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Mokuba. Popcorn.
Seto. Popcorn.
A crumpled letter. A locket.
And Ryuuji, sitting in front of the door to the Popcorn Room, knees drawn up against his chest, head resting on them, horribly still and quiet, ignoring all passerbys and only moving if someone stops in front of the door as if they want to enter.
Seto and Mokie'll have to return eventually. Maybe they'll do it faster if he's there, waiting.
Or maybe it'll hurt less if he just waits there for them, because this is as close as he can get.
((Warning: Char is being insanely emo. Char is prone to snarking/sulking when emo. Mun will understand completely if nobody wants to interact with char at current moment.))
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Date: 2006-10-11 07:24 am (UTC)Only today, she wasn't alone. As she rounded the corner, dark circles under her eyes and skin pale, she spotted Ryuuji. And she recognized his posture. For a moment, she just stood there, wondering if she should keep walking. Wondering if she shouldn't pry. But something made her sit down beside Ryuuji, drawing her own knees up and resting her chin on them. Silent for a bit, Lily finally said quietly, "Who was it?" Grief was evident in the man's very bearing. This in front of the Popcorn Room lead her to surmise that someone Ryuuji knew was now residing within. Tipping her head back to rest against the wall, Lily waited. Ryuuji could speak or not, as he pleased. But Lily knew, as much as she knew anything, that no one should have to grieve alone. So she'd sit with him.
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Date: 2006-10-11 07:32 am (UTC)Simple words, simple tone. Stripped of any emotion, bare and factual and raw in how lacking in his usual laughter and light-heartedness.
He ID'ed Lily from her tone without looking at her, but didn't react any further. His head stayed bowed, locks of dark hair falling over his eyes to obscure them. But they were closed anyway, and Ryuuji wasn't looking at the locket that he held like a lifeline in his left hand, or at the letter in his right hand that burnt at his skin like a weapon.
He could only see the black of his own eyelids and in his grief, even that seemed like too much to bear.
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Date: 2006-10-11 07:45 am (UTC)One hand went out to rest lightly at the back of his neck, just a small means of physical support. Lily knew, from personal experience, that grief was an isolating emotion. The tiniest gesture by someone else, then, could be that much more important. If Ryuuji moved or reacted in a way that was negative, she'd draw back immediately. But if he wanted someone to just be there, Lily was more than willing to do so.
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Date: 2006-10-11 08:03 am (UTC)It was odd to be on the receiving end of such sympathy.
Kindness was not something that Ryuuji was accustomed to getting, only to giving.
And maybe in a different context, he would have thought about that more, talked to Lily more, teased and untangled everything leading to this single moment of being curled up and seated on a stone floor with someone trying to make it better. Maybe in a different context, he would have reacted more.
As it was, he remained perfectly, absolutely still and said only (the words were muttered, they were automatic, they were mirthless), "Not your fault."
Because that was what one said and Ryuuji couldn't be his usual unconventional self when the self that he was had been swallowed by sorrow at his double loss of the brothers he had so recently found.
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Date: 2006-10-11 08:24 am (UTC)But you did. Because you had to. You drew in another breath, your heart pounded another beat, you took another step, lived another moment, because you had to. Because, as comforting and as easy as it would be to follow those you'd lost, if you did, the senseless whatever that had taken them would win. And you couldn't let it. Even if your only purpose was to keep the memory of those you'd lost alive, that was enough. They deserved that and more; you gave what you could and strove for the rest.
Lily noticed that Sarah had (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/941829.html?thread=46535685#t46535685) joined them, sitting on the other side of Ryuuji. Eyes going to her friend's, Lily shook her head sadly and looked back down at Ryuuji. Her thumb rubbed gently along the nape of his neck and she sat in silence. Eventually, Ryuuji was going to want to move. Perhaps to shout and throw things, perhaps to curl into a ball and sleep, perhaps something in between. Whatever it was, once he'd gotten past the initial, numbing shock of grief, Lily knew he'd need someone there. If only to listen whilst he ranted or pour him a cuppa or tuck him into bed as he tried to sleep away the world. And, knowing how close Sarah and Ryuuji were, Lily felt a small shot of relief that Sarah had somehow found her friend when he needed her.
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Date: 2006-10-11 07:34 am (UTC)Sarah's reply by paper dragon to Mokuba's paper airplane came back hours after she sent it and at first, she could not understand why. The charm was one she knew well, it should have gone right to him. That it did not was worrisome, but she simply decided to go to the suite and see if she could track down Mokuba in person or Ryuuji to leave a message with him. After all, it could just be a botched spell.
Only no one answered the door of the suite. Still not problematic, as she had her cellphone on her. Ryuuji was a short call away and all this would be cleared up. She dug it out of her pocket and waited for him to answer. Nothing. With a sick sort of feeling, she dialed the number completely rather than rely on speeddial, as though it would help.
"Ryuuji, answer your damned phone," she hissed desperately and when it went to voice mail, she hung up without leaving a message. Something was seriously wrong. The only thing left was to try looking through the school. She checked several places, stubbornly avoiding the popcorn room until finally, she gave in and went down the hallway, finding the person she sought, as well as Lily.
