Hi! I'm Nemo! Will you be my friend?

[nemofound.livejournal.com]

*An aquarium - a nice big one with plastic scenery and an automatic filtering system - suddenly appears in the sorting room. A small orange and white fish swims to the side of the tank nearest the Sorting Hat. His left fin waves enthusiastically, while his smaller right fin wiggles in a faint mimic of the left.*

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

What's cheese? Is it a kind of seaweed? I think that's the stuff the dentist used to eat on his sandwiches - the yellow stuff. No, it doesn't look much like seaweed. I like to eat plankton. And the leftovers after when the am-a-a-anem-no-ne I live in finishes eating. (When I'm not visiting here, I live in an an-am-enno-me. With my dad.)

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Barney's a dinosaur, right? That's like a sea turtle, isn't it? Sea turtles are my friends! From the EAC! I'm not gonna kill someone who’s like them! And Carrottop is orange. Like me. That wouldn't be nice either, to kill him.

3. What time is it where you are?

Time for SCHOOL! It's time for SCHOOL!

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Um ... I don't understand the question. Is this a grown-up question? I'm just a little fish still! … I could ask my dad about it, I guess.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

I don't know what a bar is, but if it's dark, it's probably scary, right? And the scariest name I know is Wanna-hocka-loogi. So that's what I'd call it. But … I’d really rather not end up somewhere scary.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

I dunno … my dad told me that when fish get married, one of the fish getting married is a girl, so she can lay eggs and be the mommy. But, I don’t have a mommy, ‘cuz she died. But Gill was kind of like another dad for me, even though he never met my real dad. So I guess if Harry’s kids’ mommy died, he might want them to have another dad instead, if they couldn’t have a mommy. So Harry should pick whichever one would make the best other dad. Because kids need dads, to teach them how to be strong an’ brave an’ how not to be scared.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

What’s paperwork? Is that the fluttery stuff the dentist had in the files he’d pull out for the patients? He had it all in special files with the patients’ names on them. Maybe if you did that, it would work better.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Oh, I’m not useless! I was the only one small enough to get into the filter and toss a pebble into it so the tank would get dirty and I could help my friends escape. And I did it! I was scared, REALLY scared, especially when I thought the filter was going to swallow me up, but I did it! And then, when the other fish got caught in the big net, I did what my friends in the tank taught me! I got everybody to swim down, and we did, and we all got free. And I did it! I knew I could do it! Even though I have a little fin! My dad always tells me that I’m really special and he loves me!

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

You could come to school with me! Mr. Ray is our teacher and he’s REALLY nice. Maybe you could come on our field trip to the EAC to meet the sea turtles! And then, once we got home, my dad would tell you stories – he has the best stories, all about how he got past these huge sharks and a giant monster and a whole bay full of jellyfish, all to bring me home!

Comments

[nemofound.livejournal.com]

((ooc: I'll admit, I'm not familiar with Faith's canonverse, but I did figure as much ;-). ))

Maybe we could put a magic protection-thingy around my aquarium? Or maybe somebody like Charlie, could ... um, what do you call it? Keep a Secret about me?

Or maybe ... isn't there somebody here who might know how to make me look like Somebody Else's Problem to people who want to eat me?