Doug Murphy ; Scrubs

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

((All of the Scrubs muns have approved, so I unleash Doug into the wild! Also, italicized words are his written responses :D))

Flashes of light didn't normally occur with people, did they? Well, sure, that had happened to Doug before, usually after he had his picture taken or something, when you... hee, when you got those purple dots behind your eyes that made you bump into things? And he'd always told his mom that they'd looked liked fluffy pom-poms, like the ones he put on those collages he made in second grade. Good times, second grade. But this wasn't those light flashes! This was... actually light flash! Like... lightning.

Oh, God, did he get struck by lightning? He really hoped he hadn't gotten struck by lightning. ...How lightning would have occurred in the middle of an elevator in the middle of Sacred Heart Hospital, the thought hadn't occurred to him, but he was pretty sure it could happen. Somehow. ...Man.

As it were, he was standing stock still in the middle of the sorting room, frozen in place and hugging a body bag to him for dear life (hah! Get it!? Pun!). His eyes were wide and completely overflowing with terror. ...No, almost literally. He was on the brink of tears.

When Doug finally did manage to break out of his temporary, rigor mortis-like stance, his eyes landed on a table. Of paper. "Okay, Doug," he mumbled to himself, hugging the body bag tighter to himself, like it was something that sucked out terror. Like a teddy bear. A big, dead, teddy bear. "You can do this," he continued his self-motivational speech in a stern voice under his breath, giving a decisive nod and dropping the bag unceremoniously onto the table beside the papers. To inspect, of course.

An application? Could this be a good thing? Maybe the flash had been a... a teleporter! And he was getting a new job opportunity! Only... Oh, no. They'd taught everyone how to write applications in school, back in seventh grade, but he'd never been very good at such. They made him nervous (but then again, what didn't?) and he always ended up totally failing at them. Dang it. He kept repeating, 'okay' to himself, grabbing at the... pen? Feather? How did you write with a feather? After a few testy scribbles, nothing was written on the page, and he was starting to panic. How could he write anything if he didn't have a pen!?

Wait! His fanny pack!

And everyone at work mocked him for wearing something so very 1987. Boy, would he show them.


1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Cheese? ...Cheese! Hey, he knew cheese! He thought there was going to be scary questions about... references, and past experience! Man! This was way better! Whew. Maybe this application thing wasn't going to be as bad as he initially thought...

I like mozzarella, he scrawled happily, in his neat, precise handwriting. It's yummy and it tastes good on homemade pizza!

And then paused, gnawing on the end of his pen for a moment before he drew a smiley face for good measure. Maybe if he was nice and friendly, whoever was going to read this thing later wouldn't treat him like... well, Doug.


2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Kill? ...Oh, God! He wasn't going to kill anyone! It had been bad enough at the hospital when he'd done it on accident. No, really, visions of ex-patients saying, 'You killed me!' in strange, wobbly, ghost-y voices haunted his dreams. Like, every night. But killing someone on purpose? No way. No sir.

I like Carrot Top! He's funny!

He chewed on his lip, analytically. He'd have to answer this, wouldn't he? If he didn't, they'd get mad at him. Er, these currently non-existent application people. And all his good work would go to waste, that one question he answered...! He'd answered that question pretty good! All right, all right.

...Barney. ...Dinosaurs are scary.


3. What time is it where you are?

It is OH GOD, MY WATCH DOESN'T WORK ANY MORE. I THINK I BROKE IT.


4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them?

After his lack of suaveness on the last question, and the fact that he had... just scrawled out his terror with panicked eyes without even realizing he was writing, he just moved onto the next question. Scribbling it out would make the paper ugly, and, well, maybe they wouldn't pay much attention to the Harry Potter-nesscapitals.

This question wasn't exactly all that much better, though. Murder? Sexual harassment? What kind of scary place was this? It already looked like a dungeon, and now he was answering an application that was talking about practically every sin under the sun...! All it had to do was mention alcohol and, well! All he wrote was, Sexual harassment isn't good either! and hesitated before he moved onto the next question. It was the same problem with the killing question. If he didn't answer, his application might not be accepted...!

LilyPotterIsKindOfPrettyIGuessIDon'tKnowTheEnd.


5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Gah! There it was! The drinking!

Uh, I probably shouldn't go to too many bars. People get set on fire I end up hitting them with I get really, really drunk.


B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Harry? George? Fred? Who were these people? Harry Houdini? George Harrison? Drop Dead Fred? Or maybe Harrison Ford, and Harry was a nickname? George Clooney? Freddie Prinze Jr.? Heh. Scooby Doo was a good movie.

Er.

My mom said that homosexuality is against the Lord. Or... Jesus. Or something. But, you know, she had a wine cooler while she said that and she gets kind of giggly when she has wine coolers. ...And I met this guy once and he said he was gay and he was pretty cool - he even gave me a cookie! And... Ian McKellen's gay! And he's Gandalf! So... they ARE good! Go you, Houdini! You get your 'Beatle' and your 'Queen'!


