Application: Peter Griffin (Family Guy)

[thatfamilyguy.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I don't eat cheese. Not after that creepy Cheese Guy I had in the room next to mine one time. I don't know what the hell his problem was.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Barney! I want to know who decided to let a purple dinosaur hang out with little kids all day. I mean, come on, don't you see what he's doing?! He's totally got an all you can eat buffet to himself.

3. What time is it where you are?
Drinking time! Lois, I'm going to the Clam with the guys!

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Hahahahahahaha. You said 'ass'!

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Hahahahaha, it's like the show Cheers.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Whoa, are you trying to say I'm gay?! Cause I'm not. I totally have some kids. Their names are Chris, Stewie, and....crap, what was the name of that other one? Brian? Yeaaah, that sounds familiar.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
If by 'paperwork' you mean hot naked ladies, and by 'disposed' you mean having sex with', then that is freakin' sweet!

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I made a water slide in the house!

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I'll give you my daughter, how's that? Meg, get over here! Howabout this, I'll throw in a free toaster.

In conjunction with posting your character's application, you must include the following statement, replacing the blanks with your initials (or your Net handle, or your character's initials, or anyone's initials!) after each sentence to indicate that you have read our rules and agree to abide by them:

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Peter
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Peter.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Peter (Hehehe, knickers).
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Peter"

Comments

[squinty-tempe.livejournal.com]

Well, this was an applicant of... dubious character. Brennan glanced the page over, eyes flickering warily to the rather obese man in front of her. With a clearing of her throat, she finally set it down, not entirely sure how to answer to this.

"You would willingly sacrifice a daughter whom, moments before, did not even appear with a name to you?" she asked automatically, bracing herself and putting her hands on her hips, clearly transforming into rant mode. "It seems to me, Mr. Griffin, that your lax parenting skills can be seen as thoroughly questionable, if not to say the least. I'm not entirely sure where your priorities stand here, in this situation. You seem to pride... drinking and toasters and water slides over this daughter of yours. You don't find that alarming in the slightest?" Her arms moved to folded, and her eyebrows knitted in concern.

"Why would you come to a school such as this when your children need you back homes? What are your motives for coming here? What do you plan on doing once you're accepted? Have you thought this decision through in the least? One toaster isn't going to supply this school, you know. What else do you plan on using for a bribe? And furthermore, who is this 'Cheese Guy' you've spoken of? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with him."

Moderation, of course, was key.

[every-daae.livejournal.com]

*wide-eyed stare* You'd give away your own daughter, Monsieur?

Vote: Sparklypoo

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

Since I can't help but agree with your sentiments about Barney, I'll be merciful and not squib you. Sparklypoo. You'll like it. All the "hot babes" are there. *big evil grin*

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

Why did you put a water slide in the house?

[carri3-whit3.livejournal.com]

...What's your wife like? Lois, right?

Vote squib

[wobblingmolly.livejournal.com]

*glares, hands on her hips*

You would offer your daughter, whose name you apparently can't remember, as a sorting bribe? I know it's terrible manners, but I'm really tempted to hex you into next Tuesday. I won't though because you sort of remind me of my husband, in a strange way.

[misskagura.livejournal.com]

Kagura shot the new guy a strange look. "You're... not too bright, are ya?"

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

I reckon it's for the best if you keep your daughter, but could I have the toaster? I'd like to charm it to fly.

[violet-veracity.livejournal.com]

Violet looked disbelievingly at the guy. "Um...I don't know much about the rules of this place, but I don't think using your daughter as a Sorting bribe is allowed. Or, you know, ethical."

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Now, what sort of use would I have for your daughter? Honestly, I've got far too many weirdos running around this school to want one of my own! Don't you have something else to offer? Like...do you bake? Or own any weaponry?

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

(( Is Peter still with us? ))

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

My, my, and suddenly you go quiet! Well, that's okay. As a wise man (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homer_Simpson) once said, "When you're too damn stupid to know what to do, just keep your fool mouth shut!"

In fact...I think I'll go ahead and Sort you where that man lives. I think you'll get along quite well!

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Hufflepuff!