closed RP: Stephen, Terry, and Ryuuji: I hate evil clowns.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Face set grimly, Stephen insists on leading Terry and Ryuuji out of the Sorting Room and to the potions laboratory. It was on the pretext of needing his assistant's help with a potion that Stephen ordered Ryuuji away from evil-clown-Otogi's Sorting, and it was on that pretext that he called in the Headmistress, so by God, help with a potion he will have.

Ushering the pair inside, he locks and wards the door of the laboratory thoroughly, after sending off a brief owl to River: Am in lab. This could take a while.

Comments

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Ryuuji had been perfectly quiet on the way there, focusing on keeping Terry supported and steady. He hadn't felt like saying anything, either, attention mostly on the boy that he was half-carrying down to the dungeons (and wasn't that a sentence that could be taken out of context?) and on thoughts of Seto and his father, whom he'd left behind.

And Mokuba, because what if Mokuba and Seto really were his half-brothers and his mother had abandoned him at birth?

It made sense that he was worthless even as a baby, really.

Forcing down that bitter thought, he helped Terry into a chair, and stayed standing himself, eyes oddly empty and his usually animated face blank. "Terry? Are you okay? I can remove all those memories, if you like. I apologize. I didn't mean to - I shouldn't have attempted Legilimancy like that."

But it had been a command from Terry and even more susceptible than usual, Ryuuji hadn't had a chance to do anything except obey.

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

He didn't feel battered, physically. And that was the oddest thing of all, feeling like his mind was bruised. Still, he remembered everything Ryuuji had said when they'd been curled up in his lair. Nothing he'd seen had really been a surprise, not when he already knew how Ryuuji saw the world and his place in it.

"I would really like something fizzy and vanilla to drink." Which didn't say much about losing the memories. But he wanted to see how he felt after a few minutes first.

If he still felt this raw, then maybe, maybe it'd be the wise and sane thing to have them erased. Right now however, he didn't want to lose this confirmation. Even if it scared him that Ryuuji was far too emotionally fragile to be in a solid relationship yet.

And yet... Terry's fingers went up to his collar. Shit. Fuck. Damn. "With ice."

He other hand went out, without looking up, reaching for Ryuuji's hand.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

"Fizzy, vanilla and iced. Got it." Ryuuji patted Terry on the shoulder, then dropped that hand to touch Terry's, curling his own fingers around the other's. He squeezed and held it for a few seconds, not just to comfort Terry but also to thank him, and then looked around the room.

There were enough potions ingrediants to make such a drink easily, but... "Sir. Do I have permission to use some of the potions ingredients to create such a drink for McGinnis?"

He'd slipped into the formality without thinking about it, system returning to what it was most used to. Respectful distance towards those who were older, casual charm towards his own age group and younger.

Younger. Mokuba. Possible half brother. Seto. Hopefully Seto would go find Mokuba and protect him. Maybe Ryuuji should. "Also, would I be permitted to owl Mokuba and warn him to keep his distance from the Sorting Room?"

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

"You have permission to use what ingredients are needed. You do not have permission to send owls outside this room. Dictate a message to me and I will send an owl myself." Stephen was in no mood to deal with evil clown drama.

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

Terry raised his head enough to send Stephen and incredibly grateful look. He knew Ryuuji would be worried about the boy he already thought of as his little brother. But the safe Ryuuji was right now, the better and Ryuuji was safe where no one was quite sure where he was.

He rubbed his temple with one hand, the other on the collar. "You should have something cherry and fizzy and cold too."

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

Terry watched the door close behind Maturin, still feeling grateful to the man, and continued to sip at his drink. Ryuuji hadn't actually come any closer and the way he was standing; tense and pre-occupied made any chance of him slowing down absolutely nil.

"I'm fine. I can ask if I need another drink. You should get on the potion. Werewolf loose in American is the sort of headline no one needs to see."

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

"It'll take approximately six hours to brew three batches. Five minutes more or less won't be missed." Ryuuji pointed out, cool green eyes fixed on Terry's. Not sure how to broach the topic, he opted (for a change) to take the direct approach and asked outright, "Do you want to have those memories removed?"

After all, Ryuuji hadn't meant to give them to Terry. From his point of view, they were somewhere between a disease (insanity's contagious and he's a carried) and a handful of mud (sticks, smears, dirty). Not something he had ever wanted to share with anyone, let alone someone he cared about.

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

"You are..." Terry paused, because Ryuuji wasn't in the right place for him to issue a command as much as it just wanted to trip out of his mouth. "I don't think I want them ever removed."

