[identity profile] ultradirector.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] hh_mirror
((A note: The show Haruhi is from, the incomparably, cracktastically wonderful Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, was aired with its episodes out of order, so I thought it would be a funny piece of meta to scramble up the application. Feel free to have your characters ignore it or notice it if they're meta-inclined.))

A questionnaire, huh? Fine. My name is Haruhi Suzumiya, formerly of North High School. Normal humans don't interest me at all, but if there are any aliens, time travellers, sliders or espers here, come find me! There's my introduction!


6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

A bribe... Okay then! For a limited time only, I'll open up membership in the SOS Brigade! Without the others here anyway we need new types! Like a mascot... Oh! Or you could have a part in my next movie! Or maybe you could sponsor it, if you have a business you want to advertise! That would be exciting, right?

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Oh! That's a great question! Is that here to weed out all the aliens, demons, and other supernatural forces that wouldn't be familiar with human cheeses? Excellent!! As for me, I like gouda, I guess... as far as normal human cheese go. Or that sweet kind.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Barney's that purple dinosaur on that American kid's show, right? He deludes small children into having false beliefs! Everyone knows dinosaurs aren't really around anymore, but it sucks to be a little kid and then find that out later on. So he should definitely go. But I saw Carrottop on TV, and he was really boring... Well, if you're gonna kill one, you may as well kill 'em all!

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

You have poor management! Get a subordinate to get rid of it for you. That's why they're there!

3. What time is it where you are?

It's 3 o'clock. That's a stupid question, don't you have a watch or a cell phone?

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Pfff. It's all the others who are useless. I'm the ultra director of the SOS Brigade, and the hit smash movie Asahina Mikuru's Adventure Episode 00, and I'm an ultra detective! I seek out weird mysteries all over! And I'm always hunting down aliens and other paranormal things.

And I can do all sorts of things like play baseball and the guitar and cook and sing and stuff but that's not important anyway.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Who cares about stuff like that? Romance is so overrated. Who has time for it? Anyway, aren't those all boys' names? The sex question was more interesting!

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Oh oh! Do they have a mascot-type character too? Which one has the biggest breasts? Can I see them?

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.


SOS Bar, of course! That's the Save the world by Overloading it with fun (and drinks) Haruhi Suzumiya Bar!

"I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. HS
I have read the [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. HS
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. HS
One day, marmalade will rule the world. HS"

Date: 2006-09-05 02:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] toujours-sirius.livejournal.com
I've got the biggest breasts out of all of the Order members...at least for right now.

*holds out his hand*

Sirius Black, of the application question. It's nice to meet you.

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Date: 2006-09-05 02:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dinosaurman.livejournal.com
I know some people who would very much like to argue that dinosaurs are alive and kicking. More the kicking part than anything else.

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Date: 2006-09-05 03:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rogue-nebari.livejournal.com
"Well, I'm technically an alien. Hi." Chiana's about to hold out a hand in greeting, then stops. "If you're gonna dissect me or something, I'm gonna have to squib you."

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Vote: Hufflepuff

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Date: 2006-09-05 03:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com
Only aliens, time travellers, sliders or espers? Gracious. You do have a way of making one feel mundane, don't you?

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Vote: Squib

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Date: 2006-09-05 03:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ninth-doctor.livejournal.com
Oi, you got something against aliens?

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Date: 2006-09-05 03:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carri3-whit3.livejournal.com
...What's a cell phone?

An' why're you huntin' paranormal things?

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Vote: Gryffindor

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Re: Vote: Gryffindor

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Date: 2006-09-05 03:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilypotter60.livejournal.com
The application gave Lily a bit of a headache as she tried to read the out-of-order questions and suss out if she had the biggest breasts in the Order (when Sirius was his proper gender, of course) what the girl was so excited about.

"Er, hello," she smiled, holding out her hand. "I'm Lily. Do you know where you'd like to be Sorted?"

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Date: 2006-09-05 03:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] robinthepuck.livejournal.com
"Well, I'm not an alien or a time traveler, but I'm also not human. Or mundane, but, really, very few living people are." Grinning, Robin held out his hand. "Robin Goodfellow, at your service, my dear. What sort of 'movies' do you make then?" he gave her a knowing wink.

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Date: 2006-09-05 03:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com
See, now I think you've got it all backwards. It's sex that's overrated most of the time. Romance, now that's a much rarer bird.

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Vote: Hufflepuff

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Slytherin

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Date: 2006-09-05 04:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] keygirl-dawn.livejournal.com
I'm a dimensional energy key that got turned into a human girl. Does that make me interesting to you?

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Vote: Hufflepuff

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Date: 2006-09-05 05:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thieving-minx.livejournal.com
I've been alive for over 1200 years. Do I pass your test for "interesting"?

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Vote: Hufflepuff

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Date: 2006-09-05 05:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gutentaghopclop.livejournal.com
You like to sing und dance, Fraulein Miss Ha-hooey?

Vote: Hoofenpoof!

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Date: 2006-09-05 06:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perverted-kappa.livejournal.com
Got a problem with demons, kid?

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Date: 2006-09-05 06:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com
Should demons be granted opportunities for membership in all clubs?

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Slytherin

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Date: 2006-09-05 07:03 am (UTC)
must_be_bunnies: (pendant)
From: [personal profile] must_be_bunnies
Why do you hunt aliens and paranormal beings? I suppose you hunt demons too? What did we ever do to you? Maybe Wolfram is right about humans.

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Date: 2006-09-05 07:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] researcher42.livejournal.com
In a fit of immaturity Ford puts on a pair of dealy-bopper antennae and wanders around the sorting room making "beep beep" noises.

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Vote: Slytherin

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Date: 2006-09-05 09:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] battlefranky36.livejournal.com
Grinning a bit, Franky leaned over to wisper in her ear. "Y'know, I'm a cyborg."

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Date: 2006-09-05 10:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pippithepirate.livejournal.com
Pippi grinned at Haruhi. The sweater-clad monkey on her shoulder fiddled with his tail, but was otherwise uninterested in the applicant.

"Hi!" said Pippi brightly. "I'm a little bit not normal, according to some people. But I'm still human!"

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Vote: Slytherin!

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Date: 2006-09-06 03:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] honor-nimitz.livejournal.com
Honor, who was making preparations to leave the school, didn't get in on many sortings these days. She and Nimitz needed a break, though, so they came down to see if anyone interesting had applied. Nimitz liked this one.

"Hello," said Honor. "I'm Honor, and this is Nimitz. I do hope he qualifies as something interesting, at least!" Nimitz gave a bleek of laughter and jumped down from Honor's shoulder to get a better look at Haruhi.

((Note: Honor will appear to be a normal, but very tall, woman. Nimitz, otoh, is a six-limbed telepathic alien felinoid about the size of a bobcat. His front limbs are arms with four-fingered hands. Haruhi wants weird? He's weird!))

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Date: 2006-09-06 04:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] internetgoddess.livejournal.com
Lain reviewed this applicant with interest.

"Konnichi wa" Lain speaks up in her native Japanese, bowing slightly.
"I'm Iwakura Lain. How are you?"

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Date: 2006-09-06 05:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] godzilla-2000.livejournal.com
A bone-shaking roar rents through the school and above everyone the head of Godzilla is seen through the magic 'skylight'.

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Date: 2006-09-06 05:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] malice-the-doll.livejournal.com
"Hello, I am called Malice. It is nice to meet you Miss Haruhi."

Malice looked this 'Client' over, her plastic-looking face and eyes not giving away anything but a soulless smile.

"Do you have a liking for the female form?" She asked in response to the fourth question.

Hufflepuff

From: [identity profile] malice-the-doll.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-09-07 07:18 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2006-09-07 01:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
New types of what, exactly?

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From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-09-07 02:38 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-09-07 03:58 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-09-07 04:06 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-09-07 04:15 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-09-07 04:21 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-09-07 04:27 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-09-07 02:40 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-09-08 02:58 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2006-09-08 03:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
That's a rather clever bargain you've struck with me, and clever girls go in Ravenclaw House. I hope you meet many people and others of interest and that your SOS Brigade is well attended!

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Ravenclaw!

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