C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

Oh, boy, you know, I'll help you with that. ...Me and Ted get asked to go through paperwork a lot. Because it's important...!


D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Useless? That wasn't the first time he'd heard that. Along with 'stupid', 'incompetent', 'skittish' and 'a nervous wreck', amongst other colorful descriptions. And some of them might have been true, yes, and he may or may not have messed up a few times through his residency at the hospital. ...All three years of it. But he wasn't useless! Especially with his job in Pathology, or working with the morgue! He was danged useful!

Uh. I did a lot of stuff in college, you know. And finished near the bottom of my classgraduated! ...I can tell you how people died. ...I'm a good coroner. I have some deaths named after me! That's kind of... cool!

There's other stuff. Give me a minute. I'll think of it.

*Written a few moments later.*
BIKES. I CAN BIKE. REAL WELL.


6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.

A bribe? Oh, boy. He didn't have much in the way of a bribe. He glanced around, briefly, checking inside his fanny pack and counting out...

I have... five dollars and sixty-seven cents... and a rubber band, and my pager, a cherry-flavored lolli-

"Oh! I'm a really good cyclist!" he announced to nobody in particular, and when he noticed that nobody was, in fact, around, he scribbled the fact after the 'useless' question, tongue between his teeth.

-pop, and... a currently-occupied body bag.

There. That may work!



I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Douglas Murphy.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Douglas Murphy
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. You know, that was just a rumor in high school, but Douglas Murphy.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ...Will it? ...Marmalade is scary. If it ruled the world, anyway, it would be. ...Douglas Murphy.

Comments

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

Okay. Whew! He looked considerably more relieved at that, his shoulders slumping down and his head hanging for a few short seconds. "All right, cool," he replied decisively, running his fingers through his hair.

"Oh, God! Sorry!" he added in a distressed voice afterwards, offering his hand to shake. "I am... Doug! Doug Murphy! Sorry about th.. HI. Nice to meet you, Mel!"

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

'Doug. Cool name!' she replies airily, smiling, taking his hand and shaking it briskly. 'Nice to meet you too. Do you want to sit down, or anything? 'Cause you still look a bit het up.'

And you don't know the half of it yet, boy.

'There are a few things about Hogwarts that make it different to other places, you see...'

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

Oh, man! She was nice. "Uh... yeah!" he replied, glancing around and grabbing a conveniently located chair by the table. He pulled it over and sat. Then paused, and, "Do YOU want a chair? I mean. Sitting's better than standing, right?" And now she was towering over him and it made him a bit nervous.

"Different?" Well... YEAH, it was a CASTLE. How cool was THAT?

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

Mel almost pats his head. She hoists herself up on the table, swinging her legs freely as she debates how to tell him.

'Well, seeing as you work with dead people, you shouldn't find it a problem that, um, some people here are, technically, dead. Like me, for example,' she says bluntly, feeling a bit silly. Nobody looks LESS dead than Melanie Beeby.

Realising her hand was making its way over to play with the zip on the body bag, she puts it back in her lap and watches for his reaction. Quite eagerly, truth be told. Bad angel. No biscuit. It's for science! Oh, alright then.

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

...Wait. Doug looked at the floor, frowning and looking so, so very confused. "You're... dead..." he replied slowly, finger pointing absent-mindedly to her as he continued to stare at the floor, as if that had the answer. He finally did allow himself to look back upwards, eyebrows knitted in questioning.

"You don't look dead," he finally added, just as hesitantly, tilting his head a bit. And she didn't. Because dead people didn't tend to move. Except for those ones in the morgue. He shuddered a bit at the memory. Those were out to get him. Those jumped off the shelves to attack him and break both his feet.

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

'I may not look it, but I totally am,' she starts eagerly. 'I got hit by a car when I was thirteen.'

She changes her tone a bit, colouring slightly. More soberly, 'See, um, I went to Heaven. So...I'm not really a human anymore, if that makes sense. But I'm not evil or a zombie or, ugh, something that enjoys drinking blood or anything. But it's completely normal for Hogwarts to have people that are, like, technically dead! So don't worry about it, Doug.'

She flashes him off one of her sparkling smiles. They fix everything! They even got her an audience with Nero. OK, erm, bad example.

'And the second big thing is that this school is a magic school. Not card tricks and stuff--real, wand, Latin-spells magic.'

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

"You were hit by a car?!" Doug asked loudly, incredulously, his eyes jumping open. Wow, this was too much for him to handle.

And then she went to heaven.. Did that mean she was an angel? No wonder she was so beautiful! "Are you an angel?" he repeated his thoughts aloud, eyes widening even moreso. "Like, a real live angel?" He was talking to an angel?! To anybody else, this probably would have sounded incredibly far-fetched, but Doug was so gullible that Mel could have said they were in the land of the unicorns and he would have believed her.

That smile was pretty. Really pretty. He couldn't help but swoon a bit at that, giving a slow, dorky smile that paused once she brought up magic. Heh. Speaking of unicorns. He was in. ...This was. "Ma...?" he started to repeat aloud, and, you know, did faint anyways. He slumped back in the chair, eyes rolling back into his head as all of his limbs went slack.