He looked up then. "I guessed. I guessed a lot. But now I know." Absently he rubbed his stomach, wincing at the echo pain of the last and most graphic. The one that made him know without a shadow of a doubt that Ryuuji had no idea how strong he was, how wrong his father was, or messed up his head had to be.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

"..." Ryuuji hadn't wanted Terry to guess. Hadn't wanted Terry to think that there was anything wrong with him, that Ryuuji could have ever been weak enough to be hurt like. Been weak enough to deserve being hurt like that. Because it was over now (his father was back), and Ryuuji wasn't like any longer (he'd been unable to disobey, only stall), and he didn't think about those things (he'd been unable to think of anything else) and really, Terry didn't need to have those memories.

He didn't need memories of pain he hadn't undergone. Ryuuji didn't want to be responsible for Terry hurting like that.

Biting down on his lower lip, the muscles of his own abdomen tensing out of sympathy for the way that Terry had rubbed at his body, Ryuuji tried to argue in a more normal tone, "You don't need them. They're not relevant to your life, or even mine. I don't think about that, or let them affect me."

Pause. "Apart from a certain paranoia when it comes to watching what I eat, that is."

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

He couldn't help his half crooked smile. "Oh I am never going to take another bite around strangers without wondering again." He paused. "But even though I watched everything you put in the drink, I still just trusted you. Maybe I'm hopeless in that good way. Paranoia will never eat away at my soul ?"

It was said with a kind of lightness, because Terry didn't know what else to do but to try and make them laugh. Ryuuji was convinced he'd gotten over something like that. You didn't get over stuff like that. Terry worked with Bruce, he knew now that Bruce had simply stonewalled every head-shrinker they'd ever possibly thrown at him. Stuff like that people kept private and channeled it into other things.

Like the job.

"I love you." His mom used to say that sometimes those three words could solve everything and sometimes they couldn't. It was one of her explanations to his little brother about why she and their Dad were splitting up.

It probably wouldn't work right now. But it was worth a try.

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

"One thing at a time, and now isn't the time to debate those training techniques." His mouth and tone had obvious sneers to them. Terry pulled it back as much as he could. Because he didn't want to get into a tangent about Ryuuji's son-of-a-bitch father.

And now probably wasn't the time to raise a brow about Ryuuji being thrown onto the streets for weeks at a time to learn some sort of toughness. Terry hadn't been thinking about things that way. And he hadn't experienced the kind of life Jason might have led. He just knew from the way Jason moved, the kind of justice he talked about, the way he was testing Tim; that there was a logic and set of laws and understanding there that the others weren't tapped into.

He sighed. "Very disturbing." Because he wasn't going to lie to Ryuuji. And his arm tightened unexpectedly and he forced himself to relax it, and not to hold Ryuuji down.

"But the person who should feel uncomfortable about me having them, me seeing what a shit faced piece of slag he is; wears a clown suit." Terry paused. "Oh and I get the redhead repulsion now."

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, well, considering my magical abilities and fighting skills, I'd say that they worked." Ryuuji responded, eyes narrowing for just a second. Was he proud of what he'd gone through? No. Would he make anyone else endure it? No. Did that mean he thought any less of his powers? No. He'd bled and suffered and hurt to get to this level; it hadn't all been for nothing. There'd been a point to it. Power. And he'd gotten power. So it had been useful.

And Ryuuji had to believe that, because otherwise, all the pain of those sixteen years of his life would be meaningless.

As for the streets, they'd been decent. He'd been about twelve. Old enough to understand that posing against a lamp post got you a certain type of attention, young enough to justify beating up people that propositioned him as teaching child molestors a lesson, and desperate enough to not have a problem with taking money from their purses afterwards. All in all, Ryuuji had been better off on them than at home, considering what 'home' was like for him.

Though, he wasn't planning on telling Terry any of that. Terry had got too much of him already, all at once and without any plan for it on Ryuuji's part.

The sudden tightening of the arm around him made Ryuuji tense up until it relaxed, and even then, he remained slightly on edge. It just felt wrong to be seated like this. And the use of 'shit faced' made Ryuuji wince on the inside, thinking about how hideous his father's face truly was under that mask.

"Why would he be disturbed? He's not the one that was - that was being punished." Quietly confused, he shifted as much as he could, drawing one leg up against his chest then twisting to face Terry directly, letting the leg fall to the side of the chair. Now straddling the other's thighs, more comfortable and feeling less like some sort of lifesize doll, Ryuuji blinked.

"Redhead re-" Pause. Realize what he's saying. Freeze.

