Pony to Sirius
Nov. 17th, 2006 01:15 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
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((Backdated a LOT. Whoops. Uhm, backdated to like... November 3rd.))
Fido,
So I'm assuming you already know that Lily's birthday is coming up. Here's the deal -- I've got to do something pretty much ridiculously fantastic, both because I owe her a good present and because she deserves it for putting up with all the crap I put her through. Decent sorting bribes have been just a little scarce, though, and the best I've managed on my own so far is a pen.
Normally I would drink myself into a coma before asking forhelp anything, but you know the lady pretty well, and I figured you might have an idea or two.
So uh. Hit me. What do I do?
-Perry
PS: Needless to say, I will kill you if you tell anyone of this.
Fido,
So I'm assuming you already know that Lily's birthday is coming up. Here's the deal -- I've got to do something pretty much ridiculously fantastic, both because I owe her a good present and because she deserves it for putting up with all the crap I put her through. Decent sorting bribes have been just a little scarce, though, and the best I've managed on my own so far is a pen.
Normally I would drink myself into a coma before asking for
So uh. Hit me. What do I do?
-Perry
PS: Needless to say, I will kill you if you tell anyone of this.
Return pony
Date: 2006-11-17 11:13 pm (UTC)Get her another animal. She doesn't have enough of them.
JOKING.
Although at the rate she's going, you may want to purchase her her own
vatrinareenvedorinareinMuggle animal Healer.In all seriousness, I reckon she'd like a party to celebrate her first post-death birthday. (That sounds so bloody weird!) Perhaps we could hold one in the Ravenclaw Common Room. She's a social butterfly, and I think we'd draw in a good crowd that way.
As for presents, aren't girls supposed to be pretty easy to buy for? Just get them some earrings or perfume or something and they're tickled pink, right? But I'm sure you want to get her something more personal than that, as do I.
Let's see...well, you could cook a meal for her - dinner or breakfast or something. I reckon girls love it when blokes do that sort of thing. Of course, if you're anything like me, your cooking is more of a punishment than a present, which means you'd be best off getting a house-elf to
do all the work for youhelp you out.Another idea is to get her some fine-grade parchment products. I'm sure you know as well as I do how much she loves to take notes, so I think she'd love some really nice rolls of parchment. There's this bloke in my house who seems to have set up some sort of parchment sales and distribution business. He's sort of a berk, but he'll probably give you a good deal. His name is Michael, I believe.
Along similar lines, I'm sure Lily would love to receive books - the bigger and thicker, the better. (Funny, I've got the same philosophy! Come on, you didn't think I'd get through an entire letter to you without inserting a single innuendo, did you?)
She loves tea, so you could get her an assortment of that, or maybe a really nice teapot. All that scented stuff girls like - you know, soap and skin stuff and hair stuff - would probably go over well, too.
You've got that television, so maybe you could get her a movie to watch on that. She seems to like those soppy, sappy, sudsy girl films, so you could get her some of those. There's one I saw in Reno I think she might like. It's called Titanic, and in case you haven't heard of it, it's about some big boat that sinks on its way from Britain to America, and there's this poor bloke and this rich girl, and they fall in love. Complete and utter girl stuff. I suppose you'd need a VRC or a DVV device to attach to your telly, so that might prove a challenge, but I'm sure I could work out the proper charms if you wanted to do that.
If you want a bigger sort of item, you could get her one of those bubbling Muggle baths. I think they're called Jacoozees. Or we could expand her bathtub and charm it to bubble and steam and all that. Of course, it won't be as good as the Prefect's bath (which I have access to, of course, although just how...I cannot say!), but it'll be in or adjoined to her room, which will be nice. I bet she'd love to sit back and relax in it between studying, working in the Hospital Wing, and doing all of the other things that keep her way too busy and stressed. If you get her that, you could also get her those scented girly hair and skin things I mentioned before...maybe some bubble bath, too.
I know she's really set on being a Healer, so maybe you could give her a tour of a Muggle hospital, as sort of a research project. Overall, she'll love anything related to studying and school and achievement and all that other sort of rubbish.
Also, one of the presents I'm giving her is a memory. Maybe you've got some sort of happy memory you'd like to share with her, too. It doesn't have to be of her or anything - just something she might find funny or amusing, perhaps. I'm sure she'd love to see an embarrassing moment, but my advice is not to give her that sort of fodder or she'll torture you forever with it.
