hh_mirror

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

I like Philadelphian Dream Cheese. Last time, I dreamed- uh, dreamt that I was the Keeper for the Chudley Cannons! And all of the sudden I saw the quaffle heading straight towards me! And so I moved my dragon (we were riding dragons) and I knocked it straight to our chaser. And she was a Veela and she caught with her tongue and brought it to her mouth and… that’s as far as I remember.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

…Is this some row against my family? Because I'm sick of the talk about redheads and carrots… You know what? Does this look orange to you!? It’s not getting across on paper, but I am pulling my hair right now. It’s red, ok? Call me Appletop or something.

Tossers.

3. What time is it where you are?

Uh… I dunno. Mum, Dad, and Bill are at asleep o’clock. Oy, Charlie, are you ok? A bit ago you were at danger o’clock. Mum had a fit!

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them?

What the hell kinda question is that? Professor Dumbledore… ugh, just stop! He wouldn’t sexu- go out with anybody! Especially since, uh, the only other women are… wait, I can’t talk about this! All through Fifth and Sixth year me and Harry have been sworn to secrecy, and now I’m expected to just blabber about it? That’s not right.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

Gryffindor rules!

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

I’m definitely not trying to get into Slytherin. I wanna stick with Harry and my family. ‘Sides, like Slytherins would make good bartenders. You know how they feel about mixing things.

There, see? I know how to use metaphors in my jokes, Hermione.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

I really don’t know if I’m more pissed off on behalf of my brothers, or on behalf of my best friend. Either way, someone’s gonna get beaten bloody. And Harry’d get with Fred, since George has that gross mole thing.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

Well, uninundate it, then. Or maybe you’re in Snape’s class, which… sorry, but you’re doomed. Or maybe you’ve finished your homework, but you have some friend who just wants you to do it over again and again and again and again. And she says, "Good Gryffindor, it’s a misplaced comma! I’m so relieved we caught it. Instead of heading to Hogsmeade, let’s stay here and talk for a few hours about what commas mean to us."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

I’m not useless. I play chess. And… I’m good at chess. And I can play Keeper. I helped win Gryffindor the Quidditch Cup, that was bloody awesome! And... uh. I helped Harry out a few times. This question's tough. Not as round the twist as the others, though.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.

Bribes? I didn't hear about needing those. Ok, I have chocolate frogs and… Alright, I don't have anything that’s not old and used, and no way I’m giving up the few new things I have. But I have to get back into Hogwarts! I’m done visiting Bill, and I have a little sister here, and I know my brothers are here to take care of her, but still... and my best friends are here and I haven’t seen them since forever. Please?