Ryuuji stayed absolutely still for a few long seconds, then leaned down to hit his head against Terry's shoulder. And left it there. "Fuck," He breathed, angry and resigned at once, "I hadn't realized that was why I couldn't deal with redheads. Great. Just fucking great. Is it so much to ask for one thing in my life to not trace back to him in one way or another?!"

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

"I don't." Terry said softly, hand rubbing Ryuuji's back again, the other on his thigh, just resting to help balance.

"Though I don't know if you'd want to fit me just in that catagory."

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Ryuuji reached up and touched Terry's collar, mouth grim and eyes dark with angry self-knowledge. "Control issues. Inability to not do what you want. Secrecy. Arguments over eating habits. You do trace back to him. Not in the bad sense, but in the way that he's just - just - all over me, fuck, treasure, it's like anything I do ends up leading back to him somehow just because he's had that much of an influence over me."

Pause. "...Sorry. Didn't mean to swear quite that much."

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

Terry turned his head enough to kiss the back of Ryuuji's hand. He breathed out slowly. If Ryuuji could call him treasure, things weren't as bad as they might seem.

"He's your father." And here Terry's own eyes got dark, but for a different reason. There was grief there, and regret. "He helped make you what you are. It's supposed to happen in a good way. By example. You're not even suppose to realize you're picking up his ethics, his work values, his morals...mostly."

Terry blinked, clearing his eyes until they were bright and clear and neutral again. "In your case, I'm hoping you tried to be everything he wasn't. Cause I really can't see you with that mask on when we're 80. It'd clash with the cookies."

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

Terry laughed. "You're worried we aren't also friends, but teamwork and relationship are enemies somehow?" Ryuuji got himself kissed for that, gently on his chin.

"Freak." It was said affectionately. But a second or so later, Terry realized it might not have been the best time to fall back on their usual teasing. "So says the genetically engineered freak."

He leaned back so he could meet the intense curiosity in Ryuuji's eyes as evenly as possible. "We're friends." He shook his head suddenly. "But not friends with benefits. We're friends too. As well as. Along with being."

He paused, just staring at Ryuuji for a moment, thinking over the past couple of weeks. Then said softly. "Started out as, but then got lucky."

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

"Hey, teamwork can disintegrate under the stress of relationships." Ryuuji defended himself automatically, with no real heat behind it as he smiled at the light kiss. The mention of Terry being genetically engineered had Ryuuji pausing, then blinking at him, "Um. I was serious when I said that I understood how you felt. About suddenly having your sense of self change. Because if Seto and Mokuba are my half-brothers, and my mother didn't die but just-"

And the word didn't want to leave his lips, so Ryuuji spat it out like it was poison, "Abandoned... me, then -- everything's changed. Everything."

And that included them. And how 'lucky' they were.

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

He ran a hand through Ryuuji's hair, cupping his head gently. "I still had you."

The hand on Ryuuji's shoulder pressed again. "And you kept telling me it didn't change who I was." Of course this wasn't the same thing at all. Terry knew that now, he had memories that pricked harder at the thought of someone leaving Ryuuji behind with a madman on purpose; not protecting him on purpose.

"I know this isn't the same. It will change you. Which is why I don't think it's true. He knows you too well, Ryuu. He knows just what to say to make your doubt everything make you..." Pliable. Broken. "Want to disappear so he could control what's left. A sick fuck like that ? If your mother somehow is alive and had to leave you behind, I don't think it was willingly. It couldn't be."

A flash of insight hit Terry and he stiffened. "For all you know, he could have held you hostage against her, and she'd never know he was hurting you anyway."

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

"It doesn't change who you are, or who I am." Ryuuji agreed, reassured by the touches to his shoulder blade on a level that wasn't even subconscious. It was deeper than that, went right down to the part of him that was used to only being comforted after being hurt, touched the part of him that needed some sort of promise. Skin to skin and words were painful but necessary. "It only changes everything I've ever thought about my life and-"

Pause, flinch, tense. Green eyes opened to their widest extent, shocky and stunned, and Ryuuji tried to slide off Terry's lap, to back away from him, one hand curling over his own heart. "I - Seto."

And it wasn't the part where they'd been kissing that worried him, it wasn't the idea of having locked lips with his possible half-brother, it was what had come before that. When Ryuuji had torn out Seto's...

Rib.

Fuck.

He'd chosen to remove Seto's rib, and Terry had touched his own stomach and fuckfuckFUCK, Ryuuji now understood why he'd picked that in particular, just as he suddenly knew why he hated red hair so much.

A half-broken, splintered laugh slid out from his mouth, so sharp that it sounded like it should have cut him apart, "I lied. I am like him."

