]

*blinks, then begins to smile hugely.* Oh, my. I wish Hades could see you two. I can only imagine the raised eyebrows. Especially with the "goddess's underthings." From the goddess of...well, I suppose there might be a deity of Things Stuck In Drawers, given the emotional reactions people sometimes have. Though I would've thought Hestia...I wonder if there's a god of Traffic Jams or Stubbed Toes?

*kneels, and extends index finger for Quoth and Death of Rats to shake* Anyway, it's a pleasure to meet you both. People seem to be putting you in Hufflepuff with the...larger Death, would you like me to do the same?

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

*Death of Rats manages to shake just fine, but the enchanted skull has more difficulty.*

SQUEAK.

He seems a bit partial to staying by the bigger Death, so they could be without glands together. There's so few of those, you know.

[chaos-creator.livejournal.com]

Oh I do like you. I'd like a few of those "underthings" - but only if they're clean and tasteful. What? Don't look at me like that. I have no qualms giving my wife other goddesses underwear for Valentine's Day.

*offers cheese and a vote for Hufflepuff*

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

*Death of Rats accepts cheese*

*proffers said underthings*

...SQUEAK?

Are spoon-and-whisk motifs tasteful enough? And they're very clean. He made replicas of the real goddess's underthings to hold on to. I'm not sure he understands the point of having them. Not having glands severely impairs him in these things.

[king-bakura.livejournal.com]

*blinks and stares; more unsure about this place as days go on*

I think you'll be the last one I vote on for now. *Hard to think with other things on his mind*

Hufflepuff.