Anyway, those are some ideas, and you can use some or all of them if you want. Let me know if you need any help with whatever it is you ultimately decide to do. I just want her to have a really good birthday. She deserves something nice, you know?
- Sirius
Re: Return pony
Date: 2006-11-19 10:04 pm (UTC)Ooookay, in order: please, God, no more parties. And, yeah, no way am I going with some cheap-ass 'Guide to Dating' crap gift like perfume -- although she does have this stuff she wears when we go out sometimes, but there's no way for me to find out what the hell it is without either A: giving away the whole "present" thing or B: being gay, so that's out.
Cooking, on the other hand, is not a bad idea. I have been living alone for the past two years, Betty Crocker, and most of that time was not spent with the can-do elf squad pitter-pattering around. The paper's not bad either, but good Lord I am NOT getting her any more books. I had to ban her books from my room as it is, and I'm not even remotely joking about that. I kept rolling over onto them in the middle of the night and there's nothing to jolt you from a nice Heather Locklear dream like a book spine in your spine.
I already got her a teapot as a "Sorry for being a jackass" gift a while back, and I am NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT watching Titanic, BAD DOG for even suggesting that. And I dunno about the tour thing, we went to St. Mungo's when we were down in London. Although you are right about her loving the school 'thing' -- maybe I'll just give her a gold star and be done with it. God knows I think that's really all she wants in the world anyway.
I'd do the memory thing, if I had any idea how, except that I don't think I have any happy memories, except maybe the day I heard about my father's death, and I think she might find that just a little morbid.
Anyway, there's some decent stuff to work off here. Look... this is even harder to put down in writing than it is to say, but thanks a lot. I just... want this to go well.
-Perry
Re: Return pony
Date: 2006-11-20 02:48 am (UTC)Bad taste in your mouth from the last party? Hey, man, I thought the whole chicken-suit thing would be a good consolation prize, no? If I planned and held a party, would you come?
And...okay, I've had gay sex, so I suppose that qualifies me to find out about the perfume for you. (Hey, you've had sex with me, and even though I was a girl at the time, doesn't that still count as gay sex? I think it should!) Let me know if you want me to.
I'm impressed that you can cook. I lived alone for a long while, too, but it's hard to cook when you're outdoors and don't have a wand to make a flame with. I'm pretty good at mixing drinks, but I suppose that doesn't count. Hey, you should cook dinner for me someday! I'm too skinny! I need feeding! We could make it a date!
For the record? It's hilarious that you banned her books. I'm surprised she spends any time in your room at all. I reckon the telly draws her back, maybe?
Ah, so you've heard of Titanic. I thought it was some small, obscure film that came out in my area whilst I was in Reno. Sometimes we'd get small art films coming our way, so I figured it was one of those. Or maybe you're into art films? That sounds sort of gay to me, Perrilicious. Is there something you want to tell me?
Hey, the day I found out my mum died was one of the happiest days of my life! Someday you'll have to tell me about your dad. We can compete for who's had the worst childhood, and whoever wins has to buy the other alcohol or something. Or give the other bloke a blow job. Whatever works, right?
But seriously, you've got to have a happy memory in there somewhere. Like...when you finished your Healer school, weren't you really happy? I reckon Lily would love to see that. It'd appeal to her nerdy nature as well!
And hey, no problem! If anyone should have a happy birthday, it's her.
...what do you want to go well? Are you planning to propose to her???- Sirius
Re: Return pony
Date: 2006-11-20 04:08 am (UTC)WHAT? No no no no no, no one is proposing to anyone here, dear God! In case you're forgetting, I just went through an absolutely horrible divorce. I'm in no hurry to go back to that life, and I'm pretty sure Red's not either. I just meant I want her birthday to be good for her.
Anyway, no parties no parties no parties no parties no parties no parties -- I am BEGGING you, no parties. And, having knocked the totally-heterosexual boots with me, I think you know how much it takes to make me beg.
I can indeed cook up a decent meal, but I'm not your Jewish mother, for Chrissakes. I haven't even cooked for Lily (yet). As for not having a wand -- what, you were never in Boy Scouts? Weebalos?
Yeah, I'm sure it's the TV. That or -- well, you're a big puppy now, I think you see where this is going.
You realize Titanic is the biggest picture of all time, right? And I don't just mean that in the sense of it's the most bloated, overblown, ridiculous piece of crap to ever grace the silver screen -- which it is -- but it's made approximately a gadzillion dollars at this point, which just reminds you to never ever underestimate the stupidity of the world at large.