And the him was his father, not Seto. Abusive, Ryuuji was abusive, and fuckfuckfuck, dropping dead of guilt had to be possible, he was sure of it. And if guilt didn't kill him, hopefully self-loathing would.

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

Behind Ryuuji, blinking at the room, Terry was quietly freaking out. In his head. He sat down with a sudden thump on the floor just where he was, and hissed slightly at the way he was so off-balanced and unthinking that he smacked his coccyx.

Ryuuji had just tried to use sex to manipulate him. Didn't seem to have realized what he'd done. Was probably feeling rejected - but Terry couldn't help that. And they still had six hours to spend in the lab. Together. Maybe even alone.

"This is bad. This is really, really, bad. I need help. Professional help."

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

"..." Speech. Part of Ryuuji's mind recognized that, neatly shunted aside the other bits and had him turning around, a bowl balanced in the crook of his left arm, right hand wrapped around a wooden spoon with which he was stirring the contents of the bowl. He leaned against the countertop slightly, not so much to actually take any of the weight off his feet but just to have something solid there, and canted his head to a side.

Coolly dispassionate, eyes skimming over Terry and appraising him for any visible signs of an injury - he'd heard that hiss - Ryuuji asked the other calmly, "Help with what, what type of professional, and what's so bad?"

A small, spiteful corner of his mind suggested that Terry wanted a professional whore, but Ryuuji smacked that part down pretty quickly.

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

"This. Us. The fact that I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm not sure instinct works here like it does for other things. Cause instinct says keep the memories. But you just... you offered yourself up for them Ryuu and frankly, it was unschway. Very unschway."

He leaned forward on his hands. "I didn't need a professional to deal with Bruce, but the old man was really mellow. I don't think I ever appreciated how mellow. Though of course, the stuff, even with seventy odd years, he still didn't want the theater torn down. It was still always there. So I shouldn't be surprised with you..."

He shrugged, almost as if he was talking to himself, though he was aware that Ryuuji was listening. "Then again, it's not like we can just walk into couple's counseling. You don't think there's anything wrong with you. And I'm one of three people who even know you have a scar. So it'd be wasted time anyway. Maybe there're books. Cause right now my solution is to slap a costume on you and find some bad guys. Some very, very, bad guys."

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

"I- you're my treasure. It doesn't count as whoring myself out if it's with you." Pause, and Ryuuji didn't realize quite how bitter his words came out as he added, "Besides, didn't you see my father's bribe? He offered me to the whole damn school anyway."

And that thought stung, enough that Ryuuji's grasp on the wooden spoon tightened a little bit, even as he absorbed and assimiliated what Terry was saying about Bruce. Mellow. Okay. Ryuuji could be mellow if needed.

He made himself relax, stance no longer tense, shoulders slumped a little, and cocked his head to a side with a laugh, "A costume and very, very bad guys? I'm pretty sure Stephen's trying to keep me in this room, so I'm afraid we'd have to lure the bad guys in here. And besides, again, I don't need therapy. Mai whacking me with a cushion every so often does wonders for making me quit emoing."

[tomorrow-knight.livejournal.com]

He sighed, and tipped the chair he was onto it's back legs, rocking it. At least he had some guidelines now for what Ryuuji would and wouldn't do.

"The only person I know with serious father issues, is Dick. And I knew of Dick. And now I know there were more than just father issues going on." A slight pause with just the creaking of the chair.

A thousand thoughts chased themselves through is mind, back and forth, a couple hundred for every to and fro. "Would your father let you read his mind? Could you do it without him needing to give permission? If I'm wrong, then you can apologise, but with all this magic there has to be a way for you to see if he can be cured or how he might act if you did give him the puzzle."

He coughed. "Would you even want to know for sure if anything can make him happy at all? Cause from the way you're talking it sounds like he has brain damage."

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

Ryuuji tried not to think about what he was saying, even as he used the long-handled spoon to dose out the powdered seeds. "He wouldn't let me, and I couldn't do it without permission. Even taking away the power issue, I just don't read minds without permission. Ever. And besides, if he's crazy - though I suppose there's no if about it - how do you know he'd even know what he's thinking about in the future? The Puzzle could cure him and change his thought patterns, meaning that what he thinks he might do wouldn't be what he'd actually do when he was fixed."

Pause.

"Not brain damage. He lost fifty years of his life in less than five minutes. And that drove him insane. That, and obsessing over revenge. Obsessions aren't good." Ryuuji thought of Seto, briefly, and his own obsession with making Seto be his friend again. And where that had led him to.

I don't know how I'm going to take the guilt if he is my brother.