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

It's a good thing Doug couldn't hear his angel then. Angels don't know such colourful swearwords.

About to tell him yes, hit by a stolen car, yes, she was an angel--a real live one--she looks more like a proper one to small kids--she curses, and leaps off the table.

OK, well, at least he's sitting down. Mel summons healing vibes and sends them at Doug, hoping the light green vibes will do some good, like gentle smelling salts.

Poor bloke. But hey, she's pulled.

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

It did do some good. Doug jumped up a bit as he vibes wafted over him, looking alarmed for a moment before he settled back into the chair. What the...

"Did I go out a minute?" he asked confusedly, rubbing at his head and glancing around. Whoa. It was that pretty girl again. ...Was this a dream?

He looked so confused about this whole situation. One minute, he's carrying a dead person. The next, he's in a castle. The next, it's a magic one and he's fainting! Jeeper's crow.

Vote: Hufflepuff

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

'I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't have told you so suddenly,' Mel says thoughtfully. 'But I'm not so good with the whole tact thing. You fainted, babe. Tell you what; I'm gonna vote you into Hufflepuff.'

It sounds fluffy. Something soft is exactly what Doug needs.

'Don't worry!' she says again. 'It's confusing for most people, but you get used to it.'

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

Rubbing at his face, still confused, Doug actually managed to look a bit relaxed at the 'Hufflepuff' thing. Well, that actually sounded pretty nice. Cozy, even. Like a kids show or something. Huh.

"It..." He cleared his throat, grabbing at the seat of the chair and staring at the floor again, as if willing to get himself to come to terms with this. "I. Am in. A magical. SCHOOL."

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

'You are, Doug,' Mel says, grinning. Attaboy. 'It's a bit confusing at first, but I SWEAR you will get used to it. It's safe, you can't die here (unless you're already dead), the hospital wing is staffed by VERY competent doctors, JD's about the same age as you and he's a nice guy, he'll always help you...it's gonna be totally luminous, babe!'

Mel might have fallen a bit in love with him. Because he's adorable and needs to be kept safe at all costs.

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

People didn't die? Did that mean... Doug glanced back to the body bag, slightly paranoid, as if he expected the thing to stand and start walking on its own. Zombies! Oh God! Not zombies! He clutched at his head a bit, eyes widening again. "Zombies are scary," he repeated flatly to himself, in a voice that wavered with how anxious it was.

Wait. JD? That was two people that knew JD! "I know JD!" he announced to Mel, releasing his head and looking back to her, excitedly.

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

Mel follows his gaze, and replies to his little anxious voiced nerves.

'No zombies, Doug.'

She hasn't met UnCat.

Happier to move onto better subjects, 'Yeah? Omigosh, are you two, like, at the same hospital? How cosmic!'

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank God. Doug looked relieved again, grabbing at the front of his shirt and letting out a long exhale. Dead people should be dead.

Brightening at the subject of JD, though, and resembling a teenage fangirl even though he really actually wasn't one, at all, at least not with JD, Doug grinned widely. "Yeah! Well, we were. Until. This weird castle came along, I suppose."

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

Mel watches him with interest. Maybe she should get him a spray bottle or something. Or some anti-stress---hang on.

Mel starts rifling in her pocket and holds out some Rescue Remedy. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rescue_remedy) It's useful at times. Angels get stressy too!

'I know you're meant to be bribing me, but...I think you might need this slightly more,' she says, smiling. 'The castle never stops being weird.'

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

Hmm, he was supposed to be bribing her. And he looked a bit confused as she handed him the remedy, inspecting it over and cocking his head at her, like some kind of lost puppy.

"What is it?" he asked lamely, furrowing his eyebrows. Whatever it was, it looks like it promised to be neat.

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

The mun will now stop sniggering at the dirty implications that put in her head and will remind herself that her pup has a boyfriend.

'Rescue Remedy. It calms you down,' she says. 'It always works for me. It has stuff to treat anxiety in there.'

Mel has no idea it's apparently nothing more than a placebo effect.

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

And this mun will now note that Mel's mun is a dirty, dirty girl and needs not corrupt Doug, thank you very much.

It would calm him down, though? Like... Chamomile or something? His mom always used to give him chamomile when he was younger and he had panic attacks... "That's... so cool!" he replied with a wide grin, glancing up to Mel again.

[totallyluminous.livejournal.com]

The mun is very sorry and will concentrate on her essay and not corrupt anyone, she promises.

Wow, OK, getting a little tired with the inherent coolness of everything. Mel grins again. 'Hey, it's useful. Listen--I'll see you around, yeah? You can owl me if you want.'

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

Essays are a good thing to finish, and this mun will let Mel's mun go do so, heh.

Owls were not even a concept Doug was going to even BEGIN to grasp, and he just gave a sort of dazed nod, smiling appreciatively (and maybe slightly giddily, because you know he has a huge crush on her now). "Yeah! Okay! I'll.. I'll see you!"