[identity profile] lionsanddragons.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] hh_mirror
I present for the consideration of the Board of Governors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry:


Position Desired: Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Education
- Tutored by the renowned wizard scholar Myrddin Erys, 935-946
- Studied with Lady Rowena Ravenclaw 963-present

Relevant Job Experience
- Fifteen years experience defending the Gryffindor estates from witches and wizards who wished to take the family fortune for their own. 932-947
- Killed Koschei the Deathless (times one through three). 947-948
- Ten years experience as roaming curse-breaker and general knight in shining armor. 948-958
- Three years trying to convince Salazar it would be a good idea to open a school. 958-961
- Co-Founder of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, put in charge of establishing and maintaining the school's defenses. 961-present

Other Qualifications
- Is conversant in Latin, Greek, Old English and German
- Is literate in the above, as well as French, and Gaelic (Irish and Scottish)
- Is a people-person
- Has talked Salazar Slytherin into going carousing when Slytherin is in a bad mood
- Created the Sorting Hat

Professional Affiliations
Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Taliesin, Chief of Bards
Rowena Ravenclaw, Co-Founder, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Helga Hufflepuff, Co-Founder, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Salazar Slytherin, Co-Founder, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Published Works
Killing Immortal Creatures.
The Breeding and Care of the Hebridian Black.
How to Keep Dragons as Pets.
Dark Magic Charms That Shouldn't Be Left Around a School.

Date: 2006-03-15 04:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
Thank you, my dear Owner and friend Godric Mr. Gryffindor. I shall owl your Curriculum Vitae to the Board of Governors, immediately.

Date: 2006-03-15 06:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
Mr. Gryffindor, the Board of Governors is in receipt of your Curriculum Vitae and is quite surprised to find you in existence as something other than a ghost. Nevertheless, it is willing to consider your application for the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. They would like to be informed, however, of the degree to which you have been able to keep up with advances in the Defense Against the Dark Arts field over the intervening millennium.

Date: 2006-03-15 07:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
My dearest ownerMr. Gryffindor,

I have conveyed your answer to the Board of Governors. They have some concerns regarding the time you may have spent in methe Headmaster's office when some of the less-qualified Headmasters were in place, specifically Headmaster Dippet. They would like to know if you could you possibly provide them with one additional reference who is a bit more contemporary, and who, specifically, has never been listed by the Ministry of Magic as "deceased."

Date: 2006-03-15 07:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
My dearest OwnerMr. Gryffindor,

I believe Mr. Dippet's appointment as Headmaster occurred during the Era of Inadequacy, a period I immortalized in my Opening Feast songs of 1953, 1971, 1978, 1994, and, finally, 2004. If you wish, I will one day sing every one of those Opening Feast songs for you if you also by me another tankard of ale. That may well be where I picked up my affinity for the color purple!

Thank you for providing the reference. On behalf of the Board of Governors, I will send an owl to Ms. McGonagall.

Date: 2006-03-15 07:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
My dearest Owner,

I'd be more than delighted to go out for an evening of drinking and bawdy songsserenade you. No, of course not! In your day I stayed with strong, verile colors like red and gold!

I have sent an note via owl to Ms. McGonagall, and await her response.

Date: 2006-03-15 09:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
My dearest Owner,

Excellent! I'm looking forward to it! If Salazar's in one of his snits, would you like me to transfigure myself into an absurd looking party hat and refuse to leave his head? That was always good for a laugh!

I have received further word from the Board of Governors. They've suggested that, in order to be reassured your knowledge of Defense methods is truly up-to-date, you might want to consider consulting, somewhat informally, with a colleague. I imagine that your engaging someone well versed in current Dark Arts Defenses would resolve any questions regarding your application for the position quite expeditiously.

Date: 2006-03-16 08:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
My darling Owner,

I believe the Hog's Head has changed not one iota. In fact, I have heard that the small room in the back retains, on its floor, many of the same chewed up chicken bones that were tossed there the last time you went out for a bit of carousing!Only when you bring out his more fun side, Godric. He's an old sourpuss the rest of the time!

Interesting you should ask that. It happens that I inquired of your contemporary reference, Ms. McGonagall, as to her opinion on a suitable colleague to bring you up to date. Ms. McGonagall suggested that you consult with Professor Severus Snape. Do you happen to be acquainted with Professor Snape?

Date: 2006-03-22 12:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
*receives an owl from the Board of Governors appointing him, but is off watching Snape shoot his mother, so won't actually open it for just a bit more*
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-03-24 05:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
Ah, I see the Headmistress is still sleeping, Professor Snape. If you'll just quietly place me on her desk, so that I can send off my report, that will do very well.

*perches on the desk*

Oh, I see I have an owl waiting her for me. Would you mind terribly if I just open it? It might be something important, such as a new cleaning spell for the House Elves.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-03-24 06:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
*quietly* Thank you, Professor.

*takes parchment from owl and spews out some owl treats at it*

Let's see... *reads* Oh, dear! Oh, my. Well, this is of interest to you, Professor, so I'll just read it, shall I?

"Godric Gryffindor, you are hereby appointed Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, for the standard term of one year, to be continued upon application and approval. Your pay is set at the standard rate of *G*5,000 per annum, with room, board and sufficient robes and linens, and a house elf designated to attend to your needs. You may continue to live in Gryffindor House, if you wish, as that is your old House. However, you may wish to make use of separate, more private chambers. As you probably recall, your office is located on the second floor, and your classroom on the first in the main corridor, above the Great Hall. Your key to your private chambers, your office, the staff room, and the staff bath are enclosed.

The Board of Governors wishes you the best success in your teaching endeavors."

*Ahem* Well, I believe my report is not exactly necessary now.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-03-24 06:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
*is aghast*

Your resignation? What on earth do you mean? Are you suggesting you no longer wish to be Professor of Potions, Professor Snape?

(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-03-24 06:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
*does not take well to its owner being impliedly insulted*

I cannot dare to fathom what the Board of Governors has in mind, Professor Snape, and I would think after these many years you would know better than to do so, as well. However, I assure you that Godric Gryffindor has been advised to acquaint himself with current procedures and I have absolutely no doubt that he will do so.

*voice getting considerably louder* I further assure you that he is, perhaps, the finest teacher of any kind, in any subject, that this school has ever had!
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-03-24 06:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
I do not think so, I know so, Professor.

*sits looking at Snape with vague annoyance*

No, I don't believe I have any further business with you at the moment, Professor Snape.

Please do take your witnesses with you when you leave. I'm afraid we've come dangerously close to waking the Headmistress.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-03-24 06:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
Well, that would be between you and Professor Gryffindor, of course.

*is very happy to be calling Godric Professor, finally*

However, as you are acquainted with every single one of the rules here at Hogwarts, I'm sure you remember that there is no killing of any kind allowed on the premises, ever.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-03-24 06:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
*glares back*

Good night to you, Professor.

Date: 2006-03-24 06:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
*jumps about on the Headmistress' desk, merrily*

My dear owner!

Or shall I say, Professor Gryffindor! You have received the appointment! We must go out and celebrate this tremendous news soon!

Date: 2006-03-24 07:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
Indeed you did! And it's well deserved, of course.

*reads the Owl from the Board of Governors (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/300699.html?thread=15785371#t15785371) to him*

I suggest you be on guard a bit when you speak to Professor Snape. He was not in the best of moods when he left here, I'm afraid.

Date: 2006-03-24 07:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
You are most welcome, my owner! You will, won't you? I have many, many tales to tell you in exchange.

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