I'm willing to take that bet. The drink, not the blow job. My childhood pretty much sucked as much as something can possibly suck. I guess... yeah, graduating med school was a less sucky day than usual, okay, but you've already got this "memory" thing wrapped up anyway.
Seriously, I was just talking about her birthday. Ugh, see if I thank you for anything again.
-Perry
Re: Return pony
Date: 2006-11-20 08:21 am (UTC)Right. I knew that. Yeah, I want her birthday to be good, too...which is why we need to throw her a party! She'll want that, I'm telling you. I'll do all the work. You just have to show your arse up there and look as if you're enjoying yourself, or at least not miserable. Is that possible for you to do?
Well, maybe it's all for the best you don't cook for me. American food is bizarre. Unless you've got EZ Cheese. I love that stuff.
Haven't a clue what Weebalos is, but I have heard of Boy Scouts, and they remind me of the Wizarding Warriors. My parents tried to make me do that, but it seemed like a waste of time, and anyway, it was open only to purebloods, and that's a load of rubbish, isn't it?
Titanic was popular? Really? I mean, if the population of the world was 90% female, I could understand that. But...it's not. That would be breast overload.
So you're really up for this bet? I reckon we'll NEED drinks to get us through stories of childhood misery.
You can always thank me with sex, you know!
-Sirius
Re: Return pony
Date: 2006-11-22 03:33 am (UTC)If you throw a party that I am, by way of being Lily's boyfriend, forced to attend, I can promise you right now that I will destroy you.
Hey there, I'm a good cook. It's not my fault that you Brits don't know how to taste food. Actually, I'm liking this "cooking" idea more and more... I think I might actually go ahead with that one. Plus maybe some extras to, y'know, be on the safe side.
Anyway, as for your little bet, I can't say I'm exactly into the idea of an epic game of "wah, wah, wah," but I do admit you've got me curious -- plus, I'm still sure I'm gonna take the belt home on this one.
I did say 'never again,' right?
-Perry
Re: Return pony
Date: 2006-11-22 07:38 pm (UTC)You don't have to attend. I won't force you. Of course, you're on your own in case she's upset you weren't there. But hey, if you don't mind a little shouting (okay, a lot of shouting - it's Lily we're talking about, here) and perhaps some waterworks, then by all means, sit in your room and watch telly instead or do rounds in the Hospital Wing or do whatever else it is you do.
Could I choose the method of my own destruction? I was thinking a series of blunt blows to the head might be nice.
Well, I'm sure she'd love it if you cooked for her. And if there are leftovers, you know where to find me (i.e., the Ravenclaw bar).
Okay, buddy, you're on for this bet. I'm pretty sure your family has got nothing on the noble and most ancient house of Black.
Um...I don't remember if you said that. All I recall was "YES YES YES OH GOD YES!"
-Sirius
Re: Return pony
Date: 2006-11-23 07:58 pm (UTC)I really hate you sometimes.
-Perry
Re: Return pony
Date: 2006-11-23 08:10 pm (UTC)You'll thank me for it later. Hopefully not with a series of blunt blows to the head.
-Sirius
Re: Return pony
Date: 2006-11-24 08:26 am (UTC)If by "hopefully not" you mean "absolutely will," then super-dee-duper.
Listen, in all seriousness, and my hating you at the moment aside, I feel like I... owe you some gratitude and maybe an apology or two. I mean, real the real honest-to-God type of thing, because the truth is, everything that's been going on lately with Lily and all... it's been good having you around. And I think I was being kind of an oversensitive moron before. I just, uh... well, gosh, I guess I'm just naturally skeptical of the "best friend + significant other" setup these days after what happened with Jordan and all.
So there. There is your big 'you don't entirely suck' speech. It is yours for the year. Enjoy.
-Perry
Re: Return pony
Date: 2006-11-24 09:37 pm (UTC)There's somethingI'm reallyI can'tYou shouldn'tThanks, man. The year's almost up, though. I suppose I'll have to enjoy it while I can.
-Sirius
Re: Return pony
Date: 2006-11-25 06:17 am (UTC)Stretch it out. You're not getting another one till your birthday, whenever the hell that is.
-Perry
Re: Return pony
Date: 2006-11-25 06:30 am (UTC)Actually, it's in a couple of weeks.
Gonna get me something good?
-Sirius