Silently, she walked up to the plaque and sucked in a breath at not one, but two names she recognized at the bottom. Oh dear God. Without a word to either, she dropped to the floor next to Ryuuji, laying a hand on his foot. She wanted to say something, to hug him... hell, she wanted to fix it and make it better, but right now just the simple touch.
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Date: 2006-10-11 07:44 am (UTC)For a second, the thought slowly flowed through Ryuuji's head (molasses slow, trickle reluctantly, don't disturb the silence of mourning) that he should probably draw his foot away. Or at least look up.
But. That would involve moving. And he didn't want to move. Body weighed down by the weight of his sorrow, eyelids shut because it would be too painful to look at a world that no longer had his precious brothers in it, Ryuuji had absolutely no desire to move.
His assassin instincts should have been screaming for him to at least check whom the person was. They should have had him flickering out a test to her aura the second her footsteps had been first heard. They should have activated to compensate for his complete lack of self-preservation.
But they didn't.
Did it matter if it was a possible threat coming his way?
Not in the least.
All that mattered was that his brothers were popcorn, locked behind glass cases, and lost to him.
He didn't stir, except to clutch the locket (he'd shown it to Sarah, she knew the picture inside it) a little more tightly.
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Date: 2006-10-11 08:23 am (UTC)Her throat ached, but not for any loss that was hers - she had yet to have met Seto and had only spoken to Mokuba at her Sorting before today's letter. This was entirely for Ryuuji, who was going through something she could not even imagine. It was also something she could not fix and part of her knew she could not comfort. But she was not going to leave his side and she was going to do what she could, even if he did not take full notice of any of it.
She looked at Lily for a moment, acknowledging her presence in a way she knew her friend would understand, knowing that the focus here was Ryuuji. She moved closer to him, making her presence known now with the gentle contact of both her hands, one now on his leg and the other moving to his hair, gently brushing it back to see he had his eyes completely closed. It was an unnecessary gesture, but in the face of all of this she needed to do something and simple touch could still speak much better than words. 'I'm sorry' would be useless and empty and she did not want to resort to that.
"I'm here for you." The world were soft but distinct as her fingers brushed his cheek. These gestures, though restrained from the everyday, were no less lacking in affection. She doubted he would turn her away if she offered more, but she was not going to jump immediately into a hug and risk her fear of overwhelming him. That touch and those words were all she could offer him right now, to be here for him no matter if it helped or not. She would stay as long as it took.
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Date: 2006-10-11 09:13 am (UTC)Or rather, two touches at once. The touch on his leg was grounding and non-intrusive and the touch to his face thankfully, luckily missed the scar that he kept concealed with make-up. Head being tilted up, Ryuuji didn't flinch or recoil but instead passively let his body be manipulated without protest or even any apparent awareness of it.
Words, and then a touch to his cheek, and a promise to be here. The corners of his mouth turned downwards for a moment, as if doubt tugged them down just as sorrow made his eyelids stay shut, then he parted his lips enough to exhale in a soft sigh.
"I know."
The words were not so much spoken as breathed, quiet and dead of all emotion. An acknowledgement of fact, not the gratitude it should have been, but the blankness of his reactions only made it clear what a contrast it was to the usually lively boy.
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Date: 2006-10-11 08:21 am (UTC)When he saw his friend in front of the door, though, he knew something was very wrong.
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Date: 2006-10-11 08:28 am (UTC)Ryuuji didn't see Stephen.
Ryuuji's eyes were closed, his head was bowed, and he was completely lost in his own private world that consisted solely of misery and loss. No Seto. No Mokuba. No more family.
No more Etoiles.
The stars called the angels home. But this time, they called in vain. The angels were trapped in fire and could not return.
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Date: 2006-10-11 08:32 am (UTC)After all, he had come to the popcorn room out of his own grief, a grief that had not been publicly or loudly expressed, but one that was real and powerful all the same. At least they could grieve their dead together.
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Date: 2006-10-11 08:39 am (UTC)Stephen.
All of that happened on a level below his conscious mind, the physical touches from the other two making at least some slugging imitation of his usual assasssin-honed senses stir and awaken. Nothing was sent to him directly though, body and mind wholly separate, severed cleanly in two so that he could be still and not have to listen to any input from his body.
Catatonia victims probably more life in them than Ryuuji.
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Date: 2006-10-11 12:55 pm (UTC)"Ryuuji?" Nemo asked in a quavery voice. "You look sad. You look like my dad looked when he thought I was all goned. Are you okay? Do you need a friend right now? Would you like to hold Furryfurrysoft?"
((Hello again. Grad school is beyond fun and I'm quite busy, but I happened to see this and Nemo just had to stop by. Expect the reply to come at very great length - probably by the end of tomorrow at most, though.))
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Date: 2006-10-14 04:27 am (UTC)Dead green eyes looked up slowly, Ryuuji raising his head as if every inch cost him more effort than lifting a ton of steel. He looked at the fish tank with no recognition for a moment, then a mental image of a small, young Nemo-kid popped into his mind.
Mokuba...
It only made the ache of missing his brother hurt worse.
But Nemo was even smaller than Mokuba, and Ryuuji's frustrated older brother instincts (couldn't protect them, wasn't good enough, lost them both) kicked in temporarily, managing to make him offer the fish a wan smile. It softened his tone as well, making it reassuring, "Hello, Nemo."
Now what? He had been asked questions. He ought to answer those.
"My brothers are popcorn, and that makes me sad."
Did he need a friend right now?
"And I need them back, but I can't have them back."
Did he want to hold Furryfurrysoft?
...Not especially, but maybe having something or someone to hug would make him feel better.
"And yes, I would love to hug Furryfurrysoft."
((No worries, I've been so overloaded myself that my replies are also slow. Thanks for having Nemo drop by.))
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Date: 2006-10-14 06:07 am (UTC)So Nemo nodded to Domino, who twitched his ears and winked. Moments later, Nemo sat beside his tank in little-boy form. He stood up and fumbled with the catch on Furryfurrysoft's cage. With the house-elf's help, he got the door open, lifted it and took out the cooing tribble.
Nemo walked over to the doorway.
"Here she is, you can pet her as long as you want," he said, placing the furry ball in Ryuuji's hands. The tribble chirped an inquisitive friendly noise. Nemo edged closer and gently hugged his friend around the shoulders.
Nemo sat on the floor next to Ryuuji and, leaning against him, placed his hand reassuringly on the older boy's arm.
((Would it completely overload Ryuuji's circuits for Nemo to ask what popcorn means? He won't if you prefer he not.))
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Date: 2006-10-14 06:22 am (UTC)The hug to his shoulders made a smile tremble and falter on his lips. Mokuba used to hug him like that. Mokuba'd run to him and throw both arms around his brother and cling to him.
Throat aching oddly, like someone was scrubbing the inside of it with sandpaper, Ryuuji lifted the arm that Nemo was touching and ruffled the fish-boy's hair lightly in a protective older-brother gesture.
It only made his throat hurt worse, and his eyes were bright with suppressed tears as he petted Furryfurrysoft some more, telling Nemo quietly, "Thank you."
And his thanks was for the hug and being his friend, not for the pet, though Ryuuji appreciated being trusted with that as well.
((No, it's fine. Ryuuji can project his older brotherness onto Nemo and thus make up at least a little for losing Seto and Mokuba, if you don't mind Nemo being a temporary little brother substitute. ^_~))
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Date: 2006-10-12 03:24 am (UTC)A body occupied the available space at the floor of the doorjamb.
"May I go in, please." His voice was low, quiet.
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Date: 2006-10-12 11:57 am (UTC)...No. Not an option.
So instead, he sat right next to the jamb of the door. Unless Ian opened it especially violently when he exited (not that Ryuuji even knew who Ian was), it should be safe.
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Date: 2006-10-13 03:51 am (UTC)The young man was still sitting in the doorway, shifted over to make a walking path.
"You too?" he asked, looking down with weary sympathy.
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Date: 2006-10-14 04:38 am (UTC)And because Ian had said 'too', and because Ryuuji's instincts to comfort were being sparked, he asked in return, "You?"
He'd lost people to the popcorn room before. They'd just never been family.
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Date: 2006-10-14 03:53 am (UTC)He didn't say anything else as he rested against the wall.
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Date: 2006-10-14 04:35 am (UTC)Oz-presence. Very close to him.
And Stephen had been close but he'd been an older man and Ryuuji, no matter how much he liked Stephen, really wasn't comfortable with physical affection with older men. Lily and Sarah were girls, and anything too close could have been taken the wrong way. Nemo was a fish. Ian was a stranger.
Oz was male, his friend, and close to him.
He'd understand.
Ryuuji suddenly uncurled and with the speed of a striking snake, practically crawled into Oz's lap, long legs wrapping around his waist, arms locking over Oz's shoulders. Face buried in the other's neck, he shook slightly as if with tearless, wordless sobs, shivers running through his body uncontrollably.
"Gone..." And the word was soft, broken, endlessly hurt and quiet, muffled by the way he was hiding from the world and clinging to Oz. "Mokuba. Seto. Gone."
Quieter still, a helpless plea, "Don't go too. Please don't."
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Date: 2006-10-14 04:45 am (UTC)He didn't say anything in response to his brothers being gone (what could he say? It sucked? No shit. They could be back? How could he know? It's ok or it would be ok? Didn't seem like it would be much comfort now). Most the time words seemed to be unnecessary gestures to Oz, anyway.
Except for this part. He mumbled, "I'm staying here" into Ryuuji's ear, while he began to minutely rock, from instinct.
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Date: 2006-10-14 04:52 am (UTC)Oz was here, and holding him back, and promising to stay, and rocking. Like Ryuuji was a little baby in a cradle and yeah, maybe that would have made him ashamed of himself in another place, another time, but right now, there was no room in Ryuuji's heart for shame.
There was only pain and grief, the overwhelming sensation of loss and failure.
So he clung more tightly, and shook more slowly, dry-eyed and blinking rapidly, eyelashes brushing against the skin of Oz's neck in little tickles. "Promise?"
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