Owls to Brenda Johnson, Dale Cooper, Alan Grant, Lily Evans, and Mr. Darcy

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Several owls go out, unusually well-behaved and seemingly more content about their work than one might usually expect. The letters attached are written in an almost painfully precise copperplate hand, conscientiously inked not on parchment, but on Canadian Consulate letterhead.


Deputy Chief Johnson,

I'm writing to let you know that I've been Sorted -- into Gryffindor, specifically -- and will be available from here on out for whatever you might need. I believe I promised you a few thrilling tales of chases across the Yukon; just say the word. I'll also be looking forward to that fried chicken of yours, of course.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser
Royal Canadian Mounted Police



Agent Cooper,

I'm writing to let you know that I've just been Sorted, and am now free to pursue my investigations. If you don't mind, I would very much like to meet with you at your earliest convenience. Several things you said during my Sorting piqued my interest. Moreover, I feel it is imperative to know as much as I can about my surroundings before I attempt to undertake any sort of an investigation, lest I accidentally misinterpret anything.

Additionally, I started to hear a little bit about your investigation, and I find myself rather curious. If you can share any information about your case, I would be very interested to hear about it. If I can help in any way, I volunteer my services in return.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser
Royal Canadian Mounted Police



Dr. Grant,

I'm writing to thank you again for the most kind offer you made to me during my Sorting, and to let you know that I am now at liberty to take you up on it. I would especially be interested in touring your facilities and getting a look at some of the local fauna that you have here. Please let me know when you might be available, and if there's anything I can do for you in return please don't hesitate to ask.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser
Royal Canadian Mounted Police



Mrs. Evans,

I'm writing to inform you that I've now been Sorted, and am completely at your service for whatever you might need. If you wish to discuss your friend further, or any other thing I might assist you with, please don't hesitate to contact me at my quarters in Gryffindor.

I would also like to thank you properly for the tea; it was delicious. You must be a very skilled Witch.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser
Royal Canadian Mounted Police



Mr. Darcy,

I am writing to you to let you know that I am now Sorted, and will be available from now on for whenever you should need me for the services I promised you. I must admit, I'm very much looking forward to this experiment of yours; it sounds most fascinating. Let me know when you'll be going forward with it.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser
Royal Canadian Mounted Police

Comments

memo, by owl, to Constable Fraser

[damnfinecupof.livejournal.com]

TO: Constable Fraser, RCMP
FROM: Special Agent Cooper, FBI
RE: Investigation at Hogwarts

Fraser, you've landed in the hornet's nest by coming here. Either that, or flown over the cuckoo's nest. At present the school's swarming with face-eating talking cats. Try as I might, I can't crack the case. Your expert assistance would be much valued.

With Mr. Butlertron out of commission, the safety of Hogwarts is up to us.

return owl to Agent Cooper

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Agent Cooper,

My apologies, but I'm not entirely sure I understand your terminology. 'Flown over the cuckoo's nest' is, I assume, a reference to the Ken Kesey book and the film of the same name; however, I'm afraid I'm a little behind on the local 'lingo.' Would you mind expanding upon 'hornet's nest' and 'face-eating talking cats?' Also, who is this Mr. Butlertron?

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP

[damnfinecupof.livejournal.com]

TO: Constable Fraser, RCMP
FROM: Special Agent Cooper, FBI
RE: CATS

If you're not talking about the face-eating cats, what investigation do you mean? I've conducted a few in my time here. Please elaborate. Anything you may have heard from the locals will interest me.

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Agent Cooper,

I think there may be a miscommunication here of some time... I had heard something about talking cats from Dr. Grant, but had assumed the phrase was a euphemism for something else.

Do you mean to say there are actually cats here that both talk and eat faces? That's quite disturbing news.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP

[fw-darcy.livejournal.com]

Dear Constable Fraser,

I thank you for reiterating your agreement to this endeavor. I understand the young lady who offered the service I described has now been properly Sorted, and I must make arrangements with her first.

If possible, I would also like a second chaperon, one with medical training just in case anything should happen to us - I have two candidates in mind. Unless your training for the Crown's service included enough emergency medical care to cover unexpected eventualities?

I shall owl you the moment I have arrangements completed. Thank you again, sir, and I remain

your servant,
FITZWILLIAM DARCY

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Mr. Darcy,

While emergency medical procedure is a standard part of our training, I'm certainly no doctor. Also, I feel that my unfamiliarity with our current environment and the particularities of the experiment in question might put me at a disadvantage, should a medical emergency arise. It might be in your best interests to ask someone else to join us.

As I said, I'll be eagerly awaiting your notification.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP

[brenda-johnson.livejournal.com]

Constable Fraser,

Good to hear from you! And it's good to know I can count on backup should I need it. It ought to go without saying, but won't, that the offer's reciprocal. I'm not specifically expecting any trouble here, but then so few people ever do - and as I'm sure you know, once a cop, always a cop.

How's next week sound for the dinner and storytelling? I'll have to browbeat the elves into letting me into the kitchen to cook, but I can be quite persuasive.

Brenda Johnson
Deputy Chief, LAPD

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Deputy Chief Johnson,

Thank you kindly for the offer. I may well take you up on it. I am intending to pursue an investigation now that I'm situated here, and if we are indeed the only police presence here (along with Agent Cooper) then I might indeed need your assistance.

Next week would be wonderful. I'm assuming 'elves' is not, in this case, a slang term?

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP

[brenda-johnson.livejournal.com]

Constable,

Case? You have my full and complete attention. Do tell?

It is not a slang term. The servant class in this castle is a species of short, wrinkly elves who seem either bred or deeply conditioned to attend the needs of wizards. It's quite off-putting, especially to a Southerner whose opinions of slavery are pretty deeply ingrained, but it appears to be a case for a "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" philosophy, as the elves take it as a personal affront if you, say, make your own bed or prepare your own meal. You'll meet them in due course, I'm sure.

Brenda Johnson
Deputy Chief, LAPD

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Deputy Chief Johnson,

I'm afraid the details of this particular investigation are still a little... muddled, you might say. When I know more, I promise you will be the first one to hear about it.

I understand. That might be a little hard to reconcile, as I'm quite used to making my own bed, but I appreciate the warning.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

Constable Fraser,

I don't have much lined up this week, but I would prefer to give a tour before Monday afternoon. Just let me know when you're ready, and be sure to wear clothes that can get very dirty. Diefenbaker is welcome, too, as long as you are absolutely sure that you can keep him under your control the entire time.

Dr. Grant

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Dr. Grant,

I'm absolutely not sure of that, so perhaps it's better if Dief stays behind. I've yet to unpack, so perhaps once I've settled in? Tomorrow afternoon, say. Would that work for you?

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

Constable Fraser,

That works. Would you like to meet me at my office first, or go straight ot the COMC shed?

Dr. Grant

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Dr. Grant,

Well, I'd very much like to see your books, but perhaps not to carry them around while we tour the shed. I think visiting there first might prove more time-efficient.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP

[dinosaurman.livejournal.com]

Constable Fraser,

Just meet me there, then. It's really not that hard to find.

Dr. Grant

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Dr. Grant,

Excellent! I'll see you then.

Sincerely,
Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP

Return duck, heavily warded, charmed to show the Canadian flag to anyone else

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

Benton ~

Congratulations, mate! You're a Gryffindor all the way. I'm sure you'll fit in nicely - used to be my old House, point of fact.

Anytime you'd like a drink or a bit of company, let me know.

About what we talked about during your Sorting... I'm still thinking on that. If I have any questions, though, in the future, would it be all right if I owled you?

And please, call me Lily. Also it's, er, not 'Mrs.'. I'm a widow and Evans is my maiden name. But, really, just 'Lily' is fine.

~ Lily

P.S. And you're welcome. And thank you. Say hello to Dief for me.

(Mr. Quackers is also carrying a small package containing several large dog biscuits.)

Return owl to Lily

[themountie.livejournal.com]

Lily,

My sincerest apologies. You mentioned your husband, and I made a false assumption. For what it's worth, I'm sorry for your loss.

As to our discussion, I really do hope you will consider what I suggested. If we don't stand up for justice, who will? Someone needs to hold your government accountable for what happened, fear or no fear. Please, think about it. In the meantime, if you have any questions, you are more than welcome to, er, 'owl' (I wasn't aware that could be used as a verb!) me. I will certainly do the same. In fact, I may 'owl' you soon to ask for more of that tea.

Diefenbaker says hello to both you and Steeler and thanks you kindly for the biscuits. I'll have to be sparing with them, though. The truth is, he's starting to get a little pudgy.

Yours,
Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP