Detention with Emma Woodhouse

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

Emma Woodhouse stands outside Snape's office, talking intently to a nearby coat of armour.

"And I said to Miss Bensley, I said, 'Why, Miss Bensley! What is it that you intend to do with such a smile of yours? A fine visit with the witch-doctor, say what?' And she nodded, as is the way of munchkins, and tripped on the peanut-butter. And we did have a laugh at that, indeed we did. And then I ate her. Terrible taste, much like elderberry. Now," she offers her hand. "You have shown that you can dance, and you know we are not really so much brother and sister as to make it improper."

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[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

"Yes, I was detained by several bees riding a comet to Surrey. They wished to know the capital of Paris." She moves into the room, gracefully sitting on a chair. "I informed them that Paris has no capital, but was destroyed by the Huns several hundred hours ago. They were beside themselves, poor things."

She looks back to him.

"And thank you. That is quite kind of you."

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

"...no, everything appears to be in order here." She moves to the barrel, taking off the lid and grabbing a toad. She took the creature to her eyes, staring at it kindly before turning around, throwing it at high speed at the closest wall.

"Fore!"

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

"Of course. It means to remove the organs, much like someone once did to my cold and pitiless heart. Oh, it hurts me to admit this, but I do not have the tool necessary for this afternoon's activity. I do not suppose, kind bard, that you have a feather in your cap?"

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

"And where shall I put said organs and toads? Or are we cutting them up for the lovely aroma?" She plucks the knife from between his fingers.

"Do you know which aroma I enjoy? Green."

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

"Of course!"

She holds it on its back and over the bowl. The knife rests briefly over its bowels, before stabbing through, up to its spine. She turns it over, spilling its organs.

"Through the bowels, to its spine! Emma, you are doing fine!" She looks at Snape. "We shall make a game of it!"

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

"Quite! The woman in the mirror is winning with three kidneys to her name, but I shall pull ahead shortly. Of course Miss Fairfax is doing terribly, but that is because she is a whorish strumpet."

Emma continues to disembowel the toads, humming her national anthem under her breath.

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

"Oh, many things. I detest sprawling, that certainly seems to be a debased activity. And I am not fond in the way these toads are staring at me. No manners amongst the dead. But anything of this is better than to hear Miss Bates go on and on about Miss Fairfax. Oh, she is a sweet creature, but at times I do wish to stab her through her throat with a pen."

Emma stabs and slits then next toad.

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

Emma continues to work happily, occasionally muttering scores under her breath. After several moments she begins to falter, and she stares at the toad in confusion.

"Oh... dear. Is the chef preparing cuisses de grenouilles tonight? Because, truly, I am cutting the wrong thing."

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

"Happily." She dumps the frog and looks around for something to wipe her hand, pulling a handkerchief out of her skirts. She then blinks several times, looking around.

"Where... Professor Snape? Is Lord Peter alright?"

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

"Bedpans are what by hand? Made by hand? Well, how lovely to hear of that. Professor Snape, are you quite alright?" She stands up, looking around. "Perhaps the smell from the, er, disemboweled toads is getting to you. I am sorry, sir, but you are not making much sense at the moment."

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

"Oh. I see." She tilts her head. "May I ask why?"

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

((Aw, thank you! *Hugs Emma* She's been neglected for the sexier and wittier Oz, poor thing. Snape's pretty fun, himself. Emma probably doesn't think so, though.))

"Oh. Yes, I suppose cleaning bedpans is something I prefer the maids to do. It's certainly not a pleasant activity. If it would make you feel better, I must admit I certainly would not enjoy it. But what I mean to ask, is why do you wish to give me such an unhappy experience, Professor?"

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

She gasps, clapping a hand over her mouth. "Pardon? However can that be true? I have no memory of such an act!"

She looks a bit sick. "Who am I accused of striking so?"

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

"Oh. Oh dear. I remember no such thing. I was just trying to comfort Lord Peter, and then I was here." She gives him a look of guilt and sympathy. "I am so sorry. You poor man; did I hurt you?"

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

She pales, and she almost laughs before looking properly aghast. "What!? A... a... hmmmm. Why, Professor Snape. I wouldn't even call a... loose woman that. Why ever would I say such a thing to you? You're a gentleman!"

She raises a finger to her temple. "Oh, but it certainly does not show well of me, if I have such a vocabulary. Are you certain I did not cause you great harm with my blow?"

[ewoodhouse.livejournal.com]

((Oops! I thought you had last post. Dang. ^^;))


She is silent for several moments, before speaking in a careful tone.

"I dread to agree, Professor Snape, but I must admit that you are correct. Although I am not quite sure what happened to me in your classroom, my actions towards you are unforgivable and certainly not that of a lady, whether sober or not. I am truly sorry, Professor, and I will accept my deserved discipline. I can only hope to one day heal the wound I have delivered to my own reputation."


Emma Woodhouse curtsies. "May I be excused to preform my duties in the Hospital Wing?" If her maids could manage the daily task, there was little reason that Emma Woodhouse could not do so, as well. After all, she was not a snob. No, she certainly was not.