Application for Diana Villiers (Master and Commander, books)

[villiers-d.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

I do enjoy a good triple-creme Brie. Goes down a treat with cognac, and a fine cigar afterward.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Why should I have to kill anyone? *looks affronted*

3. What time is it where you are?

Oh, a lady of leisure cares nothing for time.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Which one is the wealthiest? That one. You cannot call it harassment when the attention is welcome, though, you know.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

I should call it Barham Down. That is one of the pieces of property I own, no matter what anyone might have thought of my buying it. *looks smug*

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Has Harry independent means? If so, why, he need marry no one at all. If, however, he is impoverished and wishes to escape the dominion of an aunt or other oppressive female relation, he should choose whichever suitor offers the larger diamond. Though frankly I see no reason why he should not enjoy both if he so chooses.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

It is doubtless that you are an infernal bore, scribbling away always.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

If you saw me drive a coach-and-four you would not even ask this question.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

Hm, well, I have rather large sums of money at my disposal. One could say I married well, especially since the spouse in question spends rather a lot of time away from home.


((OOC: Yes, she's squibbait. Have at her! ))

Comments

[kusarigama-chan.livejournal.com]

Do you have candy?

[keygirl-dawn.livejournal.com]

Oh, you're going to go over real well here!

[narcissa-always.livejournal.com]

So, why do you wish to attend Hogwarts?

[ninth-doctor.livejournal.com]

How does a spouse spending time away a lot count being 'married well'?

[profmoony.livejournal.com]

*distasteful look*

Bitchiwitch.

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

You remind me of far too many people in my family. Snooty, stuck-up, money-rich, soul-poor lot of wankers.

Time for you to meet Fuckbeak, I'm afraid. Enjoy your ride.

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

You sure it won't overtax you, y'know, having to pick up a wand? We'd hate to put you out.

[internetgoddess.livejournal.com]

Lain looks over the applicant.

"I'm afraid I don't have much need for money but then it wouldn't matter much.
I wouldn't mind hearing about your life. I do have a lot of time for talking these days and I'm sure you have some stories you could tell."

[dancedanceanzu.livejournal.com]

So you married well, because he's got a lot of money but he's not around?

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid you're the one who sounds like an infernal bore, madam. But for very large sums of money, I might be persuaded otherwise.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

No response? Very well, then.

Your bribe has been rejected.

You have been squibbed.

You must pack your bags and leave the Castle, immediately.

[villiers-d.livejournal.com]

Well, I never! Have no fear, I assure you I shall not be prolonging my stay here as much as one more moment.

*leaves immediately